"I'm sensing a slight buttering of incredulous scorn here. Fire away then."
"Not a bit, legit impressed. Hardly a single deviation, which, if it's not broke..."
"Wow. This is fantastic. Another bridge burned, and friendship ruined. I'll mark it in my calendar."
"I'm not mad at you, I'm being serious. I'm impressed. Just because I fell for it doesn't mean I can't respect how well it works for you. I want the breakdown of how it all works, I'm fascinated. I still don't regret any of it."
"Respect how it works? Wow, like I'm some creeper with a system. Excuse me while I go fuck myself."
"You admitted yourself you have a pattern, that you said just happens, that you didn't even plan on trying to change. I just see it as a pattern. Hey, I can say that when people get too close I turn into an asshole and push them away and that is MY pattern. Everyone has them."
"I *am* trying to change it. Paying $125 an hour to do so. Only my sessions have been hijacked by my failing relationship. But whatever. I see where this is going. Nobody judges judges me harder than I judge myself, and I'd hate for that to change anytime soon. Hows about we say I'm a shitty person and leave it at that? Not like I'm paying therapy money to you, right?"
"You are taking this the wrong way. You said the other night that I should stay away from you because it was a pattern, that you were going to try it on me, like it wasn't an option. MG was not talking shit about you, I asked her and she told me. I had to sit there and say 'Interesting, I see the similarities, but no MG, I'm not fucking him. He must be really disappointed in our friendship.'"
"Sorry if I don't believe you, birds of a feather and all that."
"Wow, really?"
"Disappointed in our friendship?"
"Birds of a feather? You explain that first."
"Is that what you think you are to me? I've been doing everything I can to show you differently. To actually be a friend. Maybe it's too late for that. Which is fine."
"It's what SHE needs to think to lay off."
"Another pattern, I'm sure."
"Read what I'm writing to you. I had to tell her that or she wouldn't believe me."
"Because the dime a dozen ones, like me? We're all so predictable. Fair enough. I lie to myself, why shouldn't you lie about me? I lead by example, apparently."
"Okay, seriously not what I'm saying. You think MG will blab everything all over, and so I'm protecting you, protecting US. It's not a lie I'm telling her either. We haven't had sex. That's the truth."
"I appreciate you spinning the truth to protect what little bit of honor I pretend to have left, truly. A piece of mercy, that. Certainly less than I deserve."
"Okay, that birds of a feather thing needs to be addressed, don't just skip over that. Why are you looping me in with someone you think so low of? Are you just lashing out at me because you are mad or do you actually think I'm going around to everyone talking shit about you?"
"No. I'm in a depressive spiral. Not your fault, been going through for a few days now. Just ranting."
"Okay, good. Now, you read that open letter, you know I think the world of you. I know you are capable of change, that you are a worthwhile person. I wholeheartedly believe that if you continue to work on yourself the way you are now, you are going to be unstoppable. And I'm not saying that because you are depressed or because I'm your friend or because I want to get into your pants, but because that is honestly the truth. I know you are going to attribute it to one or all of those things, but it's the truth. The real problem is that as much as I say these things to you, YOU have to believe them. I can't convince you. YOU have to convince YOU."
She took a deep breath but continued.
"It hurts my heart how much I wish I could convince you. But I can't. That powerless feeling is the hardest part of our friendship for me."
