It was her first full day at her studio by herself with no plans. She was excited to do nothing and just be in her own company. She woke up early, got showered and dressed because she did have tentative plans to celebrate Earth Day at the park and go out for bloody marys with MG and SD. They both canceled however, and she was left to her own devises, for the first time maybe in her life.
She got a text from her husband offering her some french macarons he'd picked up, but saying he couldn't bring them by until later. She said she had a small headache anyway and to let her know when he was free. She napped, and he did call later to invite her to his cast party for his show. It was at the director's house, and she felt like that would be a little imposing. She had anticipated asking him if he wanted to get something to eat. She declined the invitation to the party and the macarons, but agreed to meet up with him in the middle of next week for a social get together. She was sure that would lead to a division of assets, but she didn't want to think about that now.
She had already had a microwave meal for lunch and didn't feel like breaking out another for dinner. The idea suddenly hit her to order a pizza, and she realized she had never ordered one just for herself before. It felt...indulgent. It felt wrong. She suddenly felt like she was on the edge of a cliff looking down, about to fall. Vertigo setting in. She was panicking over the amount of freedom she had in this moment.
"So, on a scale of 1 to 'Damn you're fat' how sad would it be to order pizza just for myself because I don't feel like leaving the studio?" She messaged to a friend.
He assured her that it was a smart plan, and that she would be surprised at how long one pizza could last solo. So she texted SD and asked if they would let the pizza delivery guy up to her floor or did she need to wait for him in the lobby? Then she messaged another friend freaking out about how she couldn't do this, she couldn't live alone. What was she thinking? He replied that she shouldn't dump on herself, she was strong enough to do this on her own. She took a deep breath and took his words to heart, tried to calm down and do what she needed to do.
She went online and looked at the menu, then realized that she had no idea what she liked. She'd spent her whole life compromising other people's topping into her own. It took her far longer to figure out what she liked and order it. She didn't even have her own account for the pizza place, she had to create one. This would take some getting used to.
She ate three slices of pizza, then put the rest in the fridge. She was still trying to get a hold of herself, tears forming, when she got the text from KSL. "How goes?"
He seemed to always know.
