Friday, June 30, 2017

The Real Date

"You haven't talked to Nameless all month?  Yeah, he's done.  He's ghosted you, it's over."  Goldie stated.  Of course, Goldie had also said that he was being a gentleman and waiting a few dates before he made a move because he was serious about her.  So what was the truth?

A day later she decided she wouldn't take ghosting lying down so she sent him a text message:

"So, are you ghosting me or what?  Blink once for yes."

His response, albeit a little later, was reassuring.  He wanted to meet up next week for sure, he had just had a lot of stuff come down on him at work and he got overwhelmed.  She smiled and felt reassured that he had honestly gotten busy and hadn't forgotten about her.

They had picked a bar at the base of her building, so she bragged to him that she'd be able to do a quick stumble home.  He was, of course jealous, and gave her a hard time as soon as they met up.

He said he might make the move to the midtown area down the street from her building.  Even though it was silly she thought about how much easier it would be to just meet up at the bar in the middle if he was that close.  Even sleepovers randomly made it's way to her head, a silly fleeting thought.  He hadn't even made a far as she knew, they were still just being friendly.

Their conversation was, as always, easy to fall into.  It was as if they had just had their last conversation, even though they talked that it had been since a few weeks before her tonsillectomy that they had even seen each other.

"I'm busy!"  He would constantly state, exasperated.  With a job 4 hours away on the weekends and going for his graduate degree as well as working a full time job during the week, she honestly believed that he had just been overwhelmed.

After a couple of drinks he slowly went from facing the bar to turning his body around to her.  He propped his leg up on her chair, and she rested her arm on his leg.

She couldn't remember how it was brought up, but she mentioned her date the day before with the naive boy and how he was sweet, but was so not for her.

"You date a lot." Nameless said, completely devoid of jealousy or feeling, just stating a fact.

"Not really.  Honestly you are the only one who has gotten past a first date in a really long time.  You are the only person I date regularly, which is sad considering how often you are unavailable."

"Yeah it is," he said, amused at first, then thoughtful.

"What about you?  Had any eventful dates?"  She asked him.

"I don't have time...I've been on a few can see it in their eyes when I tell them how busy I am."

She smiled "I know that look.  I get it all the time.  Now that I'm not doing theatre anymore I'm a little more available but guys don't really think going out for pho at 11 at night because that's the only time I have to spare is great.  They tend to just give up because I'm also so disinterested in them."

He nodded, saying "They are always checked out by the middle of the date.  They don't get that what I'm doing is important, and it won't always be like this.  In a year I'll be done with my Master's degree and I'll have more time.  I'll be more available.  But they don't even want to wait for the end of that sentence.  You're cool though, you know..."

She interrupted him; "I get it.  You are crazy busy.  I don't take it personally.  I enjoy our time together a lot.  Does it suck it isn't more frequent?  Sure...but I don't blame you for it.  I don't get mad.  It is what it is."

"It's so great that you get it."  He said.  She smiled at him.  They fell into a comfortable silence.

"It might be a few weeks before I can meet up again." He said.  She smiled and said "I figured."

The energy shifted, and he leaned forward and kissed her right at the bar.  He was so gentle and delicate that it took her by surprise.  He had talked about his wild rock and roll style past being a musician,  so she expected him to feel a little more dangerous.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes.  "I could try and make some time next week."

She smiled at him and just simply said "Okay."

He leaned forward and kissed her again.

"Maybe later this week."

Her grin widened and she quipped "Now don't go making promises you can't keep."

"You know I always just keep you out as late as possible so I can spend more time with you.  I could never forget about you, I'm just always so busy." He said earnestly.

She smiled at him again and said "I get it."

"It just feels like it's so long in-between when we see each other it's like starting over."

"You don't have to feel like that."

They started talking about Marvel and DC, and she brought up a movie that she hadn't seen yet.  He became adamant that she had to see it.  He would watch it with her.  He was being so adorable about his enthusiasm that she couldn't help herself, and leaned forward and kissed him.

They shut down the bar and spent some time outside talking.  They got a few bums asking for their spare change and quickly realized that hanging out in that area wasn't the greatest idea.  They kicked around the idea of going to another bar, but he had an early morning.  Eventually they parted ways, with him teasing her about getting the "vomit elevator" when she got home, the service elevator with the carpet walls.

She texted him when she got back to her apartment.  "Ha, I didn't get the vomit elevator!"

He responded that she'd most likely get it in the morning, then asked her what flavor her lip balm was.  She told him she thought that she'd worn peppermint and wild orange that day.  He said the orange made sense but he didn't get peppermint.  She asked if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"That I can still taste you...good.  Not knowing what flavor it was...puzzling."

"Fair.  And Cute.  In a nerdy scientist kind of way 😋"

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Naive to the Nth Degree

She'd had her doubts from the beginning with this guy.  He had messaged her back in December and stopped messaging after she'd made mention of her love for sushi.  She figured that raw fish was just one step too far for him and wrote him off.

He popped back in and immediately wanted to meet.  It was a little too fast for her and she told him she was busy the rest of the week.  They talked and the conversation was boring, but at least he spoke in full and complete sentences without any major typos.  He had higher education completed, but was 6 years younger than her.  He sent her a link to his blog about his job, then later sent her a picture from the same blog.  She noted that she had already seen it, and he responded "You actually looked!!  It just made me happy that you care."

He was a little too easy to impress.  He had sent it, she had read it.  It was common courtesy.  She perused it, she didn't actually read through the whole thing.  She had done what she assumed was the bare minimum.  He invited her to a concert he was having with his students, she told him she had to work.  He said he admired her work ethic.  She just worked when they told her too.  He was certainly celebrating mediocrity.

Then his questions started getting a little too personal.  He wanted to know what floor she lived on, where she worked, her last name...all things she wasn't comfortable telling a stranger.  One night he was down the street and wanted to take a walk with her at 11 PM at night.  She made excuses, trying not to hurt his feelings.  He persisted, and she had to shut him down pretty harshly.  Still, he persisted.

As soon as he opened his mouth she realized he was just the most naive person in the world.  His voice was effeminate, but earnest.  He didn't know what Catfishing was.  He had no idea how he was coming off in his texts to her.  "I was just excited to meet you, I didn't think about it being almost midnight!"

In the end, he was a very sweet guy...but she had already raised a boy and wasn't about to start all over again with another one.  She told him they could be just friends.

Monday, June 26, 2017

How to Save a Friendship

"You can either love it and live with it, hate it and live with it, or leave it." BFF said.  She had reached out to her and they had an afternoon together, mending their limping relationship.  BFF had started seeing a therapist who had drilled that platitude into her existence.   She wondered if, eventually, BFF was going to say that she was "leaving it" with their friendship.  When they left each other, it seemed better.

Her childhood best friend, Unicorn, had been going through a hard time, so she reached out to her and met up at her house on the other side of town.

Unicorn opened the door and she was shocked at her friend's appearance.  She had gained at least 50 pounds since she'd seen her last.  Her heart went out to her, she was clearly going through a rough time.

After hearing what Unicorn had gone through, she shared her story of the last year.  Unicorn was super supportive and non-judging. Unicorn understood her to the core, and she was beyond glad to have her back in her life.

They exorcised their demons with each other, and it was like nothing terrible had ever happened between them.  They picked up like it was the 6th grade again, although their stories of their lives had...escalated.

She mentioned all of her misadventures in dating.  Unicorn asked her why she felt compelled to date at all, stating if she ever split from her husband, she'd never date again.  She told her that she had already essentially been alone for her whole life, and she felt like it was her time.

" seems you are getting the life you always wanted in high school!"

She started laughing intensely.  Unicorn was right, of course.  In high school she had never dated anyone but always longed to have a high school relationship.  She'd had a small taste of it prom night...before her prom date told her that he had found a girlfriend in-between asking her to prom and the actual night of prom. 

She guessed it was just her time.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


She had lately begun missing him and thinking about him a lot.  Her ex was such a big part of her life for so long.  She trusted him with her everything.  At the beginning of their marriage he had gotten 100% of her.  He might not have understood her completely, but he was willing to listen.

She missed him.  She missed her best friend.

She wished she could tell him everything.  She imagined a world where she could tell him about KSL and he would magically not be devastated.  Instead he would empathize with her and tell her what she needed to hear...that she had dodged a bullet, and didn't deserve to be treated like that by anyone.

She wished she could tell him how beautiful it had been with Piz.  How even though it still hurt like hell, it had also healed her when she needed it.

She wished more than anything that she felt comfortable coming to him with anything more than lighthearted fun for fear of crushing him.  She missed being understood, cared for...not forgotten.  Not the pretending kind that KSL did with her, but the actual caring kind that her ex did for so long.

But she had no right to try and get back in his life at this point.  Even if she needed it...even if he needed it.

God did she ever need it.  She felt like she was falling apart, and her heart was made of glass.

Monday, June 19, 2017


"Holy fucking shit Penny, what were you thinking telling IL about KSL?  She's very much about being free and open and honest, and the holy spirit will move her in a couple of weeks and she'll go straight to your ex and tell him that you were together."

Goldie had been out of town during the last week of the show and she was catching her up.  She almost wish she didn't because she immediately felt nauseated.  Everyone would know.  It would destroy her ex, almost completely.

She flashed forward in her mind to seeing him so completely devastated, and knowing she was the cause of it.  If he ever found out, she would quite literally feel bad enough to end her life.  She could not live in a world where she had hurt him that badly.

She'd deserve it.  She'd deserve everyone hating her and she considered how she would be able to hide from everyone and live, again, without friends.

She felt everything crashing down around her.  She had left Goldie hours before, but she texted her as if they were just continuing the conversation.

"Should I just tell the ex?  The only thing worse than him finding out would be him finding out from someone other than me."  She was still concerned that the whole Improv troupe knew but she didn't dare ask.

"Assume good.  Leave it be and release your worries.  IL won't say anything.  If he learns it from someone else then just be open with him.  Proactively telling him now would only be for your sake, not his.  Protect him.  Anything else would be selfish and cruel.  Blunt enough answer?"

It was the truth, and exactly what she needed to hear.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Thinly Veiled Symbolism

MG had talked at her all night, and she was tired.  Tired of her opinions about how her and KSL were exactly like her and her ex were.  She harped and harped on the fact that they were a dumpster fire just waiting to blow up.  Even though they hadn't had sex in 6 months.  MG drudged up all the emotions that she had so carefully put away.

She was distraught.


Her ex had done something terrible.  Naturally, since they were still married that also had gotten her in trouble.

 They needed to run.

She couldn't recall how, but they ended up splitting up in order to confuse the police, and she was stuck sleeping on the floor in someone's house she didn't recognize with a bunch of other friends.

"Okay everyone, make sure to keep her away from KSL!" BFF shouted loudly.  She felt her face turn scarlet. She grew even more embarrassed as everyone followed instructions and started to smoosh her down so that she just gave up and went to an opposite corner of the room.

But in the middle of the night, she got up and snuggled up to KSL.  She realized she did this just to spite everyone, and not because she had any romantic affection for him.  She just wanted to be defiant.

She woke from the dream with an icky feeling of her thinly veiled emotions.  Her dream had brought a lot to light.  Then she realized...she had a dream.  She had a fully formed, "working it out" dream.  She felt like she had dealt with her emotions in the dream, and she woke up feeling completely resolved from them.

She forgot she could do that.  She had gone so long without having a good night's sleep, having solid REM sleep.  She had completely forgotten that when other people drink, or smoke, as an outlet...she had dreamt to deal.

But she hadn't been able to do that in a long time.  She had forgotten that she was able to do it, it had honestly been that long.

She wondered how many questionable decisions she'd made without having that outlet.  Maybe she had been making horrible mistakes for years.

As she walked along the river to work, she couldn't even pretend to be angry or upset about it, because it had come back.  She was elated.  She had an emotion, dreamt her thinly veiled symbolic dream, and emerged with a greater understanding of herself.  She had found herself again.

She smiled at the rushing river, the people walking their adorable dogs, even the pesky religious folk that tried to talk to her every day.  The day was beautiful, she was on her own, and she was going to be okay. 

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Birthday Date #1 of 0

"So what else have you done on your birthday dates so far?"  Levi asked her as the wind whipped their hair on the way to dinner.

"Well KSL counts the night before my birthday, but that was a disaster and I don't count it at all.  So this would be my first one.  Pressure is on!"

She saw him smile out of the corner of her eye, and also smiled at the absurdity of it all.

"So professor, I decided I needed to do my homework for this date and I finished your book."

She felt his energy change and he started talking excitedly about it.  They didn't waste any time discussing the location where the book took place, where he had lived for a few years and her for 10.  They talked about the energy of that city and the interesting places that were there.  They spent all of dinner having an amazing conversation and discussing mutual interests and friends.  He said he'd like to read her blog and she said it was way too autobiographical right now to be read by anyone.  She did tell him about her old blog and how much she liked describing things.

He asked if she was ready to leave, and she said "Sure, but where are we going?  You said it was a surprise, I can't wait to see what you've planned!"

"Well, there are a couple of live music events happening tonight.  We could do Folk music at the BBQ place, or Jazz at the hipster bar."

Her heart sank a tiny bit, as she expected a bit more since he had built the evening up so much.  However, she countered with herself, he was a musician and this was kind of sharing a piece of himself with her.  And he was giving her a couple of options, which was polite.

She remembered the loud BBQ place, where she had met up with Nameless last and they had both found the scene a bit too much and fled immediately.  She chose Jazz.

"Do you mind if we stop by the house and let the dog out?" He said, saying it as if it was a house they shared together.  She said she didn't mind, as she had met the dog last weekend and wouldn't mind another interaction.

"You haven't actually been in the house yet huh?  Just dropping stuff off?" He said.  They had talked about minimalism at dinner and he showed her his collection of vinyl and books, his "only two materialistic vices."

She met their cat for the first time and immediately fell in love.  Levi actually had to ask her if she was ready to go to get her to remember she was on a date and not at a pet store.  For a moment she wondered why they had come back to the house and wondered if it was a tactic, but so far she was getting zero flirting or chemistry from him.  Did she miss the signal while being enamored with the pets?

They decided to walk as his car lights had been flickering on the way back from dinner and didn't feel safe.  The awesome conversation continued, completely devoid of anything but the beginning of an awesome friendship.  They listened to the jazz and made up short stories about the other characters in the bar.

Eventually they moved down the street to one of her favorite bars, where there were only a few people into the late hour.  He moved over so they would be sitting on the same couch and continued their easy conversation.

The bar emptied out quickly, and they brought up the break up of the Improv team.  He had been the musician for most of the last run but was told by most of the team that they just thought of him as IL's husband and not really part of the team.  They had even waited until after he was out of town for a week to drop the ax on IL.

She looked over at him and her heart sank for him.  She could see exactly why he felt like that, IL did have a big personality and tended to keep her things "hers" despite the polyamory.  But it still must hurt to not be thought of a a separate, real person.  She knew that feeling intimately because she was always her ex's wife and nothing more for years and years.

It was soul-crushing.

For the first time on the "date" she wanted to reach out and grab his hand.  But her empathetic side was feeling nothing coming from him.  She decided to use her words instead of physical touch.  She told him about how hard it was to be the "other" in the relationship, and how horrible that must have been for him to go through and feel.  It was completely unfair and sad. She could tell he knew she was being sincere.

It was so nice to be connecting with another writer who could understand where her emotions came from.  She felt so emotionally fulfilled from their conversation throughout the night that she wasn't the least bit disappointed that there was no romance at all.

They walked through the dark back to his house, laughing about how they got kicked out of the bar because the bartender was parked illegally.  The bartender had promised them a round on him next time they came in before turning them out on the street.

They got back to his house at the same time as IL, and they all hugged and shared a bit of their evenings before he stated that he was going to drive her home.

Luckily the lights mostly remained on, and they laughed whenever they flickered.

"Come 'ere, give me a hug." He said as he threw the car into park.  "Working date soon for developing the stand up?" She asked.  "You know it" he replied easily.

"Thanks for tonight, it was so much fun.  My first Jazz!"

He smiled, and waited until she was to the front doors before he took the car into a U-turn to head back home.


Monday, June 12, 2017

Dismantle the Space

The day after the Improv show they all came together to take down everything that had built up from years in the theatre space.  Everyone threw themselves right into the work in order to avoid any emotion.  The troupe trickled in through the hour, as punctuality had never been their strong suite.

She and IL had bonded over a trip to the capitol for coffee, and now everyone was in full on "what do we do?" mode.  At one point IL sent her and Levi to their house about a mile away to pick up and drop off a load.

He was mostly quiet in the car, and she immediately became worried about how if they had nothing to talk about now, how badly the future date would be.

"Thanks for letting me kidnap your wife for some girl time this morning.  It was nice, I think we both needed it."

"Both of you are amazing women, you don't deserve to be treated like that."

Awesome.  Of course he knew too.  How great was this pity date going to be?  "Thanks." She left it at that, and thankfully he didn't pursue it.  Instead they talked about how grateful they were that many people showed up to help out instead of leaving it all to IL.  It was a short drive to the house and they unloaded and he said he'd take his own car back to the space so they would have another vehicle to throw things into.

She stepped back into the space and said "You didn't want him back, did you IL?" with a smile.  IL laughed and said "For real, where is he?"

"Waiting in my apartment."  They both laughed, and she confirmed he had been behind her with their own car.

They all gathered around near the end and went through all the memory boards for each round of shows that they performed.  Because it was Improv and everything lived and died on the stage, it was hard remembering where certain handwritten lines had come from, or even who had said them.

They went to a local diner for food and more company and reminiscing.  The conversation, for once, didn't completely surround the troupe and what they had done onstage.  She found herself immersed and finally engaging in that much needed conversation she had been missing the last few weeks.  They joked, they made plans, everything felt effortless...which almost made it even more sad.  Why couldn't it have been like this the whole time?

They took the party from the diner to the bar, with she and SD hitching a ride with Levi in his topless VW Convertible.  As she got in the back she realized this is what he would be picking her up in a few days in the future.  She hoped it was going to be a night free of precipitation.

She went home and started reading Levi's book so she had something to talk about during the date.

Friday, June 9, 2017

The Love Exposé

"Girl, if I had known your heart was anywhere near this I would've never even hung out with him!" IL said to her.

It was the day after the last Improv show, and IL had "requested an audience" with her to talk before clean up happened.  Somehow, through someone, she had found out about her and KSL.  She had her suspicions about who it could be, but she supposed it didn't matter at this point.  IL was not going to out her source and she wanted to respect it.

She wracked her brain thinking about why she would be coming to her with this information.  Then she realized, IL had given KSL a comp to the final show.  She never gave out comps to guys unless she had slept with them and liked them.  She and KSL must have slept together.  She confirmed this with IL.  She said they had slept together twice.

"Girl, you are fine.  It's not like I lay any claim to him whatsoever.  His dick is practically public property at this point.  You don't have to stop sleeping with him on my account."

"I'm not, entirely.  You see, he told me he hadn't slept with anyone in over a year.  He lied to me, and then he asked me to keep our sexual relationship a secret.  I told him I didn't do that, but then I did.  I don't abide that at all, he and I are finished on that front."

She apologized to IL, although she didn't really know why.  Maybe because she knew KSL's way of doing things and how it didn't gel with IL's way of doing things, and she knew that they had gone out for casual drinks.  KSL had said that he felt weird about it and wouldn't be seeing her again...and she had stupidly believed him.  She should have warned IL, but it was a fine line to walk between warning a friend and minding your own damn business.

"I have to say," IL started, "You are taking all this extremely well.  You are more close to a Poly attitude than you think."

She smirked, then said "Maybe...or maybe it's just because I know that he'll never keep it in his pants or actually give me any part of him, so why waste the energy being upset?"

She was unsure of where to go from here.  The only thing she felt was upset that again, KSL felt the need to be ashamed of her, to hide her away.  She didn't know if she could do this anymore.

As if by magic but most certainly by IL's suggestion, Levi texted her. They set a time for next Thursday to have their date.  She told him that she was both excited and scared.

"Don't be scared.  Also, most men, are dumb.  I'm not.  It's an honor to go out with you."

Well that was new and different.

Monday, June 5, 2017

End of an Era

She was more upset than she had any right to be about the last Improv show.  She had been with them for so long, and they were her first friends after moving back.  She didn't know where she would be without the constant steadfastness of SD, the yoga and inspiration of TM, the endless wisdom of Goldie, and of course the BFF who had introduced them all to her.  Even MG, although as of late they hadn't been getting along and things were becoming incredibly strained.

Everyone was separating from the Improv Leader and forming their own group.  They had done this in the wrong way, leaving IL hurt and feeling incredibly betrayed.  she and IL had spoke a few times about it and IL was in a healthy place, although there were still a lot of hurt feelings that she assumed would remain for quite a while.

She'd cried at least three times that day.  She couldn't believe this experience was coming to an end.  Her heart hurt for IL, and she felt like a child whose parents split up, but neither one wanted to keep the child.  She wasn't sure what she was going to do with her Saturday nights anymore.

With no play to stage manage in the near future, she felt more alone than ever.

Luckily she would be surrounded by friends that night.  Banana, and even KSL were coming.  Working the front was overwhelming but she made it through and managed to get into a seat beside Dusky, who insisted on saving her a spot.  BFF's fiance offered to save her a seat as well, and she was touched.  KSL texted her asking if he'd like to save her a seat, but then the seats next to him were taken shortly after he offered.  She wasn't sure why he sat by himself instead of with Banana and the people she came with, but she was too preoccupied with dealing with the front to worry about it.

She took her seat for a perfect first half of the show.  All the suggestions were perfect, the chemistry was on fire, and for the first time she had a front row seat.  She ducked out shortly before intermission to return the money to the cage, then rushed back so she could talk to everyone a little before the second half.  KSL seemed a little standoffish and withdrawn, but she learned a long time ago not to poke that bear when she got this feeling about him.  Her emotions were already too high, and she assumed he would come to the restaurant with them after the show and she decided she would sit by him then and catch up.

She tried like hell to stay positive through the second half, laugh and live in the moment, and she felt that she honestly succeeded until the end.  She didn't completely fall apart, and she was proud of herself. 

Afterwards KSL was again a little evasive and said he was going to talk to some of the troupe and congratulate them on the final show.  A few minutes later she saw him walk out.  She assumed he was going to the bathroom, but he turned the other way.  Her heart sank a little.

"Nice Irish goodbye" She texted him.

"Sorry.  I suddenly felt very awkward and had to make a hasty exit."

"Weird that you'd feel that way all of a sudden."

"Yeah.  It's not like I have an uncontrollable mental affliction that sometimes causes random bursts of anxiety."

"Since when?" She thought to herself.  In actuality she answered "Okay well I guess I'll go fuck myself then."

He shot back with venom.  "What do you want me to say?  'It's not totally weird and here's why!' Trust me, I wish I could say that.  What do you want?  An explanation?  An apology?"

Tears stung her eyes in the middle of the restaurant.  She was surrounded by the troupe and needed to pull herself together before someone noticed.  "Nothing" she replied.

"Okay then.  Sorry if I upset you.  Sorry if you felt slighted."

"Sigh.  Just forget about it.  Conversation stricken."

The next morning once she got control and a better understanding of her emotions, she realized what she had been feeling.  She had an expectation of what was going to happen that night, and it wasn't what happened.  She again texted KSL.

"I'm sorry.  I reacted as well as I could in the moment.  It's just that you've never just left a situation like that before, and coupled with my abandonment issues and the anxiety of the night it didn't mix well.  It felt like something was wrong, maybe with us, that I had to fix.  I'm sorry."

No answer.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Gunshots and More

She and Dusky had been working on their project for a couple of hours when he said "I'm burnt out.  Let's make you something to eat and have a bitch session."

It was so nice to be talking again, to converse with Dusky.  She always missed him until she saw him again, he was so awesome to be around.  They talked about life, love, and all the garbage actors they knew and the silly things they did.

He was just getting up to leave at 11 PM when they heard 5 gunshots outside the building.  "You aren't going anywhere" she said to him.

"I'll be fine, I'm parked by the bar right out front.  Literally I'm walking like 10 feet from the building to my car."

She reluctantly let him go.  She heard his elevator door close when she got a phone call from SD.

"Are you home?  Can I come up please?!?!?!"

"Of course!" She opened the door and waiting for her to come up.  SD had seen the whole thing, the gunman shooting into the parking lot...the one right where Dusky's car was parked.

Luckily Dusky called a minute later to say that he had watched the cops run up and tackle the guy, and he was in custody.  She was still holding onto a shaking SD as she answered the call from him.

Now that SD was safe she went to the balcony and looked over at all the cop cars.  Then she figured that the police might need a statement from her, and they should go downstairs to the lobby.

In the lobby she seemed to calmed down quite a bit, finally going back to her own studio feeling a little shook up but fine.

She went up to her own studio and chatted with Banana, the only other one that would be up this late.  Their conversation took an interesting turn and she found herself getting upset by the subject matter.  She knew she needed to stop talking about it and spiraling, so she said goodnight and took a big swig of her hydrocodone.

She was only asleep for 20 minutes before she was awake again at 2 AM.  She picked up her phone as MG sent her a Snapchat of her bruised and battered face.