Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Mourning

She had lately begun missing him and thinking about him a lot.  Her ex was such a big part of her life for so long.  She trusted him with her everything.  At the beginning of their marriage he had gotten 100% of her.  He might not have understood her completely, but he was willing to listen.

She missed him.  She missed her best friend.

She wished she could tell him everything.  She imagined a world where she could tell him about KSL and he would magically not be devastated.  Instead he would empathize with her and tell her what she needed to hear...that she had dodged a bullet, and didn't deserve to be treated like that by anyone.

She wished she could tell him how beautiful it had been with Piz.  How even though it still hurt like hell, it had also healed her when she needed it.

She wished more than anything that she felt comfortable coming to him with anything more than lighthearted fun for fear of crushing him.  She missed being understood, cared for...not forgotten.  Not the pretending kind that KSL did with her, but the actual caring kind that her ex did for so long.

But she had no right to try and get back in his life at this point.  Even if she needed it...even if he needed it.

God did she ever need it.  She felt like she was falling apart, and her heart was made of glass.

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