Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Walks of Art

Drinks at a bar before the restaurant opened.  Dinner at her favorite ramen house.  A half an hour at a youth poetry slam with current students from her old high school.  A show where neither of them had a job to do but be audience members.  A gallery opening.  Spending time with each other talking about everything that matter to them at the time.  A hilarious late night drive through for food for him and desert for her.  He had even offered to drive a majority of the time.

Had they been romantically involved, it would have been a hell of an epic date.  As it was, it was a great and fun night out between friends.  It was nice that they didn't have to worry about their significant others being jealous, that time was behind them.  In fact, it had been his girlfriend that said they should go to the ramen place.  Everything felt pretty settled in their friendship, and she felt comfortable moving along with it being the same way, this way, for a long time.  She knew the dynamic would shift a bit after this show was over, but she had a feeling they would still make time for each other.

He had asked her at the end of the night what her favorite moment was.  All of it was great, but she had enjoyed the deep conversation with dinner.  Blurred a bit by the mojitos, it was great to have someone that made her think and question without making it feel like her feelings were invalid.  He understood her in a way that no one else had.  That didn't make him the most important person in her life, but it certainly brought him up the list quite a bit.  She was lucky to have him as a friend, and wished she could think of something to do for him.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015


The crush had disappeared on her way to work one day when she realized she didn't think about him as she sailed under his street.  That KD Lang "Constant Craving" was over.  But she still had that odd disdain for his new relationship.  Eventually she would come around to being happy for them, but for now she rolled her eyes every time their schmoopy couple photos got set as a default on their pages.  It was her birthday today, and he posted not just once but twice on her Facebook wall, with multiple photos.  Ugh.

They had grown apart, but after a day-long panic attack that rattled her body, it was only his hug at rehearsal that made her calm down.  A few minutes after she felt that release of nervous anxiety, and took her first deep breath since 9 AM that morning.

They had made plans to hang with each other on their one day off this week.  She was looking forward to it even though she knew their friendship would never be the same.  She mostly looked forward to the calm she could feel having alone time with him.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Playing Pretend with Fatigue

Her energy level is always teetering on empty.  She was always just getting by.  If she went for a hike, or a walk longer than a half hour, She'd be laid out for days.

KSL, the actor a foot taller than her, thought it was funny to have her get a running start to high five him...friends dancing around an empty bar and looking at her sitting down and wondering why she wasn't joining in...it's not fun.

She didn't want anyone to think she couldn't do something, so she stayed silent.  Only a few people knew that she has this illness.  She wished no one had to know.  She wished she had a job that had insurance so she could go to a doctor and get medicine before it runs out in the next month.  But it was not looking good.  Or fun.

There was no light at the end of this tunnel.  Not right now.  She was waiting for a bend in the road.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Ben Nye The Makeup Guy

Who sends emails anymore?  Her director apparently.  At 9:00 AM on "Makeup Rehearsal" she had emailed to say that no one had ordered the makeup, so it was going to have to wait.

She had never done a literal face palm before, but she did one now.  The director was basically giving up, saying they would rehearse other things that night.  She was giving up on her show, because basically not everyone was available together again until tech week.  First time directors were NOT her cup of tea.

A skipped lunch and several phone calls later, and both the chorography was set and the makeup delivered.  She wouldn't get reimbursed for the makeup for awhile, but it was worth it to save the entire show.  She knew she wouldn't get the credit she deserved for saving the day, but she wasn't really doing it for the credit.

What would they do without her?  Roll up the show and go home I guess.

Friday, September 4, 2015

The Ring

She had never subscribed to the thought that if you forget your ring at home then something is wrong in the marriage.  Sometimes you are in a hurry and just don't get a chance to put it on that day.

However, her husband had lost his.  Less than a year into their 10th anniversary rings, his was gone.  She had bought their first ones, days before the wedding.  They had both let that bit of wedding list fall to the wayside, and ended up with a three ring set that cost $500 from a department store. 

When it came to buying their 10th anniversary rings, he was supposed to pick up the tab since she had gotten the last one.  That didn't happen.  He had to pay for something else and she shelled out the money for the rings.  About 8 months later, he had lost his ring.  It hurt worse than the 10 years when he complained that the first ring hurt him.

She slowly stopped wearing her ring.  It might have been on purpose, and meant something.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Rage Monster

"So, what was with that temper tantrum he threw the other day?" The 22 year old asked about the 38 year old.

She took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to answer.  It was hard to explain how PJ had reacted, even though out of anyone else on the planet she could explain it.

"He...just really hates being late.  He was...I have to talk to him about it, it wasn't okay how he reacted."

His new job had kept him late, and he was late to rehearsal.  It was not that big of a deal, but he was an INFJ.  Being late is something that really alters their perception on life and it affects them horribly.  Apparently the way it changed him was he threw fits.

He had walked in apologizing, clearly angry at his job.  He walked across the stage and threw his backpack down with a loud thud.  It was so loud that everyone in the room simultaneously reacted verbally, yelling "Woah!" or "Hey!" and "Are you okay?" and he continued to respond in anger.  He just wanted to get on with it, not wanting to take a moment to get himself together as the director suggested.  They launched into the scene, but it wasn't funny as it had been before he arrived.  It was a dark comedy, but it was more comedy than dark.  It became more dark as he came late the next day.

He even showed up angry to a restaurant as they all went to dinner before the bargain movie night that had become their staple.  He showed up "with a headache" and rebuffed any help anyone offered him.  She reminded herself that night to take people's help and stop being so stubborn.

"You need to talk to him about it?  Like, as the stage manager?"  The 22 year old actor asked as he sipped his whiskey at the bar after rehearsal.

"I need to tell him as a friend.  Not as the stage manager.  He doesn't realize how he is effecting others.  Once he knows, he'll be better at it."

She hoped to god she was right.