KSL had called her after he got out of rehearsal and asked if she needed him to come over. She said no, as her panic attack had just ended and she was covered in sweat.
He kept her on the phone, talking about what might have caused the attack in the first place. He listened as she freaked out over all kinds of things in her life...being alone, feeling like her standards were so high that she would always be alone. Feeling like she came back into town and jumped unwanted into everyone's lives.
He kept her talking for over an hour, digging deeper into her psyche, asking her why she felt the way she did. She confided that she was always under pressure to be the adult, the bigger person, for everyone. She told him about a past job that had said they were holding her to a higher standard than everyone else, and how unfair that seemed, but also indicative of her life.
She told him she was so very afraid of never having anyone care about her, ever. She told him that even though all these thing were valid and true, they wouldn't be as terrible to deal with tomorrow. She was just upset today, high strung. She would get over it.
"Until when?" He asked.
"Until the next panic attack."
"Exactly."
"I can't help the way I feel. There is nothing I can do about it. This is how I deal. Internally until it manifests itself physically. It's the Penny way."
She talked about how she always put everyone else's needs ahead of hers.
"Obviously that came from somewhere in your past." He stated. "I guess it was just how I was raised." She stumbled. She wasn't sure how to really fix that either.
"But I'm a good friend right?" He asked her.
"Well, I don't have any other friends that would go down on me during my period, so I'd say that you go above and beyond." She retorted. He laughed. "What did you expect me to say?" She asked.
"I don't know....but not that."
