Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Fighting Off The Lonely

She felt so isolated in the house, and burdened with responsibility that she had been avoiding for 2 months.  She now had a dog to walk, plants to water, and rehearsal to attend.  She even had homework in the form of two books to read while she was away.

And she was lonely.  She wanted to see people.  She stopped by her mother's house to visit for a minute and pick up her mail.  She also went to pick up a check that her ex had promised her, but couldn't find it in the house.  She texted him and he said his checks hadn't come in yet, so he was bringing cash by for her.  She gave him the address for the house she was sitting.

He came by and ended up staying for a couple of hours.  They talked about their life, and where their relationship stood.  He asked if it was basically over, and she said there was no way she could say.  If you held a gun to her head, she would say that yes, it was.  But she cared too much about him to rip that band-aid off.  "Also, never say never" she reminded herself.

They talked about money, about how he needed to get it together.  He was still trying to get it together for her, and she told him that he needed to get it together for himself.  Nothing he should do from here on out should be for her benefit. 

She talked a little about how much pressure she felt within the relationship in the past year and further back; she felt like she always had to keep an eye on her finances to bail him out when something unexpected happened.  How she read the love languages book to try and improve their relationship, but he had refused or reverted back after a few months. 

He said he had spent this time apart really thinking about everything, where it had all gone wrong.  He admitted that he hadn't tried.  He knew that something was wrong, but chose to hide from it rather than fix it.  He still wanted them to work, but he would rather just be friends then lose her forever...so he was okay with the separation.

They both cried at different times, but it was more of a release than a sorrow.  They had put off this conversation for too long...or maybe it came when it needed to.  Either way they were having it, and it felt cathartic to get it out there.

They agreed they should meet up every couple of weeks to check in with each other.  "In the meantime, if you want to go to a show or something give me a call."

She hesitated, then said "I'm not sure it would be sending the right message to go out on dates with each other.  You know how the theatre community is, they are like our children.  I don't want to possibly give them false hope."

He nodded. "That makes sense.  Something like this is nice too."

"It is nice."

And it was.

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