"So, what did you think?" KSL said. "Now that you basically know more about me than 90% of my friends."
She had finished most of the blog posts by opening night of their play. As the champagne reception dull roared around them, they kept their voices low and talked about his life, the hand he was dealt, and his choices. They talked in hushed tones, as this was sensitive subject matter. They looked around, changed the subject when people hovered too close. Hindsight is 20/20, and it became obvious that they were talking about a subject they maybe shouldn't be. Their body language, legs close to each other on either side of the couch, most likely looked bad from someone on the outside.
The next night, while quoting the play to each other, he told her that the BFF had said something to him. "How are you doing?" the BFF had asked him. "Good, I'm doing good" he had replied.
"You know that Penny tells me things, right? I know you aren't okay." The BFF had told KSL.
So much for best friend anonymity. It pained her more than she let onto KSL that night, but the trust level was officially gone from her and BFF's friendship. She realized that all the things that had come back to bite her in the ass with other people could have only come from her.
Lucky for her, he understood when she told him it had been an offhand comment to explain her situation and not his. He understood enough that he suggested they go out for a drink since his girlfriend was at her mom's house watching the latest episode of Downton Abbey. She had deftly avoided actually speaking to his girlfriend and her mom that night at the show, unsure of where her mouth would lead her.
"So what do you want to know?" KSL asked her as they settled in with a drink at a bar a few days later. "Go ahead, be blunt."
They talked about the giant wall they both had up, his ability to trust his life with people but not his feelings. He talked about the various women in his life, and she thought again to herself how they both fixated on romantic relationships.
They were brutally honest with each other; she told him she was worried about her own looks after being lumped in the same category with his other interests. She found them all pretty moon-faced or horsey looking. He seemed a little insulted by this, but took it in stride.
They had a deep conversation about their lives...their similarities, their differences. He talked about his relationships, the ones who got away. They talked again about his wall, his inability to see his negatives as positives. "I really do wish that I could make you see what I see." She told him. The rest of the bar faded away, and it was like they were the only two in the entire universe. She didn't even remember hearing the music.
"Well, I'm going to therapy to figure that all out, why I can't accept myself." KSL said, a little downtrodden.
"Just keep in mind I don't like losers, okay?" She said to him playfully, trying to cheer him up.
They looked at each other and she smiled at him. Suddenly, a text from his girlfriend made him look down. It was time for him to leave. He said he had to go to the bathroom first, and that he'd be right back. Before she could get out that she needed to go to the bathroom too, he booked it past her quickly. Upon return he hugged her tightly, and for a longer time than he normally did.
The hug was reminiscent of a hug that PJ would have given her. It was extended, and held purpose. While still in the hug he turned his head to her without letting her go, and before she could process it, he was kissing her cheek. Just as quickly he was out the door, leaving her alone in the bar. She suddenly felt sad, like all the wind was just knocked out of her.
He was the one who was big on walking everyone to their car, insisting because it was him that was scared of getting raped. She already knew she was about to overthink this one.
