After 24 hours of swirling thoughts in her mind, she still didn't know what feelings to settle on. The office manager waived her into the office for a small chat, which lead to the ultimate question: "Has your husband found a job yet?" It quickly spiraled into everything else that was wrong (minus KSL drama) and the office manager was super supportive. She told her about her first marriage, and how happy she was with her second husband now. Office manager told her "You are a great person. You need to do this for you. You don't deserve this."
She went home after work, she had nowhere else to go that day. His car was in the driveway, and it was a dagger through her heart. She suddenly realized it was now or never. A rush of blood filled her ears, and her balance was suddenly off.
He crumbled. He begged. He forced her into agreeing that she would give him three weeks to get his shit together and get a job. He said "We never should have moved back here" and she was quick to correct him that if they had stayed where they were, she would have killed herself. By year 4 (out of 10) she was crying herself to sleep with how miserable she was there. He obviously couldn't take it anymore.
"Is there someone else?" He asked. In her head she wanted to say "Yes, myself."
"No," she answered half-truthfully. She didn't expect to make a life with KSL, and this wasn't really because of him. This had been going on for years. "You thought it was PJ or KSL didn't you?" She asked. He nodded. "No. They are giving me something that I'm not getting from you however. That's why I'm hanging out with them more."
They spoke a little more, and she held him for a long time.
"Why don't you go see a movie or something?" He said, basically telling her to get out of the house for a few hours. She gathered the things she just laid down, and walked out the door. She got into her car and drove down a block, and then pulled over.
She sobbed. She had hurt him so much, and felt so terrible. She also felt so free, like she was able to move forward for the first time in a long time.
She texted Goldie that she was coming over.
"What's wrong with the relationship is primal. Your sex drive is based on having certain things provided to you, that's just how it is. If you aren't being provided for, taken care of, the sex drive and love diminish." It felt very anti-feminist to say, but it was very, very true. She needed an alpha male, someone who would, at the very least, be an equal partner. Someone who might be KSL, but might not.
But right now she needed to just rely on herself.
