She decided, the next night, to take the bull by the horns. Afterglowing, and after making sure the other was happy, she saw the look cross his face again. Where KSL furrowed his brow and got puppy dog eyes, Piz's soft brown eyes almost turned inward as he thought about his struggle.
She was again reminded that this was the first relationship that she'd ever had with an introvert...this must be what it was like to date her.
"I see you worrying about me. I can see it in your eyes. Why are you so scared?" She asked him. Her heart must have stopped waiting for him to answer, she became lightheaded.
"I'm worried about you...hurting you. I've been hurt before, and I don't want to be the cause of that for anyone else. I'm....I'm not looking for anything long term right now." He said, searching her eyes with a look that screamed "understand me!"
"I'm not looking either...but I don't even want to think about that right now. Where it will go, where we will end up. I want to enjoy the time we have and figure it out when you leave in March. When you worry though, I worry."
"I'm sure you will find someone else in a second. You're cute and you are a phenomenal kisser!" Piz told her.
The comment stung. She didn't want to find someone else. She didn't even want to think about it right now.
She took a deep breath, and she talked to him about KSL. About how it was doomed before it began, and how she emotionally put a lot into it and got hurt. She told him that she was scared too. Piz and KSL said similar things that freaked her out. She started to really think about how similar this situation could be. Maybe he was saying this because he didn't really care about her that much, this was really just a fling for him.
Maybe he would realize his mistake and bail out tomorrow, or next week. Leave her now instead of in March.
After she walked him to the elevator and was back in her apartment, she felt a stabbing pain in her back. It radiated to her chest, and she realized this was a quick, intense panic attack.
It lasted three hours.
