She shouldn't feel this way. It wasn't even really a break up...they were never really together. Piz had ended up being just as bad, if not worse, than KSL.
How could her heart get trampled on three times this year when she'd only been in one real relationship?
She'd been thinking about her ex a lot. Wondering if she had some sort of chemical imbalance and really things hadn't been all that bad. She still loved him. She'd always love him. When she sat and talked with him last weekend she realized it. She'd always care about him. But she knew that she had broken it. Broken him. It would never be the same.
They were trying to be friends again. He had said that he wanted to sign the papers and get it over with so they could go back to being best friends. That had been healing to hear.
They were talking about another couple and she mentioned how she would never change her relationship status on Facebook without giving him a head's up first, as a courtesy.
"You wouldn't need to do that." He said.
"But, I would." She replied. "Not that it'll be changing anytime soon. But I would."
Then she suddenly wondered if he had already started dating someone else. She put it out of her mind immediately. He was working crazy hours, he didn't have the time.
Or did he?
She was having more retrospectives. It was amazing, all the little adjustments she had made to let Piz into her life. Her earplugs still sat on her bedside table due to his adorable snoring. She would lay in her bed and imagine his arms grabbing for her, enveloping her. Not letting her go the whole night. The way he would squeeze her and say he never wanted to stop, he wanted to never let her go. He would grab the sides of her face, stare deep into her eyes, and say "You are just so cute!"
What happened? How did she go from being cute, irresistible, and someone he could have sex with 3 times a night....to nothing? What was wrong with him? She had been SO chill and understanding...had she been TOO understanding? KSL had said that once, she was too accessible. But he had also said once she was closed off. Which was it?
She was still emotionally messed up from starting on the new pill. She could feel that it was causing her major depression. She had lashed out at Goldie, and had to apologize the next day. She had finally come out of the depression, she knew the difference now. She knew she was despondent, and it wasn't just the ghosting of Piz. It was all the evil estrogen flowing through her veins.
"I guarantee you're on Piz's mind daily. He just doesn't know what to do about it." Dawn said. It sounded comforting. She told Dawn she felt like one of those women with hysteria in the 1940's. If she saw him on the street she would slap him, then kiss him.