Thursday, November 17, 2016

Triggers

The elevator doors slide open and the solider stepped on with his child.  It was very early in the morning, the sun barely over the horizon.  The child was asleep in his father's arms, still clutching his toy car tightly.

She found it amazing that even in a deep sleep, a child was able to hold so steadfastly to his plaything, likely his favorite.

She suddenly flashed to Piz, and how even when he was sleeping he would reach out for her, hold her.  Snuggle into her neck, all unconsciously.  She missed that...maybe not him so much.  She was starting to become one of those dumb girls who would go to a concert and cry because her ex-boyfriend used to be a drummer.

Her boss told her a story about how the other night his wife was making dinner and they had forgotten an ingredient to the dish.  He said that he would run out and get it, and a minute later asked her "Are you coming?" because they did everything together.  She felt a pang in her chest because she had never had that.

She realized that she had missed out on the domesticity of it all in her relationships.  She and the ex had always just split chores, or he put them off until she just did them because she was tired of seeing it not done.  In fact, in remembering it, there was an element of "just go away and let me do it" when she suggested that they do things together.

She was dreading this upcoming trip with him.  Even though it would be less than 48 hours together, a majority would be in the car talking.  She knew she was bound to cry most of the way.  She was developing too many triggers...literally everything hurt.

At the very least, at least she and KSL's friendship seemed to be fully back on track.  She no longer felt any kind of romantic feelings towards him, so in that regard at least Piz had fulfilled his purpose.

After a late night movie, KSL made mention of how he slept with a full body pillow because he "doesn't sleep alone well."  It had been the third or fourth time he had thrown that tidbit of information out to her.  It was almost like he was asking for it...so she bit.

"So, if you don't sleep well without someone...how come after all the times we had late nights together you never stayed over?"  She asked.

"Honestly, I didn't want you catching feels.  Plus we could barely fuck on that thing, it's too small for both of us to sleep on."  He said this as he hopped out of the car to check his mail.  She howled with laughter.  She thought to herself "The best way to not catch feels is to not fuck.  Silly boy."


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