"You should be alone for awhile."
"This would be a good chance for some alone time for you. You should concentrate on yourself."
It was coming at her from every angle. She felt doomed to be alone forever.
"You aren't meant to be alone." Said everyone of those people that told her it was good to be alone for awhile.
So which was it?
"I miss it. The romance of it." She said to KSL one night as she was driving him to rehearsal.
"I know what you mean. I miss having someone to go home too that asked how my day was and meant it. Someone who gave a fuck about me. I mean, I know I have friends that care, but it's not really the same." He responded.
"I miss the physical of it. The feeling that someone desires you. Physically reaches out. Not in a sexual way per se, but just holding hands or cuddling on the couch as you watch a movie. You can feel their eyes on you, adoring you for who you are. You know what I'm talking about?" She glanced over, as he had been uncharacteristically quiet.
"I get it. I know what you are talking about. It's hard, man. Being alone is a real bitch sometimes."
"Yeah. I'm not digging it."
"Hey, you got some from marathon man for awhile there though. Had some great sex, way better than what we had."
"Stop it. The only difference between you and him was that he actually had feelings for me, which made it mean a lot more. Just means he hurt me more, because I stupidly let him in...He should've been afraid to lose me, not let me go."
He was quiet again. Unlike the night before, when she had given him a ride and he had told his lame dad jokes at high volume, and freaked her out when she tried to back her car out of her tight spot in-between two SUVs. She went to smack his leg and, according to him, hit the tip of his penis instead.
"I'm sorry! You scared me!" He seemed to lighten up from the blow pretty quickly.
Now he was quiet, pensive. Unlike him completely. She'd already asked how his day had gone twice, so she didn't press again. Whatever it was, he would tell her whenever he was ready.
"The ex said he did want me to go to that wedding, so that should be fun. Wonder how that sleeping arrangement is going to work out." She mused.
"He'll be a gentleman, he'll take the floor." KSL said. "No he won't," she retorted "He would always take the bed because he was taller and needed it more than I did. Nothing will happen even if we sleep in the same bed. If he was going to try something or fight for me he would have done it already."
KSL hugged her tighter and for a longer time when she dropped him off. "I've been dying for more of that coffee we had at the capitol. I'm off on Monday if you want to go get some more."
She told him she was down for it.
"And didn't you mention our favorite portable beverages soon?" He asked.
"Those are always in the back of my mind." She smiled.