Monday, October 3, 2016

Trust Fall

"I can't trust it."  MG said of her budding relationship.

"I can't trust mine either."

"What is wrong with us?  It's good, why can't we live in the now and just accept that they like us, they are attracted to us, and that's awesome?  Why do we have to live in the future and fuck up our present?"

"I don't know.  I'm so fucked up."

"I want to bail out.  I want to be like, forget it.  I'm not getting hurt again, I can't do this." She meant it.  If Piz wasn't so sick, she might just have just ended it tonight.  I mean, he said he sometimes just loses interest and leaves people!  And then says "not to alarm you or anything" as if there was some other reaction besides alarm bells going off like crazy in her head.

Part of her wanted to run.  Never answer his texts again, change her number, something drastic.  The last thing she wanted to be was left behind.  How did she manage to get herself into a position where she could be rejected like this?  Is this how ALL new relationships were?

According to Goldie the next day, they were.  Goldie said she needed to stop overthinking, stop reacting when she saw the worry in his eyes, and just keep enjoying it like she didn't know any better.

She was sure going to try.  It helped that she wouldn't see him until Thursday, and it was only Sunday.

She sent him the text messages that she would normally send him during the week, and on days where she didn't text him at lunch he would text her by the afternoon.  She encouraged him to do well on his presentation, and he told her to have a good day...and that he'd be thinking about her.

How was she supposed to maintain this balancing act of falling, yet not falling for him?  He had to stop saying cute shit.

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