"I should have just gone home. The only reason I came out was
because it was PJ's birthday. I didn't mean to bring everyone else down."
"We
WANT you there. You need to start seeing how awesome you are. I know
your situation sucks, but you've got to be positive about the things
that are good."
Another almost 2:00 AM conversation in her sanctuary, this time with the BFF. Almost everything she was saying she knew to be true...but she could only see it through the heavy veil of the desperation and depression she was experiencing. She was nearsighted, and her BFF was holding the truth very far away. Not so far as that she couldn't see it was the truth, but it was hard to know how to get back to it. It was all so very blurry.
Her confidence was shot, that was for sure. She would work on it, in the meantime she felt like she had messed things up with the guy. The BFF said "He called me and said we should go down and visit you at lunch, that you were going through something big and we should be there for you."
That lunch break had been a little heartbreaking for her, as she tried to explain what was happening to them, but then kept getting cut off. She had invited just him, but he had brought her BFF along without asking. She was always happy to see her BFF, but it hindered her socially as soon as someone else was involved. People get interrupted, you start talking about someone else. It's no longer communicating, but entertaining.
If it had just been one of them, they could have sat down and had an interesting conversation. Now that it was a threesome, she felt the need to take them to a coffee shop for snacks. It didn't accomplish what it set out to accomplish. In addition, it felt like he didn't want to be alone with her.
Her BFF's "You're awesome stop beating yourself up" speech came with extra conversation, mostly about PJ. She'd forgotten to just be selfish and open up. There were just too many people all the time. No one wanted to hear about her. She didn't want to work that hard just to be heard.
