He was also in a bad mood because his ex had requested to meet with him, and had torn into him for what sounded like hours. She had hit all the low points of their relationship, and had taken some low blows as well.
They had started out as fuck buddies and it turned into something more. She flat out told him that his job, his ambition, wasn't good enough. He was supposed to be supporting her through her 10 years of college, and then after his indentured servitude, she would take over the bread winning. To her, he was a project to be finalized, worked on. He was a sculpture to be molded, not a real person. She was even the one who insisted that he go to therapy She was a real piece of work, and the more that he told her about it, the angrier she became over the whole situation. He must have some serious low self esteem to go back to that a second time.
They had walked too far, and were both physically having a hard time.
"So, then....do you think...that we...we are..." She puffed, having a hard time catching her breath after their urban jungle miles walk.
"What?" He asked.
"Do you want to stop what we are doing....because...of the parallels in your last relationship?"
He raised his head a little higher in recognition of the situation. It was funny that he had never thought of it that way before, when she thought it was the whole reason he was telling her. Justification. And rightly so. Did she think of him as a project? She didn't think so, until he brought it up. Was that what she was doing with him, just trying to fix someone?
"So, you said the other day that you felt like your therapist would say you are only fucking me for validation. It made me think, what am I really getting out of this situation?" She asked him.
"So, what are you getting out of it?" He asked her.
She replied "I'm still thinking about it actually. It's fun and validating for me sure, but with all the emotional bullshit you put me through on top of it, I think I should be getting way more dick."
He smirked at her, and she continued. "I value our friendship, WAY more than you seem to. And though I'm surprised by it myself, I'm able to separate the physical relationship we have from the emotional pretty well. Right now you are being a crap friend, but I still find you attractive sexually. I've let you get away with a lot more as a friend, maybe because of the physical. That's where it gets blurry. I make allowances I shouldn't because I'm leading with my genitals."
At this point they had reached her building, and he stated he was coming up for water. She continued her speech.
"I was thinking about that time during the show, when I told you not to kiss me again until you actually had feelings for me, and it wasn't really friendly kisses. Do you remember?" He nodded, still breathing heavily.
"I've been going back and forth about re-instating that. Because although I know I'm able to separate the sex from the friendship pretty well...I'm not sure you are able to."
She snuck a peek at his reaction. He stood against the corner of the elevator, his shoulders slumped. His breathing still labored, he was considering this possibility. His eyes flicked up to meet hers, and she could not read the intense look he gave her. She looked away, up at the numbers to see if they were almost to her floor.
The doors opened.