Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Excuse Me, Do You Validate?

"Yep, words of affirmation are high for me.  Basically Netflix and Validate Me." she joked to ODD.

It seemed that validation was the theme lately.  She had lunch with a friend of hers that was in a new relationship, but her romantic interest wasn't being very affectionate.  She told her friend that men loved big gestures, and she just needed to take the bull by the horns sometimes.

She could see her friend's hesitation and was suddenly struck with the question: Why were woman raised to automatically carry such a heavy burden, emotionally and physically?  We still weren't allowed to be sexual beings, to feel right asking for more sex, so instead we just silently get more and more depressed over the relationship.  As women, we need to break free of this mold.

Everyone needs a little validation to live.  Just like Tinkerbell, everyone needs applause.  She started thinking about what validation she was getting from KSL...she couldn't think of anything except that she was a hot piece of ass.  Otherwise they seemed to barely be friends.

After his show they both went midnight shopping at Wal-Mart together.  On the way over she talked about how she was meeting the Online Dating Dude soon.  She had deleted all her dating profiles because they were all tall dudes that wanted their women to hike, fish, and camp.

"That's when you say that it's not for you, but you are willing to try it." KSL said.

"Then what?  When I try it and hate it the relationship is over and we've both wasted our time when I could just say it's not my deal in the first place.  Why lie about something like that just to keep a guy I don't even have anything in common with interested?" She replied.

"Well now I'm not taking you hiking." He joked.

"No, see you I'd go hiking with, you know my physical limitations."

"No I don't." He said.  She shot him a glance across the car's console.  He backtracked "I mean, like in the hiking sense I don't."

The conversation was brought around to his next therapy appointment, which was early the next month.  "I don't think she's going to be happy about you."

"Me?  You are talking to your therapist about me?  What are you saying?"

"I'm going to tell her I've entered into a non-committed sexual relationship with someone."

She replied sarcastically "Ooooh, it sounds so sexy when you say it!"  She softened and said "What do you think she'll say?"

He said "She won't want me to do it, and tell me that I'm just doing it for validation."

As they were walking out of the store, he said "I'm going to tell you something that you aren't going to be happy about, but I want to be honest."

She braced herself and went to the lowest common denominator...that he had given her an STD or something similar.  It didn't turn out to be that, but why she wasn't invited to his movie nights on Sundays.  It was because his roommate was still miffed about what Goldie had overheard, so it would be awkward if she was over there.  He said "You can say I told you so if you want, you did call this I guess."

She kept silent, her brain churning out thoughts on how to process this.  On one hand it was the roommates house too and she deserved to be comfortable in it.  On the other, this was the same problem they had just fought for weeks over.

"You just not gonna speak to me now?"  He said, not being able to take the silence any longer.  She had been thinking so loudly in her own brain that she didn't realize she'd gone that long without speaking.

"I'm processing."

"You're angry."

"Well I'm not happy."

She started to think he would never stand up for her, never even be her friend.  Maybe all he was seeking was physical validation from her.  What validation was she getting?  Just that she was still hot enough to fuck and nothing more.  Sex is great, but the sex they were having wasn't even that great.  He had mentioned he needed to start jerking off more to last longer, and she retorted that he owed her an orgasm for last time.  He was, of course, keeping track, stating technically he was up by one.  She corrected him and said he was up by maybe half.  The first time she had almost orgasmed through penetration and really wanted to do that.

She felt like he wasn't ever going to look out for her or respect her.  When she was at lunch with her friend, she was presented with options: drop the friend and just have sex, drop the sex and just be friends, or stop it all.

She had a decision to make.  Part of her wanted to wait and see what his therapist said.  Part of her wanted to end it right away before he could talk to his therapist. 

She wasn't sure what she was going to do, but it did have to be something.

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