"I want to walk the crooked mile later when it gets cooler. You up for it?"
"Sure."
They had been studio-locked for a long time, only once meeting up for a movie with other people involved. His roommate had been there, and they started out the walk talking about her.
"She wanted me to say that we decided to cancel. She didn't want you coming."
"That would've been awkward because I would have been there with Dusky anyway. What is her deal with me? I defended her." She bit her tongue and decided not to tell him that Goldie had gotten more information, and it most certainly WAS her that had been talking about fucking him, and that her friend was saying she didn't want to hear them fucking again that night, or see the bruises on her the next morning. She had decided to drop it. It was before they had gotten together, and what he did before that was his business.
"All I've got to do is hold on for 10 more months and then I can come up with a new plan." Almost the same sentence structure as when he moved in with his girlfriend. He would always be waiting for the future to reach him.
He was complaining about all the usual stuff, and she was letting him wear himself out. His roommate was a bitch, had problems, might be losing custody of her kid, etc. She was in a bad mood, he was still pissy about what other people are saying about him, and her. Even his ex thought he and the roommate were fucking. He was angry about everyone thinking he was doing things he wasn't doing, and how no one thought he was changing when he was trying to hard to make everything right, including taking all of the blame in situations.
After he had wound down, she said "Are you just looking to vent or do you want my opinion?" He replied "By all means, go ahead!"
"Okay, remember I asked you first. Everyone talks about you behind your back (and I'll get to why that doesn't happen as much as you think in a minute) because you don't outwardly change. Whenever a situation arises you take on all the blame, you say it's your fault, that you are an asshole. But you NEVER say 'I'm sorry, what can I do to make it better and have it not happen next time?' You never learn from your mistakes, you just keep making them. People want resolutions, not the same mistakes over and over again. Beating yourself up and then not doing anything about it makes people feel LESS sorry for you."
"And people don't talk about you near as much as you think they do. You go to these great lengths, including treating me like shit in public, to get people to stop talking about us. I had MORE people come to me asking if we were fighting then I ever did asking if we were fucking. They saw how you treated me, saw that I was upset by it, and came to my aid. People talk because they care, and I'm glad for that kind of support in my life. I know you don't see it like that, but maybe you should start, and realize that the talk is something that, for the most part, YOU are creating."
He was quiet for longer than he usually was, taking it in. She had finally gotten through to him, got him to think about it. She wondered how long that would last. If she could judge by her ex, about a month or so. Maybe shorter. She could see his expression change and knew something else was on his mind, and asked him to share.
