They had just spoken the night before. Usually he would let it cool off for a couple of days. What in the hell was his problem?
"I'm just worried about my show."
"You never sent me anything for the script."
So he sent stuff to her, including a piece that was extremely autobiographical. It included the "relationship" he had lied to her about. The deciding factor for cutting him out of her life.
She had managed to almost forget about it. Reading about it brought it all back. It made her sick that the girl he had accidentally dated had made it into his writing, and she had still...never made an impact on his life.
"Any of the scripts your favorite?"
"That one was hard to read. Maybe just because I know it's true. But because it's true it might ring too true to actually get the laugh in the end. Or the hope. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's still hard for me, your whole "spark" thing. Maybe I'm too close to it. I'm not having a good day. Year. Life. Whatever."
"What's going on?"
"Just everything. Hard to be at work because it feels like the ax is going to drop any day and I can feel everyone's anxiety. Feeling like I'm too hard to love because I'm a fucking porcupine and I go on dates with guys who them delete their profiles after our first date. If I'm not worthy of employment or love or healthy friendships then what am I even still doing here. You know, the usual."
She took a deep breath and continued.
"Maybe that is why the whole spark thing is hitting me harder than it usually does. Like, we've officially made it to good friends that occasionally fuck but I'm not worthy of anything more. And never will be. Apparently."
"It has nothing to do with your worth as a person, as far as you and I are concerned. Please know that."
"Hard not to take it personally."
"Because you are too close to it. You're also still very much freshly divorced. And a self-identified hypersensitive. A lot of the relationship stuff that often is brushed off by others is gonna be painful for you."
"The divorce is in the works, and the feelings are long gone. Were gone long before you made it onto the scene."
"Wasn't suggesting that it had anything to do with love. More the social stigma that comes with it. The fact that you have had to be strong for so long makes you more sensitive to all the bullshit baggage that comes with the dating world."
"I don't think this is regular bullshit baggage. I think most people just date. Or fuck. Or be friends. But hey, maybe it's just normal for you."
***
MG saw the bruise on her arm later that day. She was caught, and told her that she had slept with KSL on New Years. She didn't tell her about any of the times before, and swore her to secrecy. She hoped to God that she didn't tell anyone.
