"It was...romantic. It was a romantic evening. We shared a blanket and watched the moon rise. He shut off all the lights so we could see the moon. We made each other laugh until our cheeks actually hurt. It's never romantic like that, and it threw me for a loop. I don't know what to think, because now it's just hardcore radio silence. It was full on boyfriend/girlfriend status, and now nothing. Which, to be fair, is typical of him when we get too close."
PJ took it all in as she spoke. He picked up his white Bic lighter and held it in-between his rough fingers.
"Pretend this is a magic wand. What do you want to have happen?"
She took a deep breath. "It's so hard to answer that. I know we wouldn't work out. I know it. It would be an emotional shitshow from beginning to end. I'd always think he was cheating. Eventually I'd be right. We've already hurt each other almost as badly as you can without being romantically involved. We've been brutal to each other. I can't imagine how bad we would get if there were feelings involved. Well, more than mine anyway."
PJ kept silent. He knew she was going to go the other direction.
"There is a lot of caring there too. I mean, he would have been out the door the first time we had sex if there hadn't been any feelings about me right?" PJ nodded, agreeing with her statement. He took a deep breath before he responded.
"I'm just trying to take it all in. He does have feelings for you, he cares for you, clearly. But...at times it just seems like a toxic relationship."
Maybe, for the new year, she needed to give up on KSL.
