Tuesday, July 10, 2018

One of Many Breaking Points

She hadn't been getting much sleep since her neighbor's had been letting their baby "cry it out" for weeks.  She'd made a joke on social media about calling CPS that had backfired spectacularly.  All her new parent friends didn't see it as a joke and got slightly aggressive.

Her mental health still wasn't where it should have been, and she didn't know why.  She didn't ever know what she was doing differently so she could fix it.

One of KSL's friends was at the apartment having a heart to heart with KSL, and she got a little sucked in, trying to help.

The girl was having a hard time with her living situation, and said to KSL "I wish I had gotten to move in with you.  We are so similar, we are the same level of clean and we like all the same things...it would have been perfect."  She sat on the couch and sobbed into KSL's chest.

"I didn't know you were looking for anything..." KSL answered.  Her logical brain knew he was saying this and meant it, but her emotions told her that in that moment he would have jumped ship if he could.  Her irrational heart told her that she was in the way, again, of someone's happiness.  Why had she been selfish enough to room up with someone when she clearly deserved to be alone forever.  Hell, maybe she should take her mom up on her offer to just buy her a house so that she'd be out of everyone's way.

She knew she needed to go somewhere to be cheered up.  She didn't really have close friends any longer, so she found herself at Mel's bar.  His greeting to her was lacking in any real feelings, and her irrational mind took over once more.  What was she even doing with him besides wasting both of their times?  She felt empty when she was with him now.  They had started this to just have fun and be casual...and it was coming up on a year and it was starting to feel terrible for her.

The next morning she texted him to tell him it was over.  She wanted it all to be over.

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