"I was in a bad relationship, and I thought I found someone who put up with my ranting and craziness and laughed at my jokes. So I kissed that person. And I got scared."
It had been almost two years. It was like the storm had finally passed through the town of her soul, and a quiet had finally come over, like after a great snowfall.
She wanted to say to him that he did find that person. She was glad that he had been there to listen to her and help her through one of the hardest moments of her life. She did find his rantings and craziness amusing, and wholeheartedly laughed at his jokes. She still did.
But she hesitated. She didn't want to tell him all that. He would take it as a come on, as a want on her part to be with him, and that wasn't what she wanted to say. That wasn't important or relevant at this moment in time.
So she stayed silent, and he fell silent as well. She had her answer. He got scared. So many things fell into place from the past, and she finally felt like she could move on. Move forward, not be stuck wondering why. She finally had understanding, and closure.
It wasn't until a few weeks later she suddenly realized how it all must have felt from his side. He followed his emotions and felt something for her, and kissed her. Then she freaked out the next day. was in her head, figuring out how to end her relationship. So he tried to backtrack, to make her feel better. Told her the kiss didn't mean anything, which ended up upsetting her further.
It was even more doomed from the start than she realized. She still didn't regret a minute of what happened, and still cared for him deeply. But she knew she cared for him far more than he cared for himself, and that wasn't likely to change anytime soon.
They did end up getting a little physical that night, but ultimately she stuck to her rule and they didn't have sex.