Dear Piz,
It's been almost 2 months since you said you'd be back in town and would give me a call so we could go out for a drink. I don't really expect you to contact me again, but there are still things I feel I need to say.
I've forgotten how you feel. I sleep on the pillow I put on my bed for you, but it no longer reminds me of sleeping on your chest. I don't remember exactly where all your tattoos were on your body.
I've forgotten how you feel. It breaks my heart to know that I won't hear from you. I'm embarrassed that I still think of you when I've become so accustomed to not having you around anymore. I wonder if I ever see you again if I'll find you differently. Maybe your goofy grin will look awkward instead of endearing. Maybe I'll look in your eyes and instead of caring, I'll finally see indifference.
I understand why you wanted to end things. I get that you needed to concentrate on your studies and your move and training. I get that you felt guilty for trying to get more out of me after we broke up then you should have. It was not fair to me for you to freak out and leave.
You know you were being a coward but letting me wait for two weeks until I made the first move. Then you apologized and never texted me back. Don't bring up that we could be friends when you have no interest in it.
You said that what we had was more than you using me as a warm body, but what else am I to believe at this point? You seem to be doing just fine ignoring me. You still don't go a full week without checking into the dating app. You unintentionally hurt me at every turn, because you lied. You said I wasn't just a warm body. I remember clearly lying in bed with you, you looking deep into my eyes and saying "You know that isn't what this is, right? This isn't just a fling for me."
But it was. It was worse, it was a rebound. I became the thing that I didn't want to be. To date I've only been someone's rebound girl. That became a trend because of you. And I know you didn't mean it. I know that you ended up caring too much which is why it ended the way it did. But that also just wasn't fair to me.
You said that when you moved back we could maybe start over. I wish you would have never said that, because my subconscious keeps thinking about that. Holding onto that possibility. Making plans. Like an idiot, because you are never going to call me back. Because you are a coward.
And I don't want to date a coward. So I'm writing this to you to release you from my heart. Because I don't even remember how you feel. But I remember how I feel, everyday. And it's not fair to me.
