Friday, December 28, 2018

The Six Month Lean In

She'd become worn down.  She could always pretend for a certain amount of time before she broke, but she had no longer had her own space to break down.  Living with someone, but especially KSL, caused only the tip of her iceberg to be above water.

Her mental health decided to weaken at the exact moment that she had her busiest day of her vacation.  She'd put off socializing until it all happened at once, and two social gatherings turned into four.

On the fourth however, she ended up in a conversation with an acquaintance that she enjoyed talking to.  He was a stand up comedian and they could go back and forth with great quips.  She missed having a witty tete-a-tete.

She mentioned this to KSL when she was finally home.  Naturally, his low self esteem caused him to apologize even though she never meant it as a dig to him.  But since he seemed to want to go through some self-loathing...

"It's not your fault, you just aren't the D&M type.  You just...don't have conversations.  You don't even want to really talk about the movies you make me watch.  You got cranky when I said Blade Runner didn't have as much running as I anticipated."

As if she had challenged him instead of stating a simple fact, so they launched into a retrospective of what she liked and disliked about the first half of their lease. 

"You are just so squirrely about everything between us." she repeated multiple times.  "I bought a special robe to get to my bathroom because you were being squirrely about nudity, which is silly considering our history." She dug a little deeper and let a little too much go, the tide recede slightly on her iceberg due to her being worn down by disappointment the entire month.

He stepped out of character as well, and told her a story of him happening upon a fellow actor years ago when she was changing.  He had been "squirrely" and she had said to him "These's just tits, honey"

"Remind me of this conversation in the future" he said, "So that I can try my best to be better."

The next morning he came out of his room, haggard.  "You okay?" She asked.

He spoke, and just based on his body language she knew he had taken the D&M too much to heart and was worried by it.  As if to confirm, he said "Hey, new rule; we don't start a D&M so late at night."

"That's fair" She answered.

For the next few days he was on his best behavior.

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