She woke up one morning, and the act of putting her feet on the ground felt like a defeat. She was depressed.
It was in this depression that she realized she hadn't actually been depressed in quite a while. She'd just been too busy.
Working on her new play had been difficult. No one was bonding, everyone was alpha-ing except for the director, and it was the stage manager's first time so she had to teach him the ropes without being overbearing. No one in the cast was bonding. She felt like she just went to get a little affection with JJ once in awhile.
Goldie was filming another movie and had actually cast her in it. It was her first time acting since college, and it was stressful to do the art direction and worry about a performance. While in production she rode the high of spending time with new people and being on a movie set. She thought she'd made a couple of friends, but their interest in Banana proved to show they were just looking for something else. She was happy Banana was getting the attention, but she was sad that these people didn't even want to be her friend.
At the end, she was also judging a local beauty pageant when a last minute addition to the shoot came up. She worked through the night, then went to day 1 of the pageant directly afterwards, followed by the last night of her play. In the end she was up for about 41 hours, and it took it's toll. After the next day the pageant was over, and thus all her projects had ended.
And so it all came crashing down. The vagintis she'd been fighting since the beginning of all the crazy suddenly raged. She called the doctor, thought about the friends she had made and lost in such a short time, and how there was nothing else to look forward to.
She wanted to deactivate her dating apps. She tried to be productive but ended up back in her bed after a few hours. The only thing that pulled her out of it for a bit was going to see IL's and Levi's new baby. He was very calming and sweet, and it was amazing, but the next day she was back to being cranky.
It would all pass, but for now she had nothing to look forward to.
