Thursday, January 18, 2018

Closed Heart, Open Mouth

She looked down the bar and didn't see him.  She turned around and saw him, almost panicked, coming around the opposite corner.  He must have seen her come in through the giant windows.

He looked the same, but different.  Sort of beaten down.  His hair was shorter, darker somehow.  He seemed happy to see her, but at the same time reserved.  He must have known, instinctively, what was coming from her.  She wasn't about to hold back.

Looking back on the conversation, she was shocked how on the same wavelength they were.  She spoke, and he understood.  She was a little harder on him, the fear of losing him over.  He took it in stride, and accepted her criticism.

After breaking it off with her, he left for his job.  Three weeks later he realized he hated the job.  It had turned out to be the sales job he didn't want, and they hadn't told him until he had moved and started training.  In a bind, he decided to sleep on his friends couch for the next 6 months.  "Most of 2017 just...sucked." He admitted.

She had to agree.  She told him about her new rule of getting an STD test before having sex with someone again, and how it had successfully kept her celebate for all of 2017 and where she had gotten so far with 2018.

"But, I don't understand...they are so easy to get."

"Yeah, well I guess I'm not special enough for anybody."

He took a deep breath and she waited for him to tell her what she already figured had happened.  He had been in a relationship for the past six months.  They were living together, and his dog was staying about 45 minutes away with his dad.  She was shocked at what passed for his excuses to the situation.  He clearly didn't love her, and living with her was situational.  He said he felt like a dick about it, and she didn't let him off the hook.  She told him that the most hurtful part of their relationship was the way he gave up, the way he was what he was doing cowardly.

"You should feel like a dick.  You are just doing to her what you did to me but on a grander scale.  If you don't want to be with her--"

"I don't have the money to move out, all I have is a part time job right now."

"So get another part time job, Piz.  Don't do this to another girl.  I know you know better and ARE better than this."

They talked about how their timing had been off in the relationship, and he admitted he doesn't see himself with anyone long term.  He also said twice that you can't really tell the future, and maybe someday they would find each other romantically again. 

She looked at him, thought to call him on the lie, the leading on...but decided not to.

He said she looked really good, very pretty.  He said she had made an amazing life for herself, and he was jealous, but also very proud.  She told him he just needed to work a little harder and things would look up for him.  He had decided he wanted to get his Masters and teach.  She was happy his life had gotten a little more direction.

They parted as friends, and she felt, finally, she was at peace.  Her heart finally had a clean slate.

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