"That sounds like a toxic living situation for the both of you." IL said. "Mama, you ain't kidding" She replied.
After 24 hours she had finally calmed down and started to think rationally. KSL didn't set out to have a tryst deliberately to spite her when she was grieving. But she did obviously feel slighted, and she needed to explore that.
She had been pushed to yet another brink. Why? What was missing that was causing her to be so emotional about this?
She took stock of how she felt. She was stretched thin, she felt it. After some thought she realized it was because she gave too much of herself without any sign that it made any difference.
She didn't get enough sleep because she stayed up watching movies with KSL, and then had to get up an hour earlier to drop him off from work. He wasn't making enough money so she was not requiring him to do the things he'd normally do, like pay for every other tank of gas. Her car was showing the wear and tear of 9 months of driving across town multiple times a day. She knew soon it would get expensive and time consuming and she didn't have enough money to get a down payment or have a car payment again.
She was stressed. She was putting herself, her health, at risk for things that he was just taking for granted, and wouldn't even miss if they were gone.
So then why was she doing it? She swore she'd never again keep setting herself on fire just to keep someone warm. It was bullshit.
"I'm sorry that I came at you the way that I did," she started. "I realized that the reason I reacted was somethings that I needed to change, so I'm going to tell you about them."
"I've set an alarm on my phone for 10:15. When it goes off we need to wrap up whatever we are doing and I need alone time."
Later she had told him she could no longer drive him to work after the second week in March. The new office that he could walk to should have been ready at the beginning of March, so 2 weeks longer seemed more than fair. She knew she'd become angry and resentful after that point in time.
She could only change her, and her reaction to things. It was time to take control of that.
