Friday, September 7, 2018


Goldie was asking if she was still driving KSL to work.  She said yes, and explained about the two cars back and the payments he was still making.

Goldie was already a few drinks in and asked if she could text him, as if she could "fix" the situation.  She told her to go ahead.  Goldie started texting away on her phone, and she dug back into her crab legs.  Most of the conversation just came back around to who was doing the best on getting their crab all out in one go.

She shared her "perfectly casual" encounter with Nameless, and Goldie was super-proud that she was able to get to that point.  Of course she wanted to know why it wouldn't work out forever, and she explained the distance, the feeling that she just knew that it was never going to be "love" in the strictest sense of the word.  Affection, trust, respect, for sure...but not love.  Because the respect was there, she was perfectly happy with how everything turned out.

Maybe she was so happy with it because she knew that for the most part that might be all she could ask for when it came to men, to "relationships."

"Not to Rodney Dangerfield all over it, but I feel like no one gives me the respect I give everyone else.  KSL doesn't respect me."

"KSL loves you." Goldie retorted.

She rolled her eyes before responding "Yeah, okay sure...but he doesn't respect me."

Goldie still didn't get her point.  "He's very respectful.  I had to literally straddled him for that show every night and draw a scar on his face, and he never once made a move or a comment about anything sexual."

"Of course, because he respects you. He would never make a move on you."  She told Goldie.

"Yeah plus I'm married and not desirable"

Again she rolled her eyes.  Goldie was gorgeous and totally missing her point.  She changed the subject and they were back to talking about film festivals and dog sitting.

Still, being respected and being desired seemed to be mutually exclusive.  She couldn't expect love on top of it, it was a Venn diagram that never intersected...basically 3 circles.  She tried, for weeks, to shake it off.  Forget it, get it to stop getting her down.

It didn't work.

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