The day of BFF's wedding had finally come.
She had been dreading it for weeks. If this wedding had come even a year later, she most likely would not have been invited. They were in a weird place where BFF most likely thought that she had to invite her, and she thought she had to come. Neither of them were adult enough to just admit that and not make it awkward for everyone involved.
JJ was supposed to be her date, but he bailed at the last minute, much like he had with being a moving buddy. KSL had turned his nose up at being a "plus one" and Mel had to work and would have only been able to duck in and out for the ceremony.
She decided to take her mother, which everyone else saw as sweet but she saw as pathetic. Dealing with the bad driving all the way up the mountain to the wedding site was whiplash worthy, and she relinquished control only when realizing she was going to have to parallel park.
The ceremony was sweet, but she still had this weird feeling that she shouldn't have been there at all. Just being a regular guest hurt her heart. She hadn't been asked to help or contribute, but it seems that SD seemed to be running the whole wedding. They had been friends for a long time, sure, but it started to really sink in as the night wore on that she'd lost her best friend and been invited to the wedding.
Not that BFF's groom was bad, in fact she had come to like him far more than BFF. She really enjoyed that he was supportive of everyone around him, and had a dark snarky quality that they shared.
Everyone was taking the mic and doing toasts, and she suddenly had the urge to go up there. She got emotional and knew there was no way she was going to be able to hold it together, so she held off.
Just before she left she approached them and told them she wasn't a people person, so she was going to toast them face to face now.
"When BFF and I first met, it was because she was a mutual friend of someone else's and I needed to check her out because I wanted to make sure she was good enough for him. Then we met and I told her she wasn't good enough for him. Then you came along, and I had to check to make sure you were good enough for her. And you are."
She got choked up, hugged them both, and left without saying goodbye to anyone.
Showing posts with label BFF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BFF. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Monday, December 25, 2017
Playing Catch Up
It had been one hell of a December. Before she even realized what was happening, it was the middle of the month and she had been working 15 days straight, and would continue to the end of the month.
Now that she was at the end, everything was a blur. The end of the last month had been tumultuous between her and KSL, but by the end of December it seemed to have leveled out again. She sincerely hoped to stay there for awhile. More and more she felt like she was just running out of friends, even though she still felt like she couldn't really trust him as much as she wanted to.
Being at Goldie's play was difficult because she was literally running over from work, running herself ragged, only to find that the BFF had made sure that other people were doing her job. BFF made sure she wasn't available to contribute to the director gift from the cast. One night she didn't even show up, only texting Goldie to give her a head's up. No one missed her.
It was funny. BFF was the one who introduced her to the Five Love Languages, and she went out of her way to take away her main love language; Acts of Service. She felt absolutely helpless. She recalled a conversation she and KSL had during one of their drives, where she told him she never felt like he needed her for anything. Nothing to contribute=nothing to love.
She might as well become an actor with how low her self worth was. Really she was just very, very tired. She was fast becoming too tired to care.
On a date with Mel, she was trying to get him to open up with her, to confide in her. They had been dating 6 months, and it had stayed really casual, with bursts of emotional intimacy. He was a really sweet guy, but she was fast feeling like a burden to him. She was not used to someone taking her out, paying for drinks and dinner, having dinner dates...but no sex, and no confiding from him. She, again, felt like she wasn't pulling her weight, wasn't needed by him.
A friend of his died, and she offered to go to the funeral. He said she didn't need to, and she addressed why he wasn't letting her in. "I'm a mess...you deserve better than that. It's a testament to how much I like you that I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you."
It hurt. It cut through all the numb she was feeling. On one hand, it was nice that he thought so highly of her that he didn't want to subject her to his shit show. On the other, it was a rejection. It hurt. And the only difference between him and her Ex was that Mel understood what he was doing and wasn't going to take advantage of her kindness.
It still hurt. How did she keep getting into these faux-lationships? If he never wanted a serious relationship with her ever...then what were they even doing? MG said she was doing "relationship" not with a lower case or capital R, but with a cursive R. At least without the sex part it was easy for her to not get her heart completely broken. Again.
Now that she was at the end, everything was a blur. The end of the last month had been tumultuous between her and KSL, but by the end of December it seemed to have leveled out again. She sincerely hoped to stay there for awhile. More and more she felt like she was just running out of friends, even though she still felt like she couldn't really trust him as much as she wanted to.
Being at Goldie's play was difficult because she was literally running over from work, running herself ragged, only to find that the BFF had made sure that other people were doing her job. BFF made sure she wasn't available to contribute to the director gift from the cast. One night she didn't even show up, only texting Goldie to give her a head's up. No one missed her.
It was funny. BFF was the one who introduced her to the Five Love Languages, and she went out of her way to take away her main love language; Acts of Service. She felt absolutely helpless. She recalled a conversation she and KSL had during one of their drives, where she told him she never felt like he needed her for anything. Nothing to contribute=nothing to love.
She might as well become an actor with how low her self worth was. Really she was just very, very tired. She was fast becoming too tired to care.
On a date with Mel, she was trying to get him to open up with her, to confide in her. They had been dating 6 months, and it had stayed really casual, with bursts of emotional intimacy. He was a really sweet guy, but she was fast feeling like a burden to him. She was not used to someone taking her out, paying for drinks and dinner, having dinner dates...but no sex, and no confiding from him. She, again, felt like she wasn't pulling her weight, wasn't needed by him.
A friend of his died, and she offered to go to the funeral. He said she didn't need to, and she addressed why he wasn't letting her in. "I'm a mess...you deserve better than that. It's a testament to how much I like you that I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you."
It hurt. It cut through all the numb she was feeling. On one hand, it was nice that he thought so highly of her that he didn't want to subject her to his shit show. On the other, it was a rejection. It hurt. And the only difference between him and her Ex was that Mel understood what he was doing and wasn't going to take advantage of her kindness.
It still hurt. How did she keep getting into these faux-lationships? If he never wanted a serious relationship with her ever...then what were they even doing? MG said she was doing "relationship" not with a lower case or capital R, but with a cursive R. At least without the sex part it was easy for her to not get her heart completely broken. Again.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Harmless Fun Part 1
She was overthinking again, ruining a nice thing. Really she was just nervous about getting to the point where she needed to sleep with Nameless. She wanted to sleep with him. She was just scared...scared he wasn't feeling that this was anything more than a fling. Not being able to see him very frequently gave her far too much time to think.
She went to volunteer for a show and her friend Rey bought her a drink. The show was sold out, so instead of staying to watch it, she, AB, BFF, and Rey went out to eat. Half a sandwich and another drink later, and they walked across the street to a bar. 3 drinks after that, she had texted her friend JJ to come join them, saying "There's a 90% chance I'll make out with you." knowing it would be an innocent "Disney Friends With Benefits" situation.
She was still full of hormones from the night before, and she impulsively texted Nameless "I'm so drunk right now. I wish you were in town." At noon the next day he would text back "Drunk texting...how cute"
While she was having a good time she looked across the bar...and saw KSL's ex. The one he had left when they were first together. She was drunk and running on pure emotions, and she was totally irritated that his ex was again crashing the same bar she was in. For some reason she blamed KSL, and texted him as such. It led to yet another back and forth between them where she told him that he no longer had any use for her because she was no longer weak, and he preyed on the weak.
A couple of other mutual friends joined up with them, and decided to move onto the next bar.
She went to volunteer for a show and her friend Rey bought her a drink. The show was sold out, so instead of staying to watch it, she, AB, BFF, and Rey went out to eat. Half a sandwich and another drink later, and they walked across the street to a bar. 3 drinks after that, she had texted her friend JJ to come join them, saying "There's a 90% chance I'll make out with you." knowing it would be an innocent "Disney Friends With Benefits" situation.
She was still full of hormones from the night before, and she impulsively texted Nameless "I'm so drunk right now. I wish you were in town." At noon the next day he would text back "Drunk texting...how cute"
While she was having a good time she looked across the bar...and saw KSL's ex. The one he had left when they were first together. She was drunk and running on pure emotions, and she was totally irritated that his ex was again crashing the same bar she was in. For some reason she blamed KSL, and texted him as such. It led to yet another back and forth between them where she told him that he no longer had any use for her because she was no longer weak, and he preyed on the weak.
A couple of other mutual friends joined up with them, and decided to move onto the next bar.
Monday, June 26, 2017
How to Save a Friendship
"You can either love it and live with it, hate it and live with it, or leave it." BFF said. She had reached out to her and they had an afternoon together, mending their limping relationship. BFF had started seeing a therapist who had drilled that platitude into her existence. She wondered if, eventually, BFF was going to say that she was "leaving it" with their friendship. When they left each other, it seemed better.
Her childhood best friend, Unicorn, had been going through a hard time, so she reached out to her and met up at her house on the other side of town.
Unicorn opened the door and she was shocked at her friend's appearance. She had gained at least 50 pounds since she'd seen her last. Her heart went out to her, she was clearly going through a rough time.
After hearing what Unicorn had gone through, she shared her story of the last year. Unicorn was super supportive and non-judging. Unicorn understood her to the core, and she was beyond glad to have her back in her life.
They exorcised their demons with each other, and it was like nothing terrible had ever happened between them. They picked up like it was the 6th grade again, although their stories of their lives had...escalated.
She mentioned all of her misadventures in dating. Unicorn asked her why she felt compelled to date at all, stating if she ever split from her husband, she'd never date again. She told her that she had already essentially been alone for her whole life, and she felt like it was her time.
"So...it seems you are getting the life you always wanted in high school!"
She started laughing intensely. Unicorn was right, of course. In high school she had never dated anyone but always longed to have a high school relationship. She'd had a small taste of it prom night...before her prom date told her that he had found a girlfriend in-between asking her to prom and the actual night of prom.
She guessed it was just her time.
Her childhood best friend, Unicorn, had been going through a hard time, so she reached out to her and met up at her house on the other side of town.
Unicorn opened the door and she was shocked at her friend's appearance. She had gained at least 50 pounds since she'd seen her last. Her heart went out to her, she was clearly going through a rough time.
After hearing what Unicorn had gone through, she shared her story of the last year. Unicorn was super supportive and non-judging. Unicorn understood her to the core, and she was beyond glad to have her back in her life.
They exorcised their demons with each other, and it was like nothing terrible had ever happened between them. They picked up like it was the 6th grade again, although their stories of their lives had...escalated.
She mentioned all of her misadventures in dating. Unicorn asked her why she felt compelled to date at all, stating if she ever split from her husband, she'd never date again. She told her that she had already essentially been alone for her whole life, and she felt like it was her time.
"So...it seems you are getting the life you always wanted in high school!"
She started laughing intensely. Unicorn was right, of course. In high school she had never dated anyone but always longed to have a high school relationship. She'd had a small taste of it prom night...before her prom date told her that he had found a girlfriend in-between asking her to prom and the actual night of prom.
She guessed it was just her time.
Friday, June 16, 2017
Thinly Veiled Symbolism
MG had talked at her all night, and she was tired. Tired of her opinions about how her and KSL were exactly like her and her ex were. She harped and harped on the fact that they were a dumpster fire just waiting to blow up. Even though they hadn't had sex in 6 months. MG drudged up all the emotions that she had so carefully put away.
She was distraught.
Her ex had done something terrible. Naturally, since they were still married that also had gotten her in trouble.
They needed to run.
She couldn't recall how, but they ended up splitting up in order to confuse the police, and she was stuck sleeping on the floor in someone's house she didn't recognize with a bunch of other friends.
"Okay everyone, make sure to keep her away from KSL!" BFF shouted loudly. She felt her face turn scarlet. She grew even more embarrassed as everyone followed instructions and started to smoosh her down so that she just gave up and went to an opposite corner of the room.
But in the middle of the night, she got up and snuggled up to KSL. She realized she did this just to spite everyone, and not because she had any romantic affection for him. She just wanted to be defiant.
She forgot she could do that. She had gone so long without having a good night's sleep, having solid REM sleep. She had completely forgotten that when other people drink, or smoke, as an outlet...she had dreamt to deal.
But she hadn't been able to do that in a long time. She had forgotten that she was able to do it, it had honestly been that long.
She wondered how many questionable decisions she'd made without having that outlet. Maybe she had been making horrible mistakes for years.
As she walked along the river to work, she couldn't even pretend to be angry or upset about it, because it had come back. She was elated. She had an emotion, dreamt her thinly veiled symbolic dream, and emerged with a greater understanding of herself. She had found herself again.
She smiled at the rushing river, the people walking their adorable dogs, even the pesky religious folk that tried to talk to her every day. The day was beautiful, she was on her own, and she was going to be okay.
She was distraught.
***
Her ex had done something terrible. Naturally, since they were still married that also had gotten her in trouble.
They needed to run.
She couldn't recall how, but they ended up splitting up in order to confuse the police, and she was stuck sleeping on the floor in someone's house she didn't recognize with a bunch of other friends.
"Okay everyone, make sure to keep her away from KSL!" BFF shouted loudly. She felt her face turn scarlet. She grew even more embarrassed as everyone followed instructions and started to smoosh her down so that she just gave up and went to an opposite corner of the room.
But in the middle of the night, she got up and snuggled up to KSL. She realized she did this just to spite everyone, and not because she had any romantic affection for him. She just wanted to be defiant.
***
She woke from the dream with an icky feeling of her thinly veiled emotions. Her dream had brought a lot to light. Then she realized...she had a dream. She had a fully formed, "working it out" dream. She felt like she had dealt with her emotions in the dream, and she woke up feeling completely resolved from them.She forgot she could do that. She had gone so long without having a good night's sleep, having solid REM sleep. She had completely forgotten that when other people drink, or smoke, as an outlet...she had dreamt to deal.
But she hadn't been able to do that in a long time. She had forgotten that she was able to do it, it had honestly been that long.
She wondered how many questionable decisions she'd made without having that outlet. Maybe she had been making horrible mistakes for years.
As she walked along the river to work, she couldn't even pretend to be angry or upset about it, because it had come back. She was elated. She had an emotion, dreamt her thinly veiled symbolic dream, and emerged with a greater understanding of herself. She had found herself again.
She smiled at the rushing river, the people walking their adorable dogs, even the pesky religious folk that tried to talk to her every day. The day was beautiful, she was on her own, and she was going to be okay.
Monday, June 12, 2017
Dismantle the Space
The day after the Improv show they all came together to take down everything that had built up from years in the theatre space. Everyone threw themselves right into the work in order to avoid any emotion. The troupe trickled in through the hour, as punctuality had never been their strong suite.
She and IL had bonded over a trip to the capitol for coffee, and now everyone was in full on "what do we do?" mode. At one point IL sent her and Levi to their house about a mile away to pick up and drop off a load.
He was mostly quiet in the car, and she immediately became worried about how if they had nothing to talk about now, how badly the future date would be.
"Thanks for letting me kidnap your wife for some girl time this morning. It was nice, I think we both needed it."
"Both of you are amazing women, you don't deserve to be treated like that."
Awesome. Of course he knew too. How great was this pity date going to be? "Thanks." She left it at that, and thankfully he didn't pursue it. Instead they talked about how grateful they were that many people showed up to help out instead of leaving it all to IL. It was a short drive to the house and they unloaded and he said he'd take his own car back to the space so they would have another vehicle to throw things into.
She stepped back into the space and said "You didn't want him back, did you IL?" with a smile. IL laughed and said "For real, where is he?"
"Waiting in my apartment." They both laughed, and she confirmed he had been behind her with their own car.
They all gathered around near the end and went through all the memory boards for each round of shows that they performed. Because it was Improv and everything lived and died on the stage, it was hard remembering where certain handwritten lines had come from, or even who had said them.
They went to a local diner for food and more company and reminiscing. The conversation, for once, didn't completely surround the troupe and what they had done onstage. She found herself immersed and finally engaging in that much needed conversation she had been missing the last few weeks. They joked, they made plans, everything felt effortless...which almost made it even more sad. Why couldn't it have been like this the whole time?
They took the party from the diner to the bar, with she and SD hitching a ride with Levi in his topless VW Convertible. As she got in the back she realized this is what he would be picking her up in a few days in the future. She hoped it was going to be a night free of precipitation.
She went home and started reading Levi's book so she had something to talk about during the date.
She and IL had bonded over a trip to the capitol for coffee, and now everyone was in full on "what do we do?" mode. At one point IL sent her and Levi to their house about a mile away to pick up and drop off a load.
He was mostly quiet in the car, and she immediately became worried about how if they had nothing to talk about now, how badly the future date would be.
"Thanks for letting me kidnap your wife for some girl time this morning. It was nice, I think we both needed it."
"Both of you are amazing women, you don't deserve to be treated like that."
Awesome. Of course he knew too. How great was this pity date going to be? "Thanks." She left it at that, and thankfully he didn't pursue it. Instead they talked about how grateful they were that many people showed up to help out instead of leaving it all to IL. It was a short drive to the house and they unloaded and he said he'd take his own car back to the space so they would have another vehicle to throw things into.
She stepped back into the space and said "You didn't want him back, did you IL?" with a smile. IL laughed and said "For real, where is he?"
"Waiting in my apartment." They both laughed, and she confirmed he had been behind her with their own car.
They all gathered around near the end and went through all the memory boards for each round of shows that they performed. Because it was Improv and everything lived and died on the stage, it was hard remembering where certain handwritten lines had come from, or even who had said them.
They went to a local diner for food and more company and reminiscing. The conversation, for once, didn't completely surround the troupe and what they had done onstage. She found herself immersed and finally engaging in that much needed conversation she had been missing the last few weeks. They joked, they made plans, everything felt effortless...which almost made it even more sad. Why couldn't it have been like this the whole time?
They took the party from the diner to the bar, with she and SD hitching a ride with Levi in his topless VW Convertible. As she got in the back she realized this is what he would be picking her up in a few days in the future. She hoped it was going to be a night free of precipitation.
She went home and started reading Levi's book so she had something to talk about during the date.
Monday, June 5, 2017
End of an Era
She was more upset than she had any right to be about the last Improv show. She had been with them for so long, and they were her first friends after moving back. She didn't know where she would be without the constant steadfastness of SD, the yoga and inspiration of TM, the endless wisdom of Goldie, and of course the BFF who had introduced them all to her. Even MG, although as of late they hadn't been getting along and things were becoming incredibly strained.
Everyone was separating from the Improv Leader and forming their own group. They had done this in the wrong way, leaving IL hurt and feeling incredibly betrayed. she and IL had spoke a few times about it and IL was in a healthy place, although there were still a lot of hurt feelings that she assumed would remain for quite a while.
She'd cried at least three times that day. She couldn't believe this experience was coming to an end. Her heart hurt for IL, and she felt like a child whose parents split up, but neither one wanted to keep the child. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with her Saturday nights anymore.
With no play to stage manage in the near future, she felt more alone than ever.
Luckily she would be surrounded by friends that night. Banana, and even KSL were coming. Working the front was overwhelming but she made it through and managed to get into a seat beside Dusky, who insisted on saving her a spot. BFF's fiance offered to save her a seat as well, and she was touched. KSL texted her asking if he'd like to save her a seat, but then the seats next to him were taken shortly after he offered. She wasn't sure why he sat by himself instead of with Banana and the people she came with, but she was too preoccupied with dealing with the front to worry about it.
She took her seat for a perfect first half of the show. All the suggestions were perfect, the chemistry was on fire, and for the first time she had a front row seat. She ducked out shortly before intermission to return the money to the cage, then rushed back so she could talk to everyone a little before the second half. KSL seemed a little standoffish and withdrawn, but she learned a long time ago not to poke that bear when she got this feeling about him. Her emotions were already too high, and she assumed he would come to the restaurant with them after the show and she decided she would sit by him then and catch up.
She tried like hell to stay positive through the second half, laugh and live in the moment, and she felt that she honestly succeeded until the end. She didn't completely fall apart, and she was proud of herself.
Afterwards KSL was again a little evasive and said he was going to talk to some of the troupe and congratulate them on the final show. A few minutes later she saw him walk out. She assumed he was going to the bathroom, but he turned the other way. Her heart sank a little.
"Nice Irish goodbye" She texted him.
"Sorry. I suddenly felt very awkward and had to make a hasty exit."
"Weird that you'd feel that way all of a sudden."
"Yeah. It's not like I have an uncontrollable mental affliction that sometimes causes random bursts of anxiety."
"Since when?" She thought to herself. In actuality she answered "Okay well I guess I'll go fuck myself then."
He shot back with venom. "What do you want me to say? 'It's not totally weird and here's why!' Trust me, I wish I could say that. What do you want? An explanation? An apology?"
Tears stung her eyes in the middle of the restaurant. She was surrounded by the troupe and needed to pull herself together before someone noticed. "Nothing" she replied.
"Okay then. Sorry if I upset you. Sorry if you felt slighted."
"Sigh. Just forget about it. Conversation stricken."
The next morning once she got control and a better understanding of her emotions, she realized what she had been feeling. She had an expectation of what was going to happen that night, and it wasn't what happened. She again texted KSL.
"I'm sorry. I reacted as well as I could in the moment. It's just that you've never just left a situation like that before, and coupled with my abandonment issues and the anxiety of the night it didn't mix well. It felt like something was wrong, maybe with us, that I had to fix. I'm sorry."
No answer.
Everyone was separating from the Improv Leader and forming their own group. They had done this in the wrong way, leaving IL hurt and feeling incredibly betrayed. she and IL had spoke a few times about it and IL was in a healthy place, although there were still a lot of hurt feelings that she assumed would remain for quite a while.
She'd cried at least three times that day. She couldn't believe this experience was coming to an end. Her heart hurt for IL, and she felt like a child whose parents split up, but neither one wanted to keep the child. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with her Saturday nights anymore.
With no play to stage manage in the near future, she felt more alone than ever.
Luckily she would be surrounded by friends that night. Banana, and even KSL were coming. Working the front was overwhelming but she made it through and managed to get into a seat beside Dusky, who insisted on saving her a spot. BFF's fiance offered to save her a seat as well, and she was touched. KSL texted her asking if he'd like to save her a seat, but then the seats next to him were taken shortly after he offered. She wasn't sure why he sat by himself instead of with Banana and the people she came with, but she was too preoccupied with dealing with the front to worry about it.
She took her seat for a perfect first half of the show. All the suggestions were perfect, the chemistry was on fire, and for the first time she had a front row seat. She ducked out shortly before intermission to return the money to the cage, then rushed back so she could talk to everyone a little before the second half. KSL seemed a little standoffish and withdrawn, but she learned a long time ago not to poke that bear when she got this feeling about him. Her emotions were already too high, and she assumed he would come to the restaurant with them after the show and she decided she would sit by him then and catch up.
She tried like hell to stay positive through the second half, laugh and live in the moment, and she felt that she honestly succeeded until the end. She didn't completely fall apart, and she was proud of herself.
Afterwards KSL was again a little evasive and said he was going to talk to some of the troupe and congratulate them on the final show. A few minutes later she saw him walk out. She assumed he was going to the bathroom, but he turned the other way. Her heart sank a little.
"Nice Irish goodbye" She texted him.
"Sorry. I suddenly felt very awkward and had to make a hasty exit."
"Weird that you'd feel that way all of a sudden."
"Yeah. It's not like I have an uncontrollable mental affliction that sometimes causes random bursts of anxiety."
"Since when?" She thought to herself. In actuality she answered "Okay well I guess I'll go fuck myself then."
He shot back with venom. "What do you want me to say? 'It's not totally weird and here's why!' Trust me, I wish I could say that. What do you want? An explanation? An apology?"
Tears stung her eyes in the middle of the restaurant. She was surrounded by the troupe and needed to pull herself together before someone noticed. "Nothing" she replied.
"Okay then. Sorry if I upset you. Sorry if you felt slighted."
"Sigh. Just forget about it. Conversation stricken."
The next morning once she got control and a better understanding of her emotions, she realized what she had been feeling. She had an expectation of what was going to happen that night, and it wasn't what happened. She again texted KSL.
"I'm sorry. I reacted as well as I could in the moment. It's just that you've never just left a situation like that before, and coupled with my abandonment issues and the anxiety of the night it didn't mix well. It felt like something was wrong, maybe with us, that I had to fix. I'm sorry."
No answer.
Friday, May 19, 2017
Sleeping Pukey
She had slept for 14 hours the day after her surgery. Her doctor had said if she felt up to it she should get out and do something. She felt after 14 hours she should be up to it, so she agreed to go to see a movie with PJ, BFF, SD and Banana.
The Marvel Superhero movie was funny and great...until the action began. Her eyes weren't adjusting to the lights at all, and everything seemed to get louder and louder.
Her stomach churned. Convulsed. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to throw up. Even with her eyes closed the movie was so bright. She considered getting up. leaving...but knew if she got up she would throw up all over the strangers in her row. She couldn't do that.
So she stuck it out, willfully blocking out the light and sound as best she could.
As they walked out of the movie, she got confused and walked the wrong way to the other side of the theatre with everyone. She tried to sign that she was going to walk home, but PJ saw that she was struggling.
"Dizzy? Nauseous?" He asked, and she nodded. BFF and SD offered to drive her home, as they were next door in the parking garage. Just the idea of going around and around in the garage made her reach out for PJ's shoulder. He said that they would walk back to his truck and he would drive her the rest of the way home.
He made sure she was following closely behind, and reached out for her hand as he crossed the street in front of cars who seemed to have no intention of stopping. He felt her falter back, afraid of getting hit by the oncoming traffic.
He glanced back and smiled at her, "Penny, you know I'm not going to put you in danger. You are okay, come on."
He unlocked his passenger side door, and she reached over to unlock the driver's side of his old truck. He thanked her, and kept her conscious throughout the short drive, talking about things just deep enough to keep her interested but shallow enough that her feeble mind could follow along.
They got to the loading zone of her building, and he hopped out and got the door for her. He hugged her tight and said that if she got too dizzy to be alone to give him a call and he and AB would make up their couch for her and let her stay for a few days.
He was truly an angel sent from heaven to her. She went back upstairs knowing she had a backup plan if she knew it, and she feel asleep despite her narrowly pupil-ed eyes.
The Marvel Superhero movie was funny and great...until the action began. Her eyes weren't adjusting to the lights at all, and everything seemed to get louder and louder.
Her stomach churned. Convulsed. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to throw up. Even with her eyes closed the movie was so bright. She considered getting up. leaving...but knew if she got up she would throw up all over the strangers in her row. She couldn't do that.
So she stuck it out, willfully blocking out the light and sound as best she could.
As they walked out of the movie, she got confused and walked the wrong way to the other side of the theatre with everyone. She tried to sign that she was going to walk home, but PJ saw that she was struggling.
"Dizzy? Nauseous?" He asked, and she nodded. BFF and SD offered to drive her home, as they were next door in the parking garage. Just the idea of going around and around in the garage made her reach out for PJ's shoulder. He said that they would walk back to his truck and he would drive her the rest of the way home.
He made sure she was following closely behind, and reached out for her hand as he crossed the street in front of cars who seemed to have no intention of stopping. He felt her falter back, afraid of getting hit by the oncoming traffic.
He glanced back and smiled at her, "Penny, you know I'm not going to put you in danger. You are okay, come on."
He unlocked his passenger side door, and she reached over to unlock the driver's side of his old truck. He thanked her, and kept her conscious throughout the short drive, talking about things just deep enough to keep her interested but shallow enough that her feeble mind could follow along.
They got to the loading zone of her building, and he hopped out and got the door for her. He hugged her tight and said that if she got too dizzy to be alone to give him a call and he and AB would make up their couch for her and let her stay for a few days.
He was truly an angel sent from heaven to her. She went back upstairs knowing she had a backup plan if she knew it, and she feel asleep despite her narrowly pupil-ed eyes.
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
A Year's Worth of Pent Up Aggression
BFF had decided to come over for a minute, and had to ask what her apartment number was. She sighed and texted it to her. How could she call herself her best friend and still not know where she lived after a year?
If there was anything BFF did well, it was make herself the victim. That's what she proceeded to do for 3 hours. It was the most time she'd ever spent at her apartment.
Amongst all their drama, the Improv troupe was breaking up. Mostly just with the Troupe leader, but either way it made for some awkward drama.
At the end of the conversation, BFF was trying to play the victim...and it was time that she didn't get away with it.
She told her how much it had hurt her. How she had lost her husband and her best friend all in the same year. She had just disappeared.
"It just seemed like you had people, you didn't need me." BFF said, tears in her eyes.
"I didn't have any other choice did I? You left me no other choice."
The conversation kept spiraling around issues, things that happened a year ago until just a few short weeks ago.
In the end, BFF thought that things had ended up strained by on a right path.
The next morning, she woke up furious and angry with how everything had gone. Their friendship was essentially over.
If there was anything BFF did well, it was make herself the victim. That's what she proceeded to do for 3 hours. It was the most time she'd ever spent at her apartment.
Amongst all their drama, the Improv troupe was breaking up. Mostly just with the Troupe leader, but either way it made for some awkward drama.
At the end of the conversation, BFF was trying to play the victim...and it was time that she didn't get away with it.
She told her how much it had hurt her. How she had lost her husband and her best friend all in the same year. She had just disappeared.
"It just seemed like you had people, you didn't need me." BFF said, tears in her eyes.
"I didn't have any other choice did I? You left me no other choice."
The conversation kept spiraling around issues, things that happened a year ago until just a few short weeks ago.
In the end, BFF thought that things had ended up strained by on a right path.
The next morning, she woke up furious and angry with how everything had gone. Their friendship was essentially over.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
When it Rains, it Floods
The river was rising fast. Rocks she could see that morning were now being covered by the ever increasing current. She was afraid to go and afraid to stay in her building...so she took the coward's way out and stayed. Up on the higher floors she might be trapped, but nothing would be damaged.
The city was in chaos, everyone coming down to the river to watch it rush by, throwing pictures up on social media at alarming rates. KSL had a rehearsal down by the river, and did some live video right at the base of her apartment...but he never texted her or offered to let her stay with him. In fact, only PJ had made an offer for her to stay. Not even BFF had offered her spare room.
She was feeling despondent. Her job was in serious jeopardy, she could be laid off any day now. She had her tonsillectomy scheduled for February, and she just hoped that her health insurance would hold out until then. She was applying everywhere and getting nothing back.
She remembered a saying about how there are only three things in life that make up happiness: Career, Love, and Health...and you could never have all three at the same time. One was always missing.
This time, she felt all three were missing.
She had gone on three dates, and all had deleted their profiles after dating her. What was wrong with them? What was wrong with her?
Right before she had gotten serious with Piz, she went on a single date with a guy she hit it off with right away. She had taken to calling him The Pilot, since he owned his own planes and worked with drones. They went out for AYCE sushi and hit it off right away, as friends. He had sort of fallen off the face of the earth until texting her a Happy New Year, and the conversation had continued from there.
She asked him if their date had been bad, or if there was something that she was doing wrong. He told her no, that he had a great time and she was one of the most normal, yet not boring people he's ever been out with. And he had gone on a lot of bad dates.
It made her feel a little better, as she stood on the balcony and watched them clear the debris from under the bridge as the flood raged on. Goldie did a live stream and she and Super Director provided some commentary.
In the end, nothing close to them got to the point of flooding, and all was okay. She still went to bed wishing something would go right for her.
The city was in chaos, everyone coming down to the river to watch it rush by, throwing pictures up on social media at alarming rates. KSL had a rehearsal down by the river, and did some live video right at the base of her apartment...but he never texted her or offered to let her stay with him. In fact, only PJ had made an offer for her to stay. Not even BFF had offered her spare room.
She was feeling despondent. Her job was in serious jeopardy, she could be laid off any day now. She had her tonsillectomy scheduled for February, and she just hoped that her health insurance would hold out until then. She was applying everywhere and getting nothing back.
She remembered a saying about how there are only three things in life that make up happiness: Career, Love, and Health...and you could never have all three at the same time. One was always missing.
This time, she felt all three were missing.
She had gone on three dates, and all had deleted their profiles after dating her. What was wrong with them? What was wrong with her?
Right before she had gotten serious with Piz, she went on a single date with a guy she hit it off with right away. She had taken to calling him The Pilot, since he owned his own planes and worked with drones. They went out for AYCE sushi and hit it off right away, as friends. He had sort of fallen off the face of the earth until texting her a Happy New Year, and the conversation had continued from there.
She asked him if their date had been bad, or if there was something that she was doing wrong. He told her no, that he had a great time and she was one of the most normal, yet not boring people he's ever been out with. And he had gone on a lot of bad dates.
It made her feel a little better, as she stood on the balcony and watched them clear the debris from under the bridge as the flood raged on. Goldie did a live stream and she and Super Director provided some commentary.
In the end, nothing close to them got to the point of flooding, and all was okay. She still went to bed wishing something would go right for her.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Christmas Spirit Animal
"Acrobat said he had a Christmas present for me and wanted to bring it over. It was a print of what he thought my 'spirit animal' should be." Banana said.
"So, what was it?" She asked.
"A wolverine."
To be fair, Banana had broken Acrobat's heart. After only a month of dating she got sick of him. She broke up with him, and he was devastated by it. She had talked to him one night, and his thoughts of being able to just be tossed aside mirrored her feelings of being left by Piz. Acrobat had clammed up hard after a few minutes of talking however, and they hadn't really spoken since.
She sent him a basic "Merry Christmas" text, and he returned the favor and asked what she was doing that day. "I have something to drop off to you. Just a small Christmas gift."
She texted Banana and Melody. "It's like a real life Buzzfeed quiz. I wonder what spirit animal I'll get."
Acrobat knocked on her door later, he had been across the hall having Christmas dinner with his brother-in-law. He gave her a hug and presented her the art with a devious smile.
"I just went through and thought of everyone and picked one out for my closest friends."
"We're friends? I can't even get you to go out for a drink with me!"
"Just look at it."
It was an adorable little sketch, and under it the words "Penny the Porcupine"
Prickly. A Rodent. Quills on the outside that shoot at anything that comes near them. Who would ever love a porcupine?
"You sure know how to be heavy handed with your commentary Acrobat."
She could barely keep it together and seem grateful, putting it up next to his modeling picture on the wall. Not more than a few minutes after he left, BFF came over to gloat over her new ring. She wouldn't shut up about how many people already wanted to help her and how overwhelming it all was. Her being stressed out over something that should be really happy for her only made the situation even more depressing.
She finally left, and her studio was her own again. Suddenly the emptiness of it made her feel hollow. Like a quill from a porcupine.
Her phone rang, it was MG asking how her Christmas had gone. She thought of the radio silence from KSL, the two dates she had that deleted their profiles after going on a date with her, and her new Spirit Animal. It was all coming to a head.
"Apparently I'm a porcupine; a prickly personality who no one will ever love. Hopeless."
"I'm coming over with some wine."
"So, what was it?" She asked.
"A wolverine."
To be fair, Banana had broken Acrobat's heart. After only a month of dating she got sick of him. She broke up with him, and he was devastated by it. She had talked to him one night, and his thoughts of being able to just be tossed aside mirrored her feelings of being left by Piz. Acrobat had clammed up hard after a few minutes of talking however, and they hadn't really spoken since.
She sent him a basic "Merry Christmas" text, and he returned the favor and asked what she was doing that day. "I have something to drop off to you. Just a small Christmas gift."
She texted Banana and Melody. "It's like a real life Buzzfeed quiz. I wonder what spirit animal I'll get."
Acrobat knocked on her door later, he had been across the hall having Christmas dinner with his brother-in-law. He gave her a hug and presented her the art with a devious smile.
"I just went through and thought of everyone and picked one out for my closest friends."
"We're friends? I can't even get you to go out for a drink with me!"
"Just look at it."
It was an adorable little sketch, and under it the words "Penny the Porcupine"
Prickly. A Rodent. Quills on the outside that shoot at anything that comes near them. Who would ever love a porcupine?
"You sure know how to be heavy handed with your commentary Acrobat."
She could barely keep it together and seem grateful, putting it up next to his modeling picture on the wall. Not more than a few minutes after he left, BFF came over to gloat over her new ring. She wouldn't shut up about how many people already wanted to help her and how overwhelming it all was. Her being stressed out over something that should be really happy for her only made the situation even more depressing.
She finally left, and her studio was her own again. Suddenly the emptiness of it made her feel hollow. Like a quill from a porcupine.
Her phone rang, it was MG asking how her Christmas had gone. She thought of the radio silence from KSL, the two dates she had that deleted their profiles after going on a date with her, and her new Spirit Animal. It was all coming to a head.
"Apparently I'm a porcupine; a prickly personality who no one will ever love. Hopeless."
"I'm coming over with some wine."
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
Desperately Seeking Validation
She had a chocolate bar in her fridge for weeks, left behind from a KSL trip to the capitol for coffee. She didn't feel like eating it. It struck her as very unusual that she didn't want chocolate.
The feeling was desolation. She had no romantic prospects and woke up thinking about Piz every night, in the middle of the night. She would cuddle with the pillow he used to get back to sleep. She still couldn't figure out if she missed him, or the idea of him.
She couldn't figure out what kept drawing her to online dating. She didn't find anything great last time, why try again? She asked BFF which escalated into a fight that she shot down everything that BFF suggested that she do. She was just trying to have a conversation, and there were so many other things she was angry at her about that she just gave up instead of fight.
This wasn't like her. This was another, deeper level of depression. She didn't even want to drink.
She had decided to spend time with her mom earlier in the week. Her mom had asked her, several times, if it was really over between her and her ex.
"Mom...do you think that's what I deserve? Do you think I deserve to stay with a man who doesn't love me? You think I'm making a mistake?" She had to ask this several times before demanding a yes or no answer.
"Well, I mean, I guess no." She finally answered.
She told KSL about it later. "I just kinda need someone, but my mom especially, to be adamant about my worth. I let this happen for a really long time because I thought I didn't deserve better. And I waffle on that everyday, thinking I'm not good enough. And it's just so easy to slip. So easy to go from being okay with myself and being confident to thinking; if my mom doesn't think I'm good enough, why am I using up all this air?"
He messaged back "Stahp. You are worthy. You deserve love. You are right to want someone who wants you. Truly."
It made her feel a little better, but she was still just sort of devoid of emotion. She got a surprise call from PJ on her way to rehearsal and gave him a lowdown of the feelings, and also added that she had decided to go for online dating again. After a few hours of being back she had a message from a guy she was talking to previously, and a guy wanting to pay her to talk about farts. It was just freaking fantastic to be back.
"I don't even understand why I'm doing it. Validation I guess, like I need someone to pay attention to me, which is lame and silly. I just feel like I'm so much better than this, I deserve better."
PJ was quick to respond, "Hey, it's me you're talking to, you don't need to make excuses for your feelings. It's funny, I feel that way about work sometimes, that I shouldn't be working at a warehouse, I'm smarter than all of it. And maybe that's it for you, maybe because you aren't getting the validation you need at work or have a significant other to turn to, it just ups the lonely factor. I don't think you are doing anything wrong."
That almost brought her out of her malaise.
The feeling was desolation. She had no romantic prospects and woke up thinking about Piz every night, in the middle of the night. She would cuddle with the pillow he used to get back to sleep. She still couldn't figure out if she missed him, or the idea of him.
She couldn't figure out what kept drawing her to online dating. She didn't find anything great last time, why try again? She asked BFF which escalated into a fight that she shot down everything that BFF suggested that she do. She was just trying to have a conversation, and there were so many other things she was angry at her about that she just gave up instead of fight.
This wasn't like her. This was another, deeper level of depression. She didn't even want to drink.
She had decided to spend time with her mom earlier in the week. Her mom had asked her, several times, if it was really over between her and her ex.
"Mom...do you think that's what I deserve? Do you think I deserve to stay with a man who doesn't love me? You think I'm making a mistake?" She had to ask this several times before demanding a yes or no answer.
"Well, I mean, I guess no." She finally answered.
She told KSL about it later. "I just kinda need someone, but my mom especially, to be adamant about my worth. I let this happen for a really long time because I thought I didn't deserve better. And I waffle on that everyday, thinking I'm not good enough. And it's just so easy to slip. So easy to go from being okay with myself and being confident to thinking; if my mom doesn't think I'm good enough, why am I using up all this air?"
He messaged back "Stahp. You are worthy. You deserve love. You are right to want someone who wants you. Truly."
It made her feel a little better, but she was still just sort of devoid of emotion. She got a surprise call from PJ on her way to rehearsal and gave him a lowdown of the feelings, and also added that she had decided to go for online dating again. After a few hours of being back she had a message from a guy she was talking to previously, and a guy wanting to pay her to talk about farts. It was just freaking fantastic to be back.
"I don't even understand why I'm doing it. Validation I guess, like I need someone to pay attention to me, which is lame and silly. I just feel like I'm so much better than this, I deserve better."
PJ was quick to respond, "Hey, it's me you're talking to, you don't need to make excuses for your feelings. It's funny, I feel that way about work sometimes, that I shouldn't be working at a warehouse, I'm smarter than all of it. And maybe that's it for you, maybe because you aren't getting the validation you need at work or have a significant other to turn to, it just ups the lonely factor. I don't think you are doing anything wrong."
That almost brought her out of her malaise.
Monday, October 10, 2016
Yes And...
"Ready to meet the troupe?" She asked. She felt she had adequately prepared him for the ego-show that was her funny group of Improvers.
He was ready.
They got a vodka red bull to enjoy the show with, and laughed about how terrible their drink choices were. It was a party drink, but they had zero plans to party.
During the show he laughed out loud more times than she'd ever seen him laugh. It was hard to tell with his ultra introvert status, but he did really seem to like it. He said SD was fantastic, and it really was a marvel she was great at all considering that her brother had died the week before. The funeral was next week, and she knew she had to go but was dreading it.
She became nervous when he finally met BFF and Goldie for a minute after the show. Both of them were great and engaging with him. She asked BFF why her boyfriend wasn't there.
"Well," BFF began, "He told me that he wasn't really feeling that great and so he wasn't coming to the show tonight, and I was upset...but then he took me out for sushi so it's fine now."
She laughed and turned to Piz and said "For future reference, if you ever need to tell me something horrible, it won't be that bad if you take me out for sushi afterwards. Literally almost anything can be made better with a sushi meal."
He really stood on his own, and they talked as they were the only ones at their table. The subject of a hot springs weekend trip was made up, and they looked up the place on her phone to check it out.
"They have regular rooms and they have dorm style rooms with other people!" She said in horror.
He deadpanned "I get top bunk."
They laughed and she said they might both get top bunk if the place was all booked up. They looked at the site a little more before deciding the place was out of their budget, even if they did take the bunk beds. Another dream laid to rest. She was beginning to think that they would never actually get a weekend away.
They went back to her studio and had another round of marathon sex.
He was ready.
They got a vodka red bull to enjoy the show with, and laughed about how terrible their drink choices were. It was a party drink, but they had zero plans to party.
During the show he laughed out loud more times than she'd ever seen him laugh. It was hard to tell with his ultra introvert status, but he did really seem to like it. He said SD was fantastic, and it really was a marvel she was great at all considering that her brother had died the week before. The funeral was next week, and she knew she had to go but was dreading it.
She became nervous when he finally met BFF and Goldie for a minute after the show. Both of them were great and engaging with him. She asked BFF why her boyfriend wasn't there.
"Well," BFF began, "He told me that he wasn't really feeling that great and so he wasn't coming to the show tonight, and I was upset...but then he took me out for sushi so it's fine now."
She laughed and turned to Piz and said "For future reference, if you ever need to tell me something horrible, it won't be that bad if you take me out for sushi afterwards. Literally almost anything can be made better with a sushi meal."
He really stood on his own, and they talked as they were the only ones at their table. The subject of a hot springs weekend trip was made up, and they looked up the place on her phone to check it out.
"They have regular rooms and they have dorm style rooms with other people!" She said in horror.
He deadpanned "I get top bunk."
They laughed and she said they might both get top bunk if the place was all booked up. They looked at the site a little more before deciding the place was out of their budget, even if they did take the bunk beds. Another dream laid to rest. She was beginning to think that they would never actually get a weekend away.
They went back to her studio and had another round of marathon sex.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
The Hurt of Others
Goldie started crying at the birthday party. "I want to go home."
She had just gotten off the phone with SD, who was in shock. Her brother had a seizure that morning, and never came out of it. She was close with her whole family, especially after her mother's death just a few years ago. SD had never properly dealt with the emotion from her mother's death, and she felt overcome with emotion for SD. She couldn't deal with this again...she wasn't strong enough. This wasn't fair.
They left and were quiet most of the way home, only really saying "poor SD" and commenting how awful this was.
She got back into her apartment and stood for awhile, not sure what to do with herself. She sat on the couch and watched the sun set until she was sitting in the dark. She felt terrible. She needed to do something.
She left for the store. She would at least get her a card and some flowers.
Her BFF called her as she got to the store. She and SD had lived together, and SD's brother had been like BFF's own. She was nearly inconsolable. Everyone was in so much pain over this.
She picked up a card, but all the flowers looked horrible. She ended up grabbing a mug with the poop emoji on it. "Because life is shitty" she wrote on the card.
She hoped it would make her feel a little better.
"Well I know how much you hurt for your friends. Are you okay? Do you need to talk? I'm happy to chat, I'm just chilling at home folding laundry." Dawn texted her.
Dawn was such a great friend. She did need to talk. She came over for a little while, snuggled Dawn's dog, and they talked. Talked about how unfair death is, how horrible family stuff was...and eventually boys. Dawn had started a casual sex relationship with the ex she just wrote off. It was an interesting situation...almost the same one she had gotten into with KSL. Seeing how it would shake out would be an adventure.
She had just gotten off the phone with SD, who was in shock. Her brother had a seizure that morning, and never came out of it. She was close with her whole family, especially after her mother's death just a few years ago. SD had never properly dealt with the emotion from her mother's death, and she felt overcome with emotion for SD. She couldn't deal with this again...she wasn't strong enough. This wasn't fair.
They left and were quiet most of the way home, only really saying "poor SD" and commenting how awful this was.
She got back into her apartment and stood for awhile, not sure what to do with herself. She sat on the couch and watched the sun set until she was sitting in the dark. She felt terrible. She needed to do something.
She left for the store. She would at least get her a card and some flowers.
Her BFF called her as she got to the store. She and SD had lived together, and SD's brother had been like BFF's own. She was nearly inconsolable. Everyone was in so much pain over this.
She picked up a card, but all the flowers looked horrible. She ended up grabbing a mug with the poop emoji on it. "Because life is shitty" she wrote on the card.
She hoped it would make her feel a little better.
"Well I know how much you hurt for your friends. Are you okay? Do you need to talk? I'm happy to chat, I'm just chilling at home folding laundry." Dawn texted her.
Dawn was such a great friend. She did need to talk. She came over for a little while, snuggled Dawn's dog, and they talked. Talked about how unfair death is, how horrible family stuff was...and eventually boys. Dawn had started a casual sex relationship with the ex she just wrote off. It was an interesting situation...almost the same one she had gotten into with KSL. Seeing how it would shake out would be an adventure.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Son of a Beach
She had one day off in-between her last show and rehearsal for the next. She already felt lighter, her schedule finally letting up. She was also a little panicked, as she would have more time to accept dates from the dating site. Both her previous dates had requested a second, but she wasn't interested in either one of them. She did need to give the weapon back to the first one, so she supposed she was going to have to go on a second date whether she liked it or not.
She put her phone on airplane mode, and decided to just enjoy the day. She, BFF, and Dusky had decided to go to the lake for the afternoon before seeing BFF's show. They took photos all day, sat in the sun, went in the pool, and basically just relaxed and worked on their tans. She managed to only get burned on one leg, so badly that it was swollen before the show even started. She popped two painkillers and managed to get through the show, only almost falling asleep once. It had been a long day and a lot of sun.
After the show they ended up giving another friend a ride home, and she caravaned everyone back to their homes before heading home herself. She still had so much to do for the week, but she was too tired to do anything but get some after-sun lotion slathered on her and falling into bed.
As she feel asleep she thought about how great the day had been, simple. No drama of the past show, the new show shaping up to be amazing. Everything was still busy, but her mind was finally calming down. She'd only coughed a few times that day, and was sure that her sickness had been her just sick of dealing with the drama of the show.
She finally felt like life was leveling out. Just as she drifted off, she realized she might have just jinxed herself.
She put her phone on airplane mode, and decided to just enjoy the day. She, BFF, and Dusky had decided to go to the lake for the afternoon before seeing BFF's show. They took photos all day, sat in the sun, went in the pool, and basically just relaxed and worked on their tans. She managed to only get burned on one leg, so badly that it was swollen before the show even started. She popped two painkillers and managed to get through the show, only almost falling asleep once. It had been a long day and a lot of sun.
After the show they ended up giving another friend a ride home, and she caravaned everyone back to their homes before heading home herself. She still had so much to do for the week, but she was too tired to do anything but get some after-sun lotion slathered on her and falling into bed.
As she feel asleep she thought about how great the day had been, simple. No drama of the past show, the new show shaping up to be amazing. Everything was still busy, but her mind was finally calming down. She'd only coughed a few times that day, and was sure that her sickness had been her just sick of dealing with the drama of the show.
She finally felt like life was leveling out. Just as she drifted off, she realized she might have just jinxed herself.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Stand Up and Run
She was just beginning to settle into a Friday night looking out at her view and writing on her couch when her phone chirped out that she had a text message from Goldie. It was sent to her and Super Director, and it was an invite to see a SNL alum do stand up that night.
Goldie was forever with some of the best luck she'd ever seen. This event was sold out of course, but Goldie not only got them 2 tickets, but got them bumped up to the 4th row VIP area with 4 drink vouchers. When it rains, it pours. She was more than happy to swim in Goldie's solid gold pond for the night.
She picked up SD from her floor and they made their way to the venue. On the way is when they discovered that they would be in the 4th row. SD gasped, and said "You know what this means?!?!"
"It means we will be just close enough to be sad about how old he looks now."
"Penny, THIS is why we are friends. Yes! It's going to be so much fun!"
"And if it's not, we can totally bail!"
"Exactly!"
They arrived and were excited to find that there was no need to bail out of anything early. They grabbed some free Vodka Redbulls and had an amazing time, sitting 4 rows away from an awesome opener and an SNL legend. Afterwards the crowd cleared out quickly, and they were chatting and catching up. Suddenly their contact for the tickets hung up her phone call and said "We need to run. We have to hurry, let's go!"
They grabbed their things and ran down the hall into a ballroom off the main room. Inside that room was one small table, and the SNL comedian. SD was beyond excited and could barely speak. She also didn't say much, mostly just trying to remember to smile for the photo as much as possible. It was clear that this meant much more to SD and Goldie, themselves being comics. It was very surreal, but she was happy to be a part of it.
She briefly thought about how much BFF would be hurt by these pictures the next day. She knew BFF was feeling edged out, and she confirmed it with a snarky "You guys go all sorts of places without me," days later. BFF was about to leave town for a month however, and couldn't be upset by anyone doing things without her during that time.
It was going to be an easy month in the friend department, not having to worry about everyone's feelings.
Goldie was forever with some of the best luck she'd ever seen. This event was sold out of course, but Goldie not only got them 2 tickets, but got them bumped up to the 4th row VIP area with 4 drink vouchers. When it rains, it pours. She was more than happy to swim in Goldie's solid gold pond for the night.
She picked up SD from her floor and they made their way to the venue. On the way is when they discovered that they would be in the 4th row. SD gasped, and said "You know what this means?!?!"
"It means we will be just close enough to be sad about how old he looks now."
"Penny, THIS is why we are friends. Yes! It's going to be so much fun!"
"And if it's not, we can totally bail!"
"Exactly!"
They arrived and were excited to find that there was no need to bail out of anything early. They grabbed some free Vodka Redbulls and had an amazing time, sitting 4 rows away from an awesome opener and an SNL legend. Afterwards the crowd cleared out quickly, and they were chatting and catching up. Suddenly their contact for the tickets hung up her phone call and said "We need to run. We have to hurry, let's go!"
They grabbed their things and ran down the hall into a ballroom off the main room. Inside that room was one small table, and the SNL comedian. SD was beyond excited and could barely speak. She also didn't say much, mostly just trying to remember to smile for the photo as much as possible. It was clear that this meant much more to SD and Goldie, themselves being comics. It was very surreal, but she was happy to be a part of it.
She briefly thought about how much BFF would be hurt by these pictures the next day. She knew BFF was feeling edged out, and she confirmed it with a snarky "You guys go all sorts of places without me," days later. BFF was about to leave town for a month however, and couldn't be upset by anyone doing things without her during that time.
It was going to be an easy month in the friend department, not having to worry about everyone's feelings.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Altercations
They decided to give the Improv show another shot that night, and she
drove. They left his car at his apartment across town, initially
because he wanted to finish a story he'd started about a chick he had
"half banged." The story ended up not being worth the gas it was going
to be to drive him back later that night. Apparently there were lots of
girls that got just the tip in before deciding they didn't want to
actually have sex.
He'd already backed out on spending the night because he had too much laundry to do. He'd also backed out on actual sex despite the fact that she bought condoms. He made the excuse that he hadn't showered in 2 days, she told him that he had gone down on her on the day she moved and she hadn't showered, so they were a little past that "Can't sex right now, stank" period. They agreed to disagree as they got to the show.
One of the guys she had done a show with last summer showed up, and she caught up with him a little right before the show. He was an affectionate guy, so they held hands and kissed on the cheek as they talked, with KSL right behind her. Since KSL wanted to keep things on the down low, she thought this was the perfect way to deflect everyone. She even squealed a little louder than she should have when he kissed/tickled her neck. KSL seemed a little on edge when her friend decided to sit next to them, and for a second she wondered if it was almost jealousy.
A drunk couple came in at the last minute and sat in front of them. The woman was ornery right off the bat, and kept turning around to stare at them. Once she saw that KSL was chewing gum she made her move.
"Could you, like, STOP chewing your gum so loud? I can't hear the show." She was floored by the lady's rudeness and couldn't speak. KSL was less than nice with his retort, telling her to stop sucking down so much booze with her mouth and he'd stop chewing with his. When the Improv show asked for an audience member to participate, she raised her hand and the host asked if she was sober. All four of the people in their row said "No" with the same enthusiasm. She motioned to the stage manager to get security, he disappeared to do so and didn't come back right away.
Later she accused KSL of being "part of the show" when he suggested something they made a scene out of. The lady's date started making fun of KSL's boisterous laugh. KSL held up his hand to the back of their heads and flipped them off. She shoved down his hand but didn't want to keep her hand on his because they were out in public and she was NOT his girlfriend. She had a feeling he was so agitated that he would have acted badly towards her had she tried anything. He was still his friend and she wanted to help, but she ended up being affectionate with her other friend for the remainder of the night.
The lady continued to be rude, saying "I bet you guys do that stuff" whenever the Improv turned to anal jokes. She felt so torn, not being able to be affectionate to KSL to calm him, or talk shit to this woman because technically she wasn't involved.
Then the lady turned around to speak to them one more time, and she felt something inside her snap. She leaned in until she could see the clumps in the lady's mascara and said with seething hatred "Are we friends?"
The lady was confused at first, then offended. "Ugh, no." the lady replied, unsure of where it was going.
She leaned in further to the lady and raised her voice ever so slightly when she said with searing coldness "Then why the fuck are you talking to us?" The lady was shocked, and unsure what to say from there when the stage manager swooped down and told the couple to leave. Just in time, as she was completely ready to throw down with this lady. She had taken all she could of her shitting all over KSL, over everyone shitting all over him. She'd never had a short temper, but something about him and how people just...she just got so protective over him.
Even when it came to himself. After the show he assumed everyone was mad at him for causing a scene, the entire Improv troupe was out to get him. He didn't want to go out, go back to her apartment, he just wanted to go home. She tried to make him feel better on the way, he just got more angry. So she stopped talking. He then got hurt that she wasn't talking and asked if she was mad at him too.
"No one is mad at you! Those guys were assholes, everyone saw that. You didn't start anything. Even I lost my shit and everyone heard. You won't accept my help, there is nothing else to say. I can't say anything else to you. If you aren't listening to me, why I should I talk?"
They stayed silent for as long as he could stand. It was the first time since meeting each other that they weren't speaking, and clearly he couldn't stand the silence. He started talking again, explained that he was overthinking things. That's just the way that the theatre community worked, they talked shit and changed the story and before you knew it, everyone hated him. She remained silent, and he wound himself down talking. By the time she pulled into his complex he was leaning in for a hug and trying to smooth it all over.
She went back to where the members of the Improv show were having a meal, hung out and chatted with everyone. She told them what happened, but they were already completely over it...as suspected.
For a friend alone he was extremely high maintenance. It was getting amazingly easy to continue to separate their friendship from their lover-ship.
He'd already backed out on spending the night because he had too much laundry to do. He'd also backed out on actual sex despite the fact that she bought condoms. He made the excuse that he hadn't showered in 2 days, she told him that he had gone down on her on the day she moved and she hadn't showered, so they were a little past that "Can't sex right now, stank" period. They agreed to disagree as they got to the show.
One of the guys she had done a show with last summer showed up, and she caught up with him a little right before the show. He was an affectionate guy, so they held hands and kissed on the cheek as they talked, with KSL right behind her. Since KSL wanted to keep things on the down low, she thought this was the perfect way to deflect everyone. She even squealed a little louder than she should have when he kissed/tickled her neck. KSL seemed a little on edge when her friend decided to sit next to them, and for a second she wondered if it was almost jealousy.
A drunk couple came in at the last minute and sat in front of them. The woman was ornery right off the bat, and kept turning around to stare at them. Once she saw that KSL was chewing gum she made her move.
"Could you, like, STOP chewing your gum so loud? I can't hear the show." She was floored by the lady's rudeness and couldn't speak. KSL was less than nice with his retort, telling her to stop sucking down so much booze with her mouth and he'd stop chewing with his. When the Improv show asked for an audience member to participate, she raised her hand and the host asked if she was sober. All four of the people in their row said "No" with the same enthusiasm. She motioned to the stage manager to get security, he disappeared to do so and didn't come back right away.
Later she accused KSL of being "part of the show" when he suggested something they made a scene out of. The lady's date started making fun of KSL's boisterous laugh. KSL held up his hand to the back of their heads and flipped them off. She shoved down his hand but didn't want to keep her hand on his because they were out in public and she was NOT his girlfriend. She had a feeling he was so agitated that he would have acted badly towards her had she tried anything. He was still his friend and she wanted to help, but she ended up being affectionate with her other friend for the remainder of the night.
The lady continued to be rude, saying "I bet you guys do that stuff" whenever the Improv turned to anal jokes. She felt so torn, not being able to be affectionate to KSL to calm him, or talk shit to this woman because technically she wasn't involved.
Then the lady turned around to speak to them one more time, and she felt something inside her snap. She leaned in until she could see the clumps in the lady's mascara and said with seething hatred "Are we friends?"
The lady was confused at first, then offended. "Ugh, no." the lady replied, unsure of where it was going.
She leaned in further to the lady and raised her voice ever so slightly when she said with searing coldness "Then why the fuck are you talking to us?" The lady was shocked, and unsure what to say from there when the stage manager swooped down and told the couple to leave. Just in time, as she was completely ready to throw down with this lady. She had taken all she could of her shitting all over KSL, over everyone shitting all over him. She'd never had a short temper, but something about him and how people just...she just got so protective over him.
Even when it came to himself. After the show he assumed everyone was mad at him for causing a scene, the entire Improv troupe was out to get him. He didn't want to go out, go back to her apartment, he just wanted to go home. She tried to make him feel better on the way, he just got more angry. So she stopped talking. He then got hurt that she wasn't talking and asked if she was mad at him too.
"No one is mad at you! Those guys were assholes, everyone saw that. You didn't start anything. Even I lost my shit and everyone heard. You won't accept my help, there is nothing else to say. I can't say anything else to you. If you aren't listening to me, why I should I talk?"
They stayed silent for as long as he could stand. It was the first time since meeting each other that they weren't speaking, and clearly he couldn't stand the silence. He started talking again, explained that he was overthinking things. That's just the way that the theatre community worked, they talked shit and changed the story and before you knew it, everyone hated him. She remained silent, and he wound himself down talking. By the time she pulled into his complex he was leaning in for a hug and trying to smooth it all over.
She went back to where the members of the Improv show were having a meal, hung out and chatted with everyone. She told them what happened, but they were already completely over it...as suspected.
For a friend alone he was extremely high maintenance. It was getting amazingly easy to continue to separate their friendship from their lover-ship.
Monday, June 13, 2016
Moving Along
In lieu of the Ikea trip, they went to her storage unit for his coffee table. Initially she was going to sell it to him for $15, but when she pulled it out of storage she saw it was very scratched up. She mentally knocked the price down to buying her a drink with his next paycheck.
When he arrived to the storage unit he had just come from the ex-girlfriend's place, where he was picking up the rest of his stuff. He was visibly upset, and she made him bring it in for a hug. "I hate that, it feels so condescending when I'm upset." He said, hugging her back reluctantly.
"Oh but it's okay when you do it? That's fair. " She teased him, trying to get him to lighten up. It wasn't working. "What happened?"
"She painted the bathroom. Rearranged some furniture. I had to give her a call to ask about something and mentioned that she was getting a lot done, and she must love that all my shit is out of the house. She agreed. Just nice to know that I'm not missed." He was still upset, and needed a distraction.
"Come in and help me find my toaster, I miss toast. Try not to break anything in anger." She turned away from him when she said this, so he couldn't assess how serious she actually was.
As they were going through boxes his face lit up with excitement as he stumbled upon her original Gameboy and games. She was so glad that she could help. "It still works too!" She said, glad he had finally started to cheer up. He begged to borrow the games and she obliged.
He had a console at home that played them up on the big screen, and they spent an hour being competitive with Tetris and Mario Brothers at his new apartment while he cooked them salmon burgers for dinner. He was surprisingly a good cook, he even made a sriracha aioli sauce to go with it that was both spicy and delicious. It would have been cute and domestic if it wasn't for the fact that they were talking about their prior relationships. He was upset that his ex had moved on...she was upset that her ex hadn't.
When he arrived to the storage unit he had just come from the ex-girlfriend's place, where he was picking up the rest of his stuff. He was visibly upset, and she made him bring it in for a hug. "I hate that, it feels so condescending when I'm upset." He said, hugging her back reluctantly.
"Oh but it's okay when you do it? That's fair. " She teased him, trying to get him to lighten up. It wasn't working. "What happened?"
"She painted the bathroom. Rearranged some furniture. I had to give her a call to ask about something and mentioned that she was getting a lot done, and she must love that all my shit is out of the house. She agreed. Just nice to know that I'm not missed." He was still upset, and needed a distraction.
"Come in and help me find my toaster, I miss toast. Try not to break anything in anger." She turned away from him when she said this, so he couldn't assess how serious she actually was.
As they were going through boxes his face lit up with excitement as he stumbled upon her original Gameboy and games. She was so glad that she could help. "It still works too!" She said, glad he had finally started to cheer up. He begged to borrow the games and she obliged.
He had a console at home that played them up on the big screen, and they spent an hour being competitive with Tetris and Mario Brothers at his new apartment while he cooked them salmon burgers for dinner. He was surprisingly a good cook, he even made a sriracha aioli sauce to go with it that was both spicy and delicious. It would have been cute and domestic if it wasn't for the fact that they were talking about their prior relationships. He was upset that his ex had moved on...she was upset that her ex hadn't.
"Won't we be quite the pair?--You with your bad heart and me with my bad head. Together, though, we might have something worthwhile." -Zelda Fitzgerald
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Having a D & M
She'd had just enough to drink at the movie's wrap party to put herself out there and text him. "You at rehearsal tonight? Want to hang after or do you need to get home?"
KSL: "I can chill for a bit, sure."
Then she got kidnapped by Super Director and Goldie to go out for tacos. The clock was ticking and she tried to hurry them along, ordering her tacos to go and them sitting down. She made the excuses, she had to work early in the morning and she wanted to pee in her own studio instead of the outside bathroom of the taco place. They finally left to go back home.
Upon getting to the elevator, she jumped in and punched their respective floors. The elevator groaned slightly and SD and Goldie jumped out like a hot potato. KSL was due to arrive any minute, and she couldn't waste any more time. She said goodbye to them and stayed in the elevator.
It went up to her floor just fine, and she unlocked her door and entered the studio, turning on her small lamp on the way to the kitchen. She was afraid her timing was horrible, but KSL arrived a few minutes later, long enough that he didn't share an elevator with SD and Goldie.
"I put 'Goldie Stop Being Nosy' in the guest book when I signed in." He said with a smirk. "Would you stop that?" she asked "They are going to kick me out or something! Just write your damn name."
After making drinks and sitting down, the open letter came up. She had written one for the blog, but at the last minute decided not to post it. She saved it to a Word doc and put it on her desktop. After some convincing, she opened it and let him read it.
She looked down as he did, trying to hide how red her neck must be. It felt hot, and she could feel her heart being squeezed. She prefaced the read with the fact that a lot had been cleared up due to finding out he was an ENFJ. After finishing he wordlessly handed her back her laptop, and she said "thoughts?"
What followed was a big D & M about almost everything they had been through. The physical stuff got brought up, he again pointed out that she initiated that one kiss. "You know, it's funny how the ONE time I iniated anything and you continue to throw it in my face. Look at what YOU started. I had no idea where I stood with you, and when you didn't kiss me back I was humiliated. Humiliated. I would NEVER try that again." He claimed she had just taken him by surprise, and he sincerely apologized for making her feel that way.
He said he had a pattern, and that after he breaks up with his girlfriend (his guess was they wouldn't make it another month) he will be destructive for awhile. He warned her that she would most likely not want to be around him when he got destructive, which would be around the 2 month mark of his being single. He said he'd start his own dating blog about dating in his 30's, and it stung on two levels.
She desperately wanted him to say that he cared about her, but couldn't do a relationship right now. She just wanted to know that there were feelings there. It appeared that the closest she would come is in him warning her to stay away.
She told him how much he had penetrated her...emotionally. The open letter, the blogs...she felt like an open wound. "I just want to know where I stand. It's just hard to keep my balance when I'm not sure if you regard me as a fuck buddy, a friendship, or a relationship. I don't know how to act around you, what is okay and what isn't...so I've been trying to keep my distance."
"Clearly," he said, motioning to the fact that she was on the far side of the couch from him. After a long silence, he said "I don't know. I just don't know."
She nodded, and fell silent. Many many thoughts were swirling in her mind, none she could really say out loud. It was a hard place to be. He glanced at her, saw the storm brewing in her mind. His face softened.
"Need a hug?"
She heistated, then finally joined him on the other side of the couch, curling up into his side. They joked and snuggled until long after he said he had to leave. They hugged again by the door for a long time. She was still on shaky ground with him, but she thought they'd done an okay job of drawing a line in the sand as to how far they would go again. She knew that she needed to make a promise to herself to not sleep with him for at least a year. It was a promise she needed to stick with.
She closed the door behind him, deciding not to walk out to the elevators with him.
KSL: "I can chill for a bit, sure."
Then she got kidnapped by Super Director and Goldie to go out for tacos. The clock was ticking and she tried to hurry them along, ordering her tacos to go and them sitting down. She made the excuses, she had to work early in the morning and she wanted to pee in her own studio instead of the outside bathroom of the taco place. They finally left to go back home.
Upon getting to the elevator, she jumped in and punched their respective floors. The elevator groaned slightly and SD and Goldie jumped out like a hot potato. KSL was due to arrive any minute, and she couldn't waste any more time. She said goodbye to them and stayed in the elevator.
It went up to her floor just fine, and she unlocked her door and entered the studio, turning on her small lamp on the way to the kitchen. She was afraid her timing was horrible, but KSL arrived a few minutes later, long enough that he didn't share an elevator with SD and Goldie.
"I put 'Goldie Stop Being Nosy' in the guest book when I signed in." He said with a smirk. "Would you stop that?" she asked "They are going to kick me out or something! Just write your damn name."
After making drinks and sitting down, the open letter came up. She had written one for the blog, but at the last minute decided not to post it. She saved it to a Word doc and put it on her desktop. After some convincing, she opened it and let him read it.
She looked down as he did, trying to hide how red her neck must be. It felt hot, and she could feel her heart being squeezed. She prefaced the read with the fact that a lot had been cleared up due to finding out he was an ENFJ. After finishing he wordlessly handed her back her laptop, and she said "thoughts?"
What followed was a big D & M about almost everything they had been through. The physical stuff got brought up, he again pointed out that she initiated that one kiss. "You know, it's funny how the ONE time I iniated anything and you continue to throw it in my face. Look at what YOU started. I had no idea where I stood with you, and when you didn't kiss me back I was humiliated. Humiliated. I would NEVER try that again." He claimed she had just taken him by surprise, and he sincerely apologized for making her feel that way.
He said he had a pattern, and that after he breaks up with his girlfriend (his guess was they wouldn't make it another month) he will be destructive for awhile. He warned her that she would most likely not want to be around him when he got destructive, which would be around the 2 month mark of his being single. He said he'd start his own dating blog about dating in his 30's, and it stung on two levels.
She desperately wanted him to say that he cared about her, but couldn't do a relationship right now. She just wanted to know that there were feelings there. It appeared that the closest she would come is in him warning her to stay away.
She told him how much he had penetrated her...emotionally. The open letter, the blogs...she felt like an open wound. "I just want to know where I stand. It's just hard to keep my balance when I'm not sure if you regard me as a fuck buddy, a friendship, or a relationship. I don't know how to act around you, what is okay and what isn't...so I've been trying to keep my distance."
"Clearly," he said, motioning to the fact that she was on the far side of the couch from him. After a long silence, he said "I don't know. I just don't know."
She nodded, and fell silent. Many many thoughts were swirling in her mind, none she could really say out loud. It was a hard place to be. He glanced at her, saw the storm brewing in her mind. His face softened.
"Need a hug?"
She heistated, then finally joined him on the other side of the couch, curling up into his side. They joked and snuggled until long after he said he had to leave. They hugged again by the door for a long time. She was still on shaky ground with him, but she thought they'd done an okay job of drawing a line in the sand as to how far they would go again. She knew that she needed to make a promise to herself to not sleep with him for at least a year. It was a promise she needed to stick with.
She closed the door behind him, deciding not to walk out to the elevators with him.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Date with Destiny
"Hello!" PJ said in his own lighthearted lilt. "I just got off work and I'm headed your way. What is your apartment number?"
He greeted her at the door with one of his warm hugs, and took a cursory tour of the studio. He tread quietly around and saw the view from the balcony. He was impressed with the space, and like everyone else, said it would be good for her.
As they walked over to the bridge opening, he said how he was actually looking forward to his evening, as plans had been canceled last minute; an introverts dream. He said he wasn't getting tired of having nothing to do after work, and he and AB were living it up doing something different every weekend. She was really happy for them, they still seemed so amazing together. She was still a little sad that she took most of his time, but nothing could be done about it. She just had to treasure the time that she did get with him.
As they approached the new bridge, she spotted her...husband? Ex? She wasn't sure what to call him anymore. She saw him taking photos out on the bridge, that was currently only open to foot traffic. They went in for an awkward hug and talked for a few minutes as they walked across the bridge, then he had to go to rehearsal that was just across the street. He did share that he was getting a little further in the interview process for a job, which she praised him for. What else could she do? She was happy that her friends life was looking up, after she crushed it. It was all so awkward.
She and PJ walked together in silence across the rest of the bridge, and was about to head down to the water when she spotted her sister and her friend. They invited themselves over to her apartment, so she said goodbye to PJ and took them upstairs after they all walked back. PJ gave her a look as he walked away, and she worried that he had an idea of what she'd done. If he did, he would be so disappointed in her.
Her sister and her sister's friend were obnoxious, so she gave them a basic tour and then kicked them out. Not a moment too soon, as her nerves had started to get fried.
She stepped into her apartment and felt the energy. Her sister had helped her raise her desk, and PJ had fixed the door that had gone off the rollers. Except for some pots and pans, the place was pretty well moved in. It was glorious. A few minutes later she was off to Goldie's to enjoy some wine and to sit there as the girls went through all the dancing scenes of the latest Magic Mike. She shook her head almost the whole time, laughing at how silly they were.
He greeted her at the door with one of his warm hugs, and took a cursory tour of the studio. He tread quietly around and saw the view from the balcony. He was impressed with the space, and like everyone else, said it would be good for her.
As they walked over to the bridge opening, he said how he was actually looking forward to his evening, as plans had been canceled last minute; an introverts dream. He said he wasn't getting tired of having nothing to do after work, and he and AB were living it up doing something different every weekend. She was really happy for them, they still seemed so amazing together. She was still a little sad that she took most of his time, but nothing could be done about it. She just had to treasure the time that she did get with him.
As they approached the new bridge, she spotted her...husband? Ex? She wasn't sure what to call him anymore. She saw him taking photos out on the bridge, that was currently only open to foot traffic. They went in for an awkward hug and talked for a few minutes as they walked across the bridge, then he had to go to rehearsal that was just across the street. He did share that he was getting a little further in the interview process for a job, which she praised him for. What else could she do? She was happy that her friends life was looking up, after she crushed it. It was all so awkward.
She and PJ walked together in silence across the rest of the bridge, and was about to head down to the water when she spotted her sister and her friend. They invited themselves over to her apartment, so she said goodbye to PJ and took them upstairs after they all walked back. PJ gave her a look as he walked away, and she worried that he had an idea of what she'd done. If he did, he would be so disappointed in her.
Her sister and her sister's friend were obnoxious, so she gave them a basic tour and then kicked them out. Not a moment too soon, as her nerves had started to get fried.
She stepped into her apartment and felt the energy. Her sister had helped her raise her desk, and PJ had fixed the door that had gone off the rollers. Except for some pots and pans, the place was pretty well moved in. It was glorious. A few minutes later she was off to Goldie's to enjoy some wine and to sit there as the girls went through all the dancing scenes of the latest Magic Mike. She shook her head almost the whole time, laughing at how silly they were.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)