"So, I'm actually moving in a month." SD dropped the bomb on her for the few minutes they spent together before she had to get back to Goldie's dog. Goldie herself was moving out of the building next summer.
"Is it weird, coming back here now that you don't live here anymore?" Mel asked when he was over to visit. "No," she answered, "It still feels like home."
She realized suddenly that soon she would have no reason to go back to her old building. The place she still considered home. Though she had a place to stash her crap, it didn't feel like home. She knew it wasn't going to be forever.
The next day she had a start of a panic attack and didn't know why. Talking through it with Banana she realized that it was just because it was like moving out of the building all over again, losing her home all over again. Luckily the sudden knowledge of what she was panicking about stopped the attack, but the sadness of the situation remained.
She was emotionally homeless.
Showing posts with label Super Director. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Super Director. Show all posts
Friday, November 16, 2018
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
BFF Wedding
The day of BFF's wedding had finally come.
She had been dreading it for weeks. If this wedding had come even a year later, she most likely would not have been invited. They were in a weird place where BFF most likely thought that she had to invite her, and she thought she had to come. Neither of them were adult enough to just admit that and not make it awkward for everyone involved.
JJ was supposed to be her date, but he bailed at the last minute, much like he had with being a moving buddy. KSL had turned his nose up at being a "plus one" and Mel had to work and would have only been able to duck in and out for the ceremony.
She decided to take her mother, which everyone else saw as sweet but she saw as pathetic. Dealing with the bad driving all the way up the mountain to the wedding site was whiplash worthy, and she relinquished control only when realizing she was going to have to parallel park.
The ceremony was sweet, but she still had this weird feeling that she shouldn't have been there at all. Just being a regular guest hurt her heart. She hadn't been asked to help or contribute, but it seems that SD seemed to be running the whole wedding. They had been friends for a long time, sure, but it started to really sink in as the night wore on that she'd lost her best friend and been invited to the wedding.
Not that BFF's groom was bad, in fact she had come to like him far more than BFF. She really enjoyed that he was supportive of everyone around him, and had a dark snarky quality that they shared.
Everyone was taking the mic and doing toasts, and she suddenly had the urge to go up there. She got emotional and knew there was no way she was going to be able to hold it together, so she held off.
Just before she left she approached them and told them she wasn't a people person, so she was going to toast them face to face now.
"When BFF and I first met, it was because she was a mutual friend of someone else's and I needed to check her out because I wanted to make sure she was good enough for him. Then we met and I told her she wasn't good enough for him. Then you came along, and I had to check to make sure you were good enough for her. And you are."
She got choked up, hugged them both, and left without saying goodbye to anyone.
She had been dreading it for weeks. If this wedding had come even a year later, she most likely would not have been invited. They were in a weird place where BFF most likely thought that she had to invite her, and she thought she had to come. Neither of them were adult enough to just admit that and not make it awkward for everyone involved.
JJ was supposed to be her date, but he bailed at the last minute, much like he had with being a moving buddy. KSL had turned his nose up at being a "plus one" and Mel had to work and would have only been able to duck in and out for the ceremony.
She decided to take her mother, which everyone else saw as sweet but she saw as pathetic. Dealing with the bad driving all the way up the mountain to the wedding site was whiplash worthy, and she relinquished control only when realizing she was going to have to parallel park.
The ceremony was sweet, but she still had this weird feeling that she shouldn't have been there at all. Just being a regular guest hurt her heart. She hadn't been asked to help or contribute, but it seems that SD seemed to be running the whole wedding. They had been friends for a long time, sure, but it started to really sink in as the night wore on that she'd lost her best friend and been invited to the wedding.
Not that BFF's groom was bad, in fact she had come to like him far more than BFF. She really enjoyed that he was supportive of everyone around him, and had a dark snarky quality that they shared.
Everyone was taking the mic and doing toasts, and she suddenly had the urge to go up there. She got emotional and knew there was no way she was going to be able to hold it together, so she held off.
Just before she left she approached them and told them she wasn't a people person, so she was going to toast them face to face now.
"When BFF and I first met, it was because she was a mutual friend of someone else's and I needed to check her out because I wanted to make sure she was good enough for him. Then we met and I told her she wasn't good enough for him. Then you came along, and I had to check to make sure you were good enough for her. And you are."
She got choked up, hugged them both, and left without saying goodbye to anyone.
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Girl's Trip
They had to be up at 4am to make their flight.
Strike 1.
The sun rose as their plane made their decent into the city. She tried to keep up with conversation, the energy and excitement of the trip.
They got into town and she ordered a Rideshare, who promptly called her and asked how many people she had, and said he couldn't accommodate her and she needed to cancel the ride. The other girls yelled at her as soon as she had told them about it, like the guy had been her fault.
Strike 2.
They got to the hotel, that was of course not ready to check them in yet. They spent time in the lobby talking about nothing for what seemed like hours. Her introvert battery was quickly drained.
They decided to go to brunch early, and she decided to see how far she could walk before Mo came to pick her up at noon. According to her Fitbit, about 17,000 steps later, Mo came to pick her up with his wife and baby, and they headed to their favorite sushi restaurant.
It was the first time meeting his baby, and he reached out for her immediately, which made her feel good. She needed to make time to go down and visit him, maybe later on in the summertime.
They met up with other friends and had an amazing time eating. Back at the hotel, the girls had gotten drunk at brunch, and all started to text her that they wanted pizza. She had just gorged herself on sushi and didn't appreciate that they all started to gang up on her, texting five or six times in a row. She made a decision to ignore their texts, because otherwise she would end up back at the hotel in a rage.
They were drunk and cranky when she got back, and she left an hour later to go out drinking with Mo. They laughed, talked, bar hopped, and had a great time. She missed him so much, and when his wife asked if the schools were better in her town, she said yes without even knowing if they were. It would be amazing if they moved to where she lived.
Things were getting a little better with him and his wife, and she was glad they seemed to be working things out. She talked to him about her relationship woes, and they commiserated with more cocktails.
She didn't get to see him the rest of the weekend, and spent much of it on her own exploring her old haunts. The girls got more and more drunk and belligerent as the weekend wore on, and it was testing her nerves.
Goldie got upset that her PJs had gone missing, but the maids had been in and made the beds, and must have put it with all the other clothes that were lying on the other bed. When she suggested this she was berated again by the girls for how stupid of an idea that was.
Strike 3. She was done.
Goldie got upset that she wasn't helping them look. "They are lost forever." She stated coldly. Later they of course found it in the exact place they had told them to look. They responded by calling her sensitive...because that's the best way to make a sensitive person feel better, to call attention to their sensitivity.
The entire rest of the trip she became cold and unresponsive, just waiting for it all to be over.
Strike 1.
The sun rose as their plane made their decent into the city. She tried to keep up with conversation, the energy and excitement of the trip.
They got into town and she ordered a Rideshare, who promptly called her and asked how many people she had, and said he couldn't accommodate her and she needed to cancel the ride. The other girls yelled at her as soon as she had told them about it, like the guy had been her fault.
Strike 2.
They got to the hotel, that was of course not ready to check them in yet. They spent time in the lobby talking about nothing for what seemed like hours. Her introvert battery was quickly drained.
They decided to go to brunch early, and she decided to see how far she could walk before Mo came to pick her up at noon. According to her Fitbit, about 17,000 steps later, Mo came to pick her up with his wife and baby, and they headed to their favorite sushi restaurant.
It was the first time meeting his baby, and he reached out for her immediately, which made her feel good. She needed to make time to go down and visit him, maybe later on in the summertime.
They met up with other friends and had an amazing time eating. Back at the hotel, the girls had gotten drunk at brunch, and all started to text her that they wanted pizza. She had just gorged herself on sushi and didn't appreciate that they all started to gang up on her, texting five or six times in a row. She made a decision to ignore their texts, because otherwise she would end up back at the hotel in a rage.
They were drunk and cranky when she got back, and she left an hour later to go out drinking with Mo. They laughed, talked, bar hopped, and had a great time. She missed him so much, and when his wife asked if the schools were better in her town, she said yes without even knowing if they were. It would be amazing if they moved to where she lived.
Things were getting a little better with him and his wife, and she was glad they seemed to be working things out. She talked to him about her relationship woes, and they commiserated with more cocktails.
She didn't get to see him the rest of the weekend, and spent much of it on her own exploring her old haunts. The girls got more and more drunk and belligerent as the weekend wore on, and it was testing her nerves.
Goldie got upset that her PJs had gone missing, but the maids had been in and made the beds, and must have put it with all the other clothes that were lying on the other bed. When she suggested this she was berated again by the girls for how stupid of an idea that was.
Strike 3. She was done.
Goldie got upset that she wasn't helping them look. "They are lost forever." She stated coldly. Later they of course found it in the exact place they had told them to look. They responded by calling her sensitive...because that's the best way to make a sensitive person feel better, to call attention to their sensitivity.
The entire rest of the trip she became cold and unresponsive, just waiting for it all to be over.
Friday, March 23, 2018
The Search Begins
She was going to have a talk with KSL about a potential roommate situation later. Until she could meet with him, she went into overdrive looking for one-bedrooms.
Goldie and SD kept sending her links to units in their building. They were all more money than she was paying, and when she went to see them...they looked their age. It was a 50 year old building and it was fast becoming apparent that her unit was the most updated. She secretly thanked her lucky stars that she'd found the only hardwood floor-Ikea-ed out kitchen in the entire building with a dishwasher.
She had let in three different potential investors and given them the grand 20 second tour. A couple of them had hinted that they might buy the place and let her stay, but she needed to be prepared and couldn't rely on empty promises.
Mel was trying to get her to move into a piece of shit place by herself, tried to convince her that she didn't need things that she found to be essential. Maybe he was just too young to realize that when you get to be a certain age, you don't have to compromise anymore...at least not about the things that really matter to you. Mel managed to pressure her with all this while at the same time almost completely disappearing from her life. Being as they shared the acts of service and quality time love languages, she took this as a complete abandonment and let her heart drift out to sea.
Dishwashers mattered to her. A washer and dryer in unit would be nice, but she could potentially live without it. It had to be under a certain amount of money or she wouldn't be able to eat. She didn't want to live out in the sticks and have a million hour commute. She could save a bunch of money if she had a roommate.
Her mind screamed no, that it was quite possibly the worst idea in the history of ideas that she become roommates with KSL. They would kill each other. It would be volatile, an emotional minefield of awful.
She started writing down concerns, questions about the apartment. Her mind kept going and she started a new page. She re-wrote. Then she heard a few voices in her head of people who had told her she was negative, a defeatist. She started a new page of positives about having a roommate, having her as a roommate. She figured that he would know what his good qualities of being a roommate would be.
She was ready to have the talk. There were a few things on her list that she knew if he didn't agree to, that it couldn't work. She at least felt more calm now that all her options had been laid out in front of her.
The crying had finally subsided.
Goldie and SD kept sending her links to units in their building. They were all more money than she was paying, and when she went to see them...they looked their age. It was a 50 year old building and it was fast becoming apparent that her unit was the most updated. She secretly thanked her lucky stars that she'd found the only hardwood floor-Ikea-ed out kitchen in the entire building with a dishwasher.
She had let in three different potential investors and given them the grand 20 second tour. A couple of them had hinted that they might buy the place and let her stay, but she needed to be prepared and couldn't rely on empty promises.
Mel was trying to get her to move into a piece of shit place by herself, tried to convince her that she didn't need things that she found to be essential. Maybe he was just too young to realize that when you get to be a certain age, you don't have to compromise anymore...at least not about the things that really matter to you. Mel managed to pressure her with all this while at the same time almost completely disappearing from her life. Being as they shared the acts of service and quality time love languages, she took this as a complete abandonment and let her heart drift out to sea.
Dishwashers mattered to her. A washer and dryer in unit would be nice, but she could potentially live without it. It had to be under a certain amount of money or she wouldn't be able to eat. She didn't want to live out in the sticks and have a million hour commute. She could save a bunch of money if she had a roommate.
Her mind screamed no, that it was quite possibly the worst idea in the history of ideas that she become roommates with KSL. They would kill each other. It would be volatile, an emotional minefield of awful.
She started writing down concerns, questions about the apartment. Her mind kept going and she started a new page. She re-wrote. Then she heard a few voices in her head of people who had told her she was negative, a defeatist. She started a new page of positives about having a roommate, having her as a roommate. She figured that he would know what his good qualities of being a roommate would be.
She was ready to have the talk. There were a few things on her list that she knew if he didn't agree to, that it couldn't work. She at least felt more calm now that all her options had been laid out in front of her.
The crying had finally subsided.
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Genenna
Genenna- a place or state of misery; hell.
She was avoiding messaging her landlady. She knew her lease was up at the end of April, and the front desk guard had told her the owners had just been slapped with a huge fee for something silly.
She figured maybe if she waited...she didn't know. She signed up for a new app that sent her updates of free apartments.
One day she received the text. Her landlady was going to sell the apartment. She asked for at least 2 months notice of her having to move out, she acquiesced.
Her mind went into overdrive. She researched apartments, signed up for alerts...and that night she went out to dinner with Mel. She apologized for fixating, and he said it was fine. She mentioned that one possibility, that she didn't want to really think about right now, was that KSL needed a roommate in June. Mel recalled his days being a roommate with KSL, and advised strongly against it. She said that with KSL she would at least know what she was getting into, she knew him.
Mel said that he would offer to move with her, but "that's a little too relationship stuff."
Internally she rolled her eyes. God forbid she was awesome enough to want to have "relationship stuff" with. She decided to shake it off, since he was the least of her worries at this moment.
Then, days later...she got her two months notice. She needed to be out by May 15th, and there were three realtors coming by that weekend to look at the apartment. The tearful phone call came right in the middle of the wrap party for the movie. She tried to pull it together, but the text messages from the investors came rolling in right after. She just tried to keep it together as well as possible. She spoke briefly with KSL over the phone about having a talk about being roommates. He was going through his own thing and she deliberately tried to keep the emotion out of her voice as she spoke to him.
Mel showed up soon afterward, but he was spooked because an old girlfriend who had once slashed his tires was there. He said he didn't feel comfortable with her there, and left soon afterward despite the fact that she said she wasn't feeling well and needed a ride home. He texted with her a little later vaguely threatening that if she moved in with KSL that he wouldn't see her anymore.
Good Riddance.
She got back to the apartment and realized that she was going to be up for hours trying to clean the apartment for the first realtor the next morning.
She got as far as her front hallway and started sobbing. She was not ready to say goodbye to this space. She was set free here. She realized that sex was enjoyable in this space, fell in love, and had so many drunk late nights with friends. She was not going to see Goldie and SD as often.
What if she had to go back? What if she ended up having no choice and moving back in with her mom, and her ex who still lived there? She was suddenly back there, that moment before she moved into her studio and was so desperate to have a different life, to be set free.
She felt as if she was going to lose her freedom again. It felt terrible.
"This place saved me. This apartment, you, saved me. I'm not ready to let go" She tearfully sobbed to Goldie.
She would figured it out eventually....but for the next three days she couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop mourning the potential loss. And she did it alone.
She was avoiding messaging her landlady. She knew her lease was up at the end of April, and the front desk guard had told her the owners had just been slapped with a huge fee for something silly.
She figured maybe if she waited...she didn't know. She signed up for a new app that sent her updates of free apartments.
One day she received the text. Her landlady was going to sell the apartment. She asked for at least 2 months notice of her having to move out, she acquiesced.
Her mind went into overdrive. She researched apartments, signed up for alerts...and that night she went out to dinner with Mel. She apologized for fixating, and he said it was fine. She mentioned that one possibility, that she didn't want to really think about right now, was that KSL needed a roommate in June. Mel recalled his days being a roommate with KSL, and advised strongly against it. She said that with KSL she would at least know what she was getting into, she knew him.
Mel said that he would offer to move with her, but "that's a little too relationship stuff."
Internally she rolled her eyes. God forbid she was awesome enough to want to have "relationship stuff" with. She decided to shake it off, since he was the least of her worries at this moment.
Then, days later...she got her two months notice. She needed to be out by May 15th, and there were three realtors coming by that weekend to look at the apartment. The tearful phone call came right in the middle of the wrap party for the movie. She tried to pull it together, but the text messages from the investors came rolling in right after. She just tried to keep it together as well as possible. She spoke briefly with KSL over the phone about having a talk about being roommates. He was going through his own thing and she deliberately tried to keep the emotion out of her voice as she spoke to him.
Mel showed up soon afterward, but he was spooked because an old girlfriend who had once slashed his tires was there. He said he didn't feel comfortable with her there, and left soon afterward despite the fact that she said she wasn't feeling well and needed a ride home. He texted with her a little later vaguely threatening that if she moved in with KSL that he wouldn't see her anymore.
Good Riddance.
She got back to the apartment and realized that she was going to be up for hours trying to clean the apartment for the first realtor the next morning.
She got as far as her front hallway and started sobbing. She was not ready to say goodbye to this space. She was set free here. She realized that sex was enjoyable in this space, fell in love, and had so many drunk late nights with friends. She was not going to see Goldie and SD as often.
What if she had to go back? What if she ended up having no choice and moving back in with her mom, and her ex who still lived there? She was suddenly back there, that moment before she moved into her studio and was so desperate to have a different life, to be set free.
She felt as if she was going to lose her freedom again. It felt terrible.
"This place saved me. This apartment, you, saved me. I'm not ready to let go" She tearfully sobbed to Goldie.
She would figured it out eventually....but for the next three days she couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop mourning the potential loss. And she did it alone.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
The Weekend of Broken Promises
At the last minute her boss decided to give everyone the Monday before Independence day off, and well as the 4th. She was more upset than anything else, as she hadn't had time to really plan anything.
She made beach plans with MG that got shut down pretty quickly by SD, stating they had a rehearsal that night and would never get back in time. Goldie overheard and suggested a closer beach, and that they all go. She acquiesced.
A few days later there was a text from Goldie to her and SD. "Why don't we make it a staycation and do a buffet and hang by the pool?"
SD responded in kind. She did not respond at all. She guessed it didn't matter what she thought one way or another...it was the exact opposite of what she wanted to do that weekend.
Later Goldie again texted her about going to a ball game on July 4th. "No thanks, I really can't afford it. Have fun though!"
"I already bought your ticket!"
She scowled. She didn't even ask her if she wanted to go, just bought a ticket. She disliked having plans made for her. Her plans for the weekend had been all well and good until Goldie came along and blew them up. Suddenly all she wanted to be was alone.
Again, she didn't respond. Goldie pushed. She became more angry, and still didn't respond. Eventually she had to respond as Goldie kept hounding her. She was as restrained as possible. Goldie still said some harsh, rude things to her under the guise of friendship. Then she insisted on a trip to wine country that was a few hours away, only to say it would be pretty pricey an hour later.
Dejected, she left her suitcase out on her coffee table, packed only with some underwear and pj's. She was so desperately tired of being jerked around. Her heart hurt.
She made beach plans with MG that got shut down pretty quickly by SD, stating they had a rehearsal that night and would never get back in time. Goldie overheard and suggested a closer beach, and that they all go. She acquiesced.
A few days later there was a text from Goldie to her and SD. "Why don't we make it a staycation and do a buffet and hang by the pool?"
SD responded in kind. She did not respond at all. She guessed it didn't matter what she thought one way or another...it was the exact opposite of what she wanted to do that weekend.
Later Goldie again texted her about going to a ball game on July 4th. "No thanks, I really can't afford it. Have fun though!"
"I already bought your ticket!"
She scowled. She didn't even ask her if she wanted to go, just bought a ticket. She disliked having plans made for her. Her plans for the weekend had been all well and good until Goldie came along and blew them up. Suddenly all she wanted to be was alone.
Again, she didn't respond. Goldie pushed. She became more angry, and still didn't respond. Eventually she had to respond as Goldie kept hounding her. She was as restrained as possible. Goldie still said some harsh, rude things to her under the guise of friendship. Then she insisted on a trip to wine country that was a few hours away, only to say it would be pretty pricey an hour later.
Dejected, she left her suitcase out on her coffee table, packed only with some underwear and pj's. She was so desperately tired of being jerked around. Her heart hurt.
Monday, June 12, 2017
Dismantle the Space
The day after the Improv show they all came together to take down everything that had built up from years in the theatre space. Everyone threw themselves right into the work in order to avoid any emotion. The troupe trickled in through the hour, as punctuality had never been their strong suite.
She and IL had bonded over a trip to the capitol for coffee, and now everyone was in full on "what do we do?" mode. At one point IL sent her and Levi to their house about a mile away to pick up and drop off a load.
He was mostly quiet in the car, and she immediately became worried about how if they had nothing to talk about now, how badly the future date would be.
"Thanks for letting me kidnap your wife for some girl time this morning. It was nice, I think we both needed it."
"Both of you are amazing women, you don't deserve to be treated like that."
Awesome. Of course he knew too. How great was this pity date going to be? "Thanks." She left it at that, and thankfully he didn't pursue it. Instead they talked about how grateful they were that many people showed up to help out instead of leaving it all to IL. It was a short drive to the house and they unloaded and he said he'd take his own car back to the space so they would have another vehicle to throw things into.
She stepped back into the space and said "You didn't want him back, did you IL?" with a smile. IL laughed and said "For real, where is he?"
"Waiting in my apartment." They both laughed, and she confirmed he had been behind her with their own car.
They all gathered around near the end and went through all the memory boards for each round of shows that they performed. Because it was Improv and everything lived and died on the stage, it was hard remembering where certain handwritten lines had come from, or even who had said them.
They went to a local diner for food and more company and reminiscing. The conversation, for once, didn't completely surround the troupe and what they had done onstage. She found herself immersed and finally engaging in that much needed conversation she had been missing the last few weeks. They joked, they made plans, everything felt effortless...which almost made it even more sad. Why couldn't it have been like this the whole time?
They took the party from the diner to the bar, with she and SD hitching a ride with Levi in his topless VW Convertible. As she got in the back she realized this is what he would be picking her up in a few days in the future. She hoped it was going to be a night free of precipitation.
She went home and started reading Levi's book so she had something to talk about during the date.
She and IL had bonded over a trip to the capitol for coffee, and now everyone was in full on "what do we do?" mode. At one point IL sent her and Levi to their house about a mile away to pick up and drop off a load.
He was mostly quiet in the car, and she immediately became worried about how if they had nothing to talk about now, how badly the future date would be.
"Thanks for letting me kidnap your wife for some girl time this morning. It was nice, I think we both needed it."
"Both of you are amazing women, you don't deserve to be treated like that."
Awesome. Of course he knew too. How great was this pity date going to be? "Thanks." She left it at that, and thankfully he didn't pursue it. Instead they talked about how grateful they were that many people showed up to help out instead of leaving it all to IL. It was a short drive to the house and they unloaded and he said he'd take his own car back to the space so they would have another vehicle to throw things into.
She stepped back into the space and said "You didn't want him back, did you IL?" with a smile. IL laughed and said "For real, where is he?"
"Waiting in my apartment." They both laughed, and she confirmed he had been behind her with their own car.
They all gathered around near the end and went through all the memory boards for each round of shows that they performed. Because it was Improv and everything lived and died on the stage, it was hard remembering where certain handwritten lines had come from, or even who had said them.
They went to a local diner for food and more company and reminiscing. The conversation, for once, didn't completely surround the troupe and what they had done onstage. She found herself immersed and finally engaging in that much needed conversation she had been missing the last few weeks. They joked, they made plans, everything felt effortless...which almost made it even more sad. Why couldn't it have been like this the whole time?
They took the party from the diner to the bar, with she and SD hitching a ride with Levi in his topless VW Convertible. As she got in the back she realized this is what he would be picking her up in a few days in the future. She hoped it was going to be a night free of precipitation.
She went home and started reading Levi's book so she had something to talk about during the date.
Monday, June 5, 2017
End of an Era
She was more upset than she had any right to be about the last Improv show. She had been with them for so long, and they were her first friends after moving back. She didn't know where she would be without the constant steadfastness of SD, the yoga and inspiration of TM, the endless wisdom of Goldie, and of course the BFF who had introduced them all to her. Even MG, although as of late they hadn't been getting along and things were becoming incredibly strained.
Everyone was separating from the Improv Leader and forming their own group. They had done this in the wrong way, leaving IL hurt and feeling incredibly betrayed. she and IL had spoke a few times about it and IL was in a healthy place, although there were still a lot of hurt feelings that she assumed would remain for quite a while.
She'd cried at least three times that day. She couldn't believe this experience was coming to an end. Her heart hurt for IL, and she felt like a child whose parents split up, but neither one wanted to keep the child. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with her Saturday nights anymore.
With no play to stage manage in the near future, she felt more alone than ever.
Luckily she would be surrounded by friends that night. Banana, and even KSL were coming. Working the front was overwhelming but she made it through and managed to get into a seat beside Dusky, who insisted on saving her a spot. BFF's fiance offered to save her a seat as well, and she was touched. KSL texted her asking if he'd like to save her a seat, but then the seats next to him were taken shortly after he offered. She wasn't sure why he sat by himself instead of with Banana and the people she came with, but she was too preoccupied with dealing with the front to worry about it.
She took her seat for a perfect first half of the show. All the suggestions were perfect, the chemistry was on fire, and for the first time she had a front row seat. She ducked out shortly before intermission to return the money to the cage, then rushed back so she could talk to everyone a little before the second half. KSL seemed a little standoffish and withdrawn, but she learned a long time ago not to poke that bear when she got this feeling about him. Her emotions were already too high, and she assumed he would come to the restaurant with them after the show and she decided she would sit by him then and catch up.
She tried like hell to stay positive through the second half, laugh and live in the moment, and she felt that she honestly succeeded until the end. She didn't completely fall apart, and she was proud of herself.
Afterwards KSL was again a little evasive and said he was going to talk to some of the troupe and congratulate them on the final show. A few minutes later she saw him walk out. She assumed he was going to the bathroom, but he turned the other way. Her heart sank a little.
"Nice Irish goodbye" She texted him.
"Sorry. I suddenly felt very awkward and had to make a hasty exit."
"Weird that you'd feel that way all of a sudden."
"Yeah. It's not like I have an uncontrollable mental affliction that sometimes causes random bursts of anxiety."
"Since when?" She thought to herself. In actuality she answered "Okay well I guess I'll go fuck myself then."
He shot back with venom. "What do you want me to say? 'It's not totally weird and here's why!' Trust me, I wish I could say that. What do you want? An explanation? An apology?"
Tears stung her eyes in the middle of the restaurant. She was surrounded by the troupe and needed to pull herself together before someone noticed. "Nothing" she replied.
"Okay then. Sorry if I upset you. Sorry if you felt slighted."
"Sigh. Just forget about it. Conversation stricken."
The next morning once she got control and a better understanding of her emotions, she realized what she had been feeling. She had an expectation of what was going to happen that night, and it wasn't what happened. She again texted KSL.
"I'm sorry. I reacted as well as I could in the moment. It's just that you've never just left a situation like that before, and coupled with my abandonment issues and the anxiety of the night it didn't mix well. It felt like something was wrong, maybe with us, that I had to fix. I'm sorry."
No answer.
Everyone was separating from the Improv Leader and forming their own group. They had done this in the wrong way, leaving IL hurt and feeling incredibly betrayed. she and IL had spoke a few times about it and IL was in a healthy place, although there were still a lot of hurt feelings that she assumed would remain for quite a while.
She'd cried at least three times that day. She couldn't believe this experience was coming to an end. Her heart hurt for IL, and she felt like a child whose parents split up, but neither one wanted to keep the child. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with her Saturday nights anymore.
With no play to stage manage in the near future, she felt more alone than ever.
Luckily she would be surrounded by friends that night. Banana, and even KSL were coming. Working the front was overwhelming but she made it through and managed to get into a seat beside Dusky, who insisted on saving her a spot. BFF's fiance offered to save her a seat as well, and she was touched. KSL texted her asking if he'd like to save her a seat, but then the seats next to him were taken shortly after he offered. She wasn't sure why he sat by himself instead of with Banana and the people she came with, but she was too preoccupied with dealing with the front to worry about it.
She took her seat for a perfect first half of the show. All the suggestions were perfect, the chemistry was on fire, and for the first time she had a front row seat. She ducked out shortly before intermission to return the money to the cage, then rushed back so she could talk to everyone a little before the second half. KSL seemed a little standoffish and withdrawn, but she learned a long time ago not to poke that bear when she got this feeling about him. Her emotions were already too high, and she assumed he would come to the restaurant with them after the show and she decided she would sit by him then and catch up.
She tried like hell to stay positive through the second half, laugh and live in the moment, and she felt that she honestly succeeded until the end. She didn't completely fall apart, and she was proud of herself.
Afterwards KSL was again a little evasive and said he was going to talk to some of the troupe and congratulate them on the final show. A few minutes later she saw him walk out. She assumed he was going to the bathroom, but he turned the other way. Her heart sank a little.
"Nice Irish goodbye" She texted him.
"Sorry. I suddenly felt very awkward and had to make a hasty exit."
"Weird that you'd feel that way all of a sudden."
"Yeah. It's not like I have an uncontrollable mental affliction that sometimes causes random bursts of anxiety."
"Since when?" She thought to herself. In actuality she answered "Okay well I guess I'll go fuck myself then."
He shot back with venom. "What do you want me to say? 'It's not totally weird and here's why!' Trust me, I wish I could say that. What do you want? An explanation? An apology?"
Tears stung her eyes in the middle of the restaurant. She was surrounded by the troupe and needed to pull herself together before someone noticed. "Nothing" she replied.
"Okay then. Sorry if I upset you. Sorry if you felt slighted."
"Sigh. Just forget about it. Conversation stricken."
The next morning once she got control and a better understanding of her emotions, she realized what she had been feeling. She had an expectation of what was going to happen that night, and it wasn't what happened. She again texted KSL.
"I'm sorry. I reacted as well as I could in the moment. It's just that you've never just left a situation like that before, and coupled with my abandonment issues and the anxiety of the night it didn't mix well. It felt like something was wrong, maybe with us, that I had to fix. I'm sorry."
No answer.
Friday, June 2, 2017
Gunshots and More
She and Dusky had been working on their project for a couple of hours when he said "I'm burnt out. Let's make you something to eat and have a bitch session."
It was so nice to be talking again, to converse with Dusky. She always missed him until she saw him again, he was so awesome to be around. They talked about life, love, and all the garbage actors they knew and the silly things they did.
He was just getting up to leave at 11 PM when they heard 5 gunshots outside the building. "You aren't going anywhere" she said to him.
"I'll be fine, I'm parked by the bar right out front. Literally I'm walking like 10 feet from the building to my car."
She reluctantly let him go. She heard his elevator door close when she got a phone call from SD.
"Are you home? Can I come up please?!?!?!"
"Of course!" She opened the door and waiting for her to come up. SD had seen the whole thing, the gunman shooting into the parking lot...the one right where Dusky's car was parked.
Luckily Dusky called a minute later to say that he had watched the cops run up and tackle the guy, and he was in custody. She was still holding onto a shaking SD as she answered the call from him.
Now that SD was safe she went to the balcony and looked over at all the cop cars. Then she figured that the police might need a statement from her, and they should go downstairs to the lobby.
In the lobby she seemed to calmed down quite a bit, finally going back to her own studio feeling a little shook up but fine.
She went up to her own studio and chatted with Banana, the only other one that would be up this late. Their conversation took an interesting turn and she found herself getting upset by the subject matter. She knew she needed to stop talking about it and spiraling, so she said goodnight and took a big swig of her hydrocodone.
She was only asleep for 20 minutes before she was awake again at 2 AM. She picked up her phone as MG sent her a Snapchat of her bruised and battered face.
It was so nice to be talking again, to converse with Dusky. She always missed him until she saw him again, he was so awesome to be around. They talked about life, love, and all the garbage actors they knew and the silly things they did.
He was just getting up to leave at 11 PM when they heard 5 gunshots outside the building. "You aren't going anywhere" she said to him.
"I'll be fine, I'm parked by the bar right out front. Literally I'm walking like 10 feet from the building to my car."
She reluctantly let him go. She heard his elevator door close when she got a phone call from SD.
"Are you home? Can I come up please?!?!?!"
"Of course!" She opened the door and waiting for her to come up. SD had seen the whole thing, the gunman shooting into the parking lot...the one right where Dusky's car was parked.
Luckily Dusky called a minute later to say that he had watched the cops run up and tackle the guy, and he was in custody. She was still holding onto a shaking SD as she answered the call from him.
Now that SD was safe she went to the balcony and looked over at all the cop cars. Then she figured that the police might need a statement from her, and they should go downstairs to the lobby.
In the lobby she seemed to calmed down quite a bit, finally going back to her own studio feeling a little shook up but fine.
She went up to her own studio and chatted with Banana, the only other one that would be up this late. Their conversation took an interesting turn and she found herself getting upset by the subject matter. She knew she needed to stop talking about it and spiraling, so she said goodnight and took a big swig of her hydrocodone.
She was only asleep for 20 minutes before she was awake again at 2 AM. She picked up her phone as MG sent her a Snapchat of her bruised and battered face.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
A Valiant Effort
The pain could only be described as excruciating. Even taking a sip of water shot pain up her neck and straight into her ears, making her tear up. Her scabs scraped up against her uvula, causing her to choke and start coughing violently. The nausea pills that came with the original round of meds stayed untouched in their bottle until the moment where the pain was so bad she almost always felt like she was going to throw up.
It became far too much to bare. She couldn't function, and she couldn't take any more time off or she'd be unable to pay her rent the next month.
She felt weak, like an utter loser, but she called her doctor's office. The nurse took pity on her sob story and said she would give her a "few more days" of hydrocodone. At least it would help her to sleep. She'd have to muscle through the work days as best she could.
Then her period started.
After picking up far more than 3 days worth of meds, she went home and did all the laundry that had been piling up since her surgery. She made her bed, one of her favorite things to do to make her space feel clean again.
The laundry had taken longer than she expected, and it was late as she was heading to bed, already a little off from the medicine. Her toilet flushed, but as she was walking away she heard it bubble. Curious, as it never seemed to be an issue before. Everything looked okay, clean water in the bowl. But the bubbling made her nervous. She reached out and flushed again.
And it overflowed.
It kept going. It wasn't stopping. Her hazy mind panicked. She tossed everything on the floor into the nearby tub and pulled down her freshly washed towels onto the ground.
It kept coming. She became deathly afraid it would start to leak into the apartment below her. She ran.
"Be Back in 10 Minutes" That infernal sign was up in place of her false sense of security guard at the front desk. She looked all over the perimeter of the building, they were not out for a smoke break. She called SD and rambled about her Titanic-Situation until the security guard showed up.
She told him hurry, there wasn't much time, call whoever he needed to call to shut off the water. He calmly asked her if she owned or if she was a renter.
"THERE IS ABOUT TO BE A GODDAMN FLOOD IN MY APARTMENT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT I RENT OR OWN!!!! ARE YOU GOING TO HELP?" She near-screamed at him.
"Maybe...call a plumber? If you are a renter we can't do anything without the owner's signing off on it. I'll call the building handyman and see what he says."
"That's great. Well it's about to be everyone's problem from my floor down if it doesn't stop, so you might want to help." She gave him her apartment number and ran back upstairs. SD said she would be on her way with towels.
The minimalist lifestyle was all fun and games until you try to clean up a mess with four towels.
She got back up to her apartment and left the front door open and slowly made her way around the corner. She was again grateful that her apartment tilted, as all the water had made a clean turn around to make a puddle under her bed. She moved the bed aside and exclaimed loudly at how much water had pooled around her floor.
She tried desperately to keep the water from going further. SD walked in, handed her the towels, saw the puddle and said "Ohhhh....ohhhh...I'll go get my mop."
Shortly after the doorman came and, with the instructions from the handyman to turn off the shutoff valve, even if it had already stopped on it's own. The doorman told her that the handyman would come around 7AM the next morning to take a look.
A half an hour later, every single absorbent fabric in her house was soaking wet and in her shower. She was shaking like a leaf because her medication had worn off and she was again in agony.
"Your voice sounds funny" SD told her. It sounded like she was losing her voice, again. She took a shot of her medicine, and 20 minutes later still didn't feel any relief.
She thanked SD a million times over, realizing in that moment that because she was so doped up she didn't think clearly about the situation at all. She would have been cleaning up slowly all night, going downstairs to the laundry room to dry her 4 towels and start all over again.
SD left, and she moved her bed back to the lower side of the room. She sat on her bed, in the most pain she'd been in in her life...and she started to cry. This was her breaking point.
"I'm just so fucking done with my entire existence right now. It's been such a rough recovery....hell such a rough year." She messaged a friend. "It's things like this that make me think I made a mistake. I should have stayed with my ex. Even if it was loveless and he basically took all my money...he never did anything vindictively. He would have been able to help me tonight. I wouldn't have had to call SD practically in the middle of the night. I'm a burden. I can't take care of myself."
"Stop it. You know that's not true." Her friend replied. "It'll be tough for a bit but you'll get the hang of this and find someone better for you."
She tired herself out with worry over her life and slept until her alarm went off.
The handyman didn't show up until she was getting ready to leave for work. She left them to do their work and told them the door would lock behind them when they left.
Walking to work she got a call from her doctor's office. They were billing her the entire surgery because they couldn't find her insurance.
"We've already danced this dance. Y'all almost canceled it because you couldn't find my insurance, and then you called me and said it was all good. The surgery center has it because they billed me and I paid them on the day. I'll give you the numbers again but I'm in the system."
She was sure she sounded plenty authoritative when her vocal range was still limited to "whiny Disney Princess." At least it matched her attitude about life in general these days.
It became far too much to bare. She couldn't function, and she couldn't take any more time off or she'd be unable to pay her rent the next month.
She felt weak, like an utter loser, but she called her doctor's office. The nurse took pity on her sob story and said she would give her a "few more days" of hydrocodone. At least it would help her to sleep. She'd have to muscle through the work days as best she could.
Then her period started.
After picking up far more than 3 days worth of meds, she went home and did all the laundry that had been piling up since her surgery. She made her bed, one of her favorite things to do to make her space feel clean again.
The laundry had taken longer than she expected, and it was late as she was heading to bed, already a little off from the medicine. Her toilet flushed, but as she was walking away she heard it bubble. Curious, as it never seemed to be an issue before. Everything looked okay, clean water in the bowl. But the bubbling made her nervous. She reached out and flushed again.
And it overflowed.
It kept going. It wasn't stopping. Her hazy mind panicked. She tossed everything on the floor into the nearby tub and pulled down her freshly washed towels onto the ground.
It kept coming. She became deathly afraid it would start to leak into the apartment below her. She ran.
"Be Back in 10 Minutes" That infernal sign was up in place of her false sense of security guard at the front desk. She looked all over the perimeter of the building, they were not out for a smoke break. She called SD and rambled about her Titanic-Situation until the security guard showed up.
She told him hurry, there wasn't much time, call whoever he needed to call to shut off the water. He calmly asked her if she owned or if she was a renter.
"THERE IS ABOUT TO BE A GODDAMN FLOOD IN MY APARTMENT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT I RENT OR OWN!!!! ARE YOU GOING TO HELP?" She near-screamed at him.
"Maybe...call a plumber? If you are a renter we can't do anything without the owner's signing off on it. I'll call the building handyman and see what he says."
"That's great. Well it's about to be everyone's problem from my floor down if it doesn't stop, so you might want to help." She gave him her apartment number and ran back upstairs. SD said she would be on her way with towels.
The minimalist lifestyle was all fun and games until you try to clean up a mess with four towels.
She got back up to her apartment and left the front door open and slowly made her way around the corner. She was again grateful that her apartment tilted, as all the water had made a clean turn around to make a puddle under her bed. She moved the bed aside and exclaimed loudly at how much water had pooled around her floor.
She tried desperately to keep the water from going further. SD walked in, handed her the towels, saw the puddle and said "Ohhhh....ohhhh...I'll go get my mop."
Shortly after the doorman came and, with the instructions from the handyman to turn off the shutoff valve, even if it had already stopped on it's own. The doorman told her that the handyman would come around 7AM the next morning to take a look.
A half an hour later, every single absorbent fabric in her house was soaking wet and in her shower. She was shaking like a leaf because her medication had worn off and she was again in agony.
"Your voice sounds funny" SD told her. It sounded like she was losing her voice, again. She took a shot of her medicine, and 20 minutes later still didn't feel any relief.
She thanked SD a million times over, realizing in that moment that because she was so doped up she didn't think clearly about the situation at all. She would have been cleaning up slowly all night, going downstairs to the laundry room to dry her 4 towels and start all over again.
SD left, and she moved her bed back to the lower side of the room. She sat on her bed, in the most pain she'd been in in her life...and she started to cry. This was her breaking point.
"I'm just so fucking done with my entire existence right now. It's been such a rough recovery....hell such a rough year." She messaged a friend. "It's things like this that make me think I made a mistake. I should have stayed with my ex. Even if it was loveless and he basically took all my money...he never did anything vindictively. He would have been able to help me tonight. I wouldn't have had to call SD practically in the middle of the night. I'm a burden. I can't take care of myself."
"Stop it. You know that's not true." Her friend replied. "It'll be tough for a bit but you'll get the hang of this and find someone better for you."
She tired herself out with worry over her life and slept until her alarm went off.
The handyman didn't show up until she was getting ready to leave for work. She left them to do their work and told them the door would lock behind them when they left.
Walking to work she got a call from her doctor's office. They were billing her the entire surgery because they couldn't find her insurance.
"We've already danced this dance. Y'all almost canceled it because you couldn't find my insurance, and then you called me and said it was all good. The surgery center has it because they billed me and I paid them on the day. I'll give you the numbers again but I'm in the system."
She was sure she sounded plenty authoritative when her vocal range was still limited to "whiny Disney Princess." At least it matched her attitude about life in general these days.
Friday, May 19, 2017
Sleeping Pukey
She had slept for 14 hours the day after her surgery. Her doctor had said if she felt up to it she should get out and do something. She felt after 14 hours she should be up to it, so she agreed to go to see a movie with PJ, BFF, SD and Banana.
The Marvel Superhero movie was funny and great...until the action began. Her eyes weren't adjusting to the lights at all, and everything seemed to get louder and louder.
Her stomach churned. Convulsed. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to throw up. Even with her eyes closed the movie was so bright. She considered getting up. leaving...but knew if she got up she would throw up all over the strangers in her row. She couldn't do that.
So she stuck it out, willfully blocking out the light and sound as best she could.
As they walked out of the movie, she got confused and walked the wrong way to the other side of the theatre with everyone. She tried to sign that she was going to walk home, but PJ saw that she was struggling.
"Dizzy? Nauseous?" He asked, and she nodded. BFF and SD offered to drive her home, as they were next door in the parking garage. Just the idea of going around and around in the garage made her reach out for PJ's shoulder. He said that they would walk back to his truck and he would drive her the rest of the way home.
He made sure she was following closely behind, and reached out for her hand as he crossed the street in front of cars who seemed to have no intention of stopping. He felt her falter back, afraid of getting hit by the oncoming traffic.
He glanced back and smiled at her, "Penny, you know I'm not going to put you in danger. You are okay, come on."
He unlocked his passenger side door, and she reached over to unlock the driver's side of his old truck. He thanked her, and kept her conscious throughout the short drive, talking about things just deep enough to keep her interested but shallow enough that her feeble mind could follow along.
They got to the loading zone of her building, and he hopped out and got the door for her. He hugged her tight and said that if she got too dizzy to be alone to give him a call and he and AB would make up their couch for her and let her stay for a few days.
He was truly an angel sent from heaven to her. She went back upstairs knowing she had a backup plan if she knew it, and she feel asleep despite her narrowly pupil-ed eyes.
The Marvel Superhero movie was funny and great...until the action began. Her eyes weren't adjusting to the lights at all, and everything seemed to get louder and louder.
Her stomach churned. Convulsed. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to throw up. Even with her eyes closed the movie was so bright. She considered getting up. leaving...but knew if she got up she would throw up all over the strangers in her row. She couldn't do that.
So she stuck it out, willfully blocking out the light and sound as best she could.
As they walked out of the movie, she got confused and walked the wrong way to the other side of the theatre with everyone. She tried to sign that she was going to walk home, but PJ saw that she was struggling.
"Dizzy? Nauseous?" He asked, and she nodded. BFF and SD offered to drive her home, as they were next door in the parking garage. Just the idea of going around and around in the garage made her reach out for PJ's shoulder. He said that they would walk back to his truck and he would drive her the rest of the way home.
He made sure she was following closely behind, and reached out for her hand as he crossed the street in front of cars who seemed to have no intention of stopping. He felt her falter back, afraid of getting hit by the oncoming traffic.
He glanced back and smiled at her, "Penny, you know I'm not going to put you in danger. You are okay, come on."
He unlocked his passenger side door, and she reached over to unlock the driver's side of his old truck. He thanked her, and kept her conscious throughout the short drive, talking about things just deep enough to keep her interested but shallow enough that her feeble mind could follow along.
They got to the loading zone of her building, and he hopped out and got the door for her. He hugged her tight and said that if she got too dizzy to be alone to give him a call and he and AB would make up their couch for her and let her stay for a few days.
He was truly an angel sent from heaven to her. She went back upstairs knowing she had a backup plan if she knew it, and she feel asleep despite her narrowly pupil-ed eyes.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
When it Rains, it Floods
The river was rising fast. Rocks she could see that morning were now being covered by the ever increasing current. She was afraid to go and afraid to stay in her building...so she took the coward's way out and stayed. Up on the higher floors she might be trapped, but nothing would be damaged.
The city was in chaos, everyone coming down to the river to watch it rush by, throwing pictures up on social media at alarming rates. KSL had a rehearsal down by the river, and did some live video right at the base of her apartment...but he never texted her or offered to let her stay with him. In fact, only PJ had made an offer for her to stay. Not even BFF had offered her spare room.
She was feeling despondent. Her job was in serious jeopardy, she could be laid off any day now. She had her tonsillectomy scheduled for February, and she just hoped that her health insurance would hold out until then. She was applying everywhere and getting nothing back.
She remembered a saying about how there are only three things in life that make up happiness: Career, Love, and Health...and you could never have all three at the same time. One was always missing.
This time, she felt all three were missing.
She had gone on three dates, and all had deleted their profiles after dating her. What was wrong with them? What was wrong with her?
Right before she had gotten serious with Piz, she went on a single date with a guy she hit it off with right away. She had taken to calling him The Pilot, since he owned his own planes and worked with drones. They went out for AYCE sushi and hit it off right away, as friends. He had sort of fallen off the face of the earth until texting her a Happy New Year, and the conversation had continued from there.
She asked him if their date had been bad, or if there was something that she was doing wrong. He told her no, that he had a great time and she was one of the most normal, yet not boring people he's ever been out with. And he had gone on a lot of bad dates.
It made her feel a little better, as she stood on the balcony and watched them clear the debris from under the bridge as the flood raged on. Goldie did a live stream and she and Super Director provided some commentary.
In the end, nothing close to them got to the point of flooding, and all was okay. She still went to bed wishing something would go right for her.
The city was in chaos, everyone coming down to the river to watch it rush by, throwing pictures up on social media at alarming rates. KSL had a rehearsal down by the river, and did some live video right at the base of her apartment...but he never texted her or offered to let her stay with him. In fact, only PJ had made an offer for her to stay. Not even BFF had offered her spare room.
She was feeling despondent. Her job was in serious jeopardy, she could be laid off any day now. She had her tonsillectomy scheduled for February, and she just hoped that her health insurance would hold out until then. She was applying everywhere and getting nothing back.
She remembered a saying about how there are only three things in life that make up happiness: Career, Love, and Health...and you could never have all three at the same time. One was always missing.
This time, she felt all three were missing.
She had gone on three dates, and all had deleted their profiles after dating her. What was wrong with them? What was wrong with her?
Right before she had gotten serious with Piz, she went on a single date with a guy she hit it off with right away. She had taken to calling him The Pilot, since he owned his own planes and worked with drones. They went out for AYCE sushi and hit it off right away, as friends. He had sort of fallen off the face of the earth until texting her a Happy New Year, and the conversation had continued from there.
She asked him if their date had been bad, or if there was something that she was doing wrong. He told her no, that he had a great time and she was one of the most normal, yet not boring people he's ever been out with. And he had gone on a lot of bad dates.
It made her feel a little better, as she stood on the balcony and watched them clear the debris from under the bridge as the flood raged on. Goldie did a live stream and she and Super Director provided some commentary.
In the end, nothing close to them got to the point of flooding, and all was okay. She still went to bed wishing something would go right for her.
Monday, October 10, 2016
Yes And...
"Ready to meet the troupe?" She asked. She felt she had adequately prepared him for the ego-show that was her funny group of Improvers.
He was ready.
They got a vodka red bull to enjoy the show with, and laughed about how terrible their drink choices were. It was a party drink, but they had zero plans to party.
During the show he laughed out loud more times than she'd ever seen him laugh. It was hard to tell with his ultra introvert status, but he did really seem to like it. He said SD was fantastic, and it really was a marvel she was great at all considering that her brother had died the week before. The funeral was next week, and she knew she had to go but was dreading it.
She became nervous when he finally met BFF and Goldie for a minute after the show. Both of them were great and engaging with him. She asked BFF why her boyfriend wasn't there.
"Well," BFF began, "He told me that he wasn't really feeling that great and so he wasn't coming to the show tonight, and I was upset...but then he took me out for sushi so it's fine now."
She laughed and turned to Piz and said "For future reference, if you ever need to tell me something horrible, it won't be that bad if you take me out for sushi afterwards. Literally almost anything can be made better with a sushi meal."
He really stood on his own, and they talked as they were the only ones at their table. The subject of a hot springs weekend trip was made up, and they looked up the place on her phone to check it out.
"They have regular rooms and they have dorm style rooms with other people!" She said in horror.
He deadpanned "I get top bunk."
They laughed and she said they might both get top bunk if the place was all booked up. They looked at the site a little more before deciding the place was out of their budget, even if they did take the bunk beds. Another dream laid to rest. She was beginning to think that they would never actually get a weekend away.
They went back to her studio and had another round of marathon sex.
He was ready.
They got a vodka red bull to enjoy the show with, and laughed about how terrible their drink choices were. It was a party drink, but they had zero plans to party.
During the show he laughed out loud more times than she'd ever seen him laugh. It was hard to tell with his ultra introvert status, but he did really seem to like it. He said SD was fantastic, and it really was a marvel she was great at all considering that her brother had died the week before. The funeral was next week, and she knew she had to go but was dreading it.
She became nervous when he finally met BFF and Goldie for a minute after the show. Both of them were great and engaging with him. She asked BFF why her boyfriend wasn't there.
"Well," BFF began, "He told me that he wasn't really feeling that great and so he wasn't coming to the show tonight, and I was upset...but then he took me out for sushi so it's fine now."
She laughed and turned to Piz and said "For future reference, if you ever need to tell me something horrible, it won't be that bad if you take me out for sushi afterwards. Literally almost anything can be made better with a sushi meal."
He really stood on his own, and they talked as they were the only ones at their table. The subject of a hot springs weekend trip was made up, and they looked up the place on her phone to check it out.
"They have regular rooms and they have dorm style rooms with other people!" She said in horror.
He deadpanned "I get top bunk."
They laughed and she said they might both get top bunk if the place was all booked up. They looked at the site a little more before deciding the place was out of their budget, even if they did take the bunk beds. Another dream laid to rest. She was beginning to think that they would never actually get a weekend away.
They went back to her studio and had another round of marathon sex.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
The Hurt of Others
Goldie started crying at the birthday party. "I want to go home."
She had just gotten off the phone with SD, who was in shock. Her brother had a seizure that morning, and never came out of it. She was close with her whole family, especially after her mother's death just a few years ago. SD had never properly dealt with the emotion from her mother's death, and she felt overcome with emotion for SD. She couldn't deal with this again...she wasn't strong enough. This wasn't fair.
They left and were quiet most of the way home, only really saying "poor SD" and commenting how awful this was.
She got back into her apartment and stood for awhile, not sure what to do with herself. She sat on the couch and watched the sun set until she was sitting in the dark. She felt terrible. She needed to do something.
She left for the store. She would at least get her a card and some flowers.
Her BFF called her as she got to the store. She and SD had lived together, and SD's brother had been like BFF's own. She was nearly inconsolable. Everyone was in so much pain over this.
She picked up a card, but all the flowers looked horrible. She ended up grabbing a mug with the poop emoji on it. "Because life is shitty" she wrote on the card.
She hoped it would make her feel a little better.
"Well I know how much you hurt for your friends. Are you okay? Do you need to talk? I'm happy to chat, I'm just chilling at home folding laundry." Dawn texted her.
Dawn was such a great friend. She did need to talk. She came over for a little while, snuggled Dawn's dog, and they talked. Talked about how unfair death is, how horrible family stuff was...and eventually boys. Dawn had started a casual sex relationship with the ex she just wrote off. It was an interesting situation...almost the same one she had gotten into with KSL. Seeing how it would shake out would be an adventure.
She had just gotten off the phone with SD, who was in shock. Her brother had a seizure that morning, and never came out of it. She was close with her whole family, especially after her mother's death just a few years ago. SD had never properly dealt with the emotion from her mother's death, and she felt overcome with emotion for SD. She couldn't deal with this again...she wasn't strong enough. This wasn't fair.
They left and were quiet most of the way home, only really saying "poor SD" and commenting how awful this was.
She got back into her apartment and stood for awhile, not sure what to do with herself. She sat on the couch and watched the sun set until she was sitting in the dark. She felt terrible. She needed to do something.
She left for the store. She would at least get her a card and some flowers.
Her BFF called her as she got to the store. She and SD had lived together, and SD's brother had been like BFF's own. She was nearly inconsolable. Everyone was in so much pain over this.
She picked up a card, but all the flowers looked horrible. She ended up grabbing a mug with the poop emoji on it. "Because life is shitty" she wrote on the card.
She hoped it would make her feel a little better.
"Well I know how much you hurt for your friends. Are you okay? Do you need to talk? I'm happy to chat, I'm just chilling at home folding laundry." Dawn texted her.
Dawn was such a great friend. She did need to talk. She came over for a little while, snuggled Dawn's dog, and they talked. Talked about how unfair death is, how horrible family stuff was...and eventually boys. Dawn had started a casual sex relationship with the ex she just wrote off. It was an interesting situation...almost the same one she had gotten into with KSL. Seeing how it would shake out would be an adventure.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Champagne Wishes
Her easy Sunday was marred when Goldie asked her to help with a "walk for the cure" style fundraiser that meant leaving the building at 6:45 in the morning.
It was hard getting up that early, and everyone was a little grumpy. The event was good though, and they got out in time for a champagne brunch that Goldie sprung for. It was pleasant and she got to give SD a hard time for standing her up all weekend. She only had two mimosas, but they seemed to hit her a little hard.
She left them to walk the rest of the way home, where Dusky was waiting on her to go to a wine walk. There was trivia afterwards, and they came in almost last place, but had a good time. They shopped around a little bit, and had a drink at the wine bar. She was tired though. She wasn't drunk or buzzed, just drained.
She and Dusky had decided to start a podcast together, so they went to her house to record it. She held her own, or so she thought, during the process and then drove him home.
When she got back to her apartment, she could barely walk to the elevators. She didn't feel well at all, her thighs hurt from too much chair pose in yoga the day before, and she had far too much to drink.
The last time she had champagne she napped for two hours. That had to be what was making her feel sick. It was time to give up that brunch life.
It was hard getting up that early, and everyone was a little grumpy. The event was good though, and they got out in time for a champagne brunch that Goldie sprung for. It was pleasant and she got to give SD a hard time for standing her up all weekend. She only had two mimosas, but they seemed to hit her a little hard.
She left them to walk the rest of the way home, where Dusky was waiting on her to go to a wine walk. There was trivia afterwards, and they came in almost last place, but had a good time. They shopped around a little bit, and had a drink at the wine bar. She was tired though. She wasn't drunk or buzzed, just drained.
She and Dusky had decided to start a podcast together, so they went to her house to record it. She held her own, or so she thought, during the process and then drove him home.
When she got back to her apartment, she could barely walk to the elevators. She didn't feel well at all, her thighs hurt from too much chair pose in yoga the day before, and she had far too much to drink.
The last time she had champagne she napped for two hours. That had to be what was making her feel sick. It was time to give up that brunch life.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Damaged
"I think KSL really fucked me up." She told SD one night.
"How so? I mean, I don't doubt it, but you'll need to narrow it down for me. Did I tell you he's on my team at work now?"
"No! How is that? He's loud huh?" She asked SD.
"Yes. Plus, I just don't want to talk to him."
"Why, because of me? Should I not have told you about us? Did I make it weird for you guys?" She bit her lip out of concern.
"No, he does this to everyone...but I'm especially mad that he did that to you. I mean, you are the smartest one, but I'm still mad at him for it."
She felt bad she had potentially ruined a friendship over her big mouth and loose morals. SD assured her that she would hate him anyway, so she proceeded with her story.
"I'm just so afraid to let this guy in. I feel like as soon as we have sex he's going to freak out about his ex like KSL did, or say that it's not that serious for him. I don't know, I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. I mean, KSL didn't break my heart or anything...but I think he fucked me up a little bit. I'm having trust issues. Even though this guy is so straightforward and honest...I just like him too much already. KSL hurt my feelings, but Piz could break my heart."
"He's different. You know he's different. He really likes you, you can just tell. You don't need to be worried. In the meantime, have fun making out with him and leaving it at that. He'll come around soon enough. You at least know he likes you more than KSL did. He didn't even take you out on dates."
It was really nice being able to be excited about him to everyone. It was already so different, so much what she deserved.
She might be a little damaged, but she wasn't going to let that stop her from finding happiness in however the situation played out.
"How so? I mean, I don't doubt it, but you'll need to narrow it down for me. Did I tell you he's on my team at work now?"
"No! How is that? He's loud huh?" She asked SD.
"Yes. Plus, I just don't want to talk to him."
"Why, because of me? Should I not have told you about us? Did I make it weird for you guys?" She bit her lip out of concern.
"No, he does this to everyone...but I'm especially mad that he did that to you. I mean, you are the smartest one, but I'm still mad at him for it."
She felt bad she had potentially ruined a friendship over her big mouth and loose morals. SD assured her that she would hate him anyway, so she proceeded with her story.
"I'm just so afraid to let this guy in. I feel like as soon as we have sex he's going to freak out about his ex like KSL did, or say that it's not that serious for him. I don't know, I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. I mean, KSL didn't break my heart or anything...but I think he fucked me up a little bit. I'm having trust issues. Even though this guy is so straightforward and honest...I just like him too much already. KSL hurt my feelings, but Piz could break my heart."
"He's different. You know he's different. He really likes you, you can just tell. You don't need to be worried. In the meantime, have fun making out with him and leaving it at that. He'll come around soon enough. You at least know he likes you more than KSL did. He didn't even take you out on dates."
It was really nice being able to be excited about him to everyone. It was already so different, so much what she deserved.
She might be a little damaged, but she wasn't going to let that stop her from finding happiness in however the situation played out.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Girls Weekend
The girl's weekend started out strong with them getting upgraded to a penthouse suite with an amazing view. Until the suite was ready, they went down to hang at the hotel pool. SD kept mostly to laying out and napping, and Goldie decided to go all in as she sat by the pool talking to her.
They caught up on Goldie's life, and she told her about Piz. She gushed about how he was the opposite of the ex and KSL, and complimented her, and how he just ended his marriage so they had something in common. "Well, I like him" Goldie said, and she felt better. She was making good choices. It was also nice to be able to freely talk about a guy she met. She could get excited without feeling like she was being kept a secret.
"But no sexy-time yet?" Goldie asked.
"No, just a short make out session in his car at 3AM as he dropped me off. I'm in that bubble of perfect happiness right now."
They had a full pool day the next day, and in the evening Mo came by to take her on an adventure for sushi burritos, drinks, and her favorite dessert. They laughed and joked and everything was just like old times.
When they were having drinks, he stopped what he was saying and said to her "You seem great, you seem so happy. You certainly aren't the same Penny who left here."
It struck her that he was totally right. She was a completely different person, had lived a million different lives in the last year and a half. She had gotten worse since leaving, but was on a hell of an upswing. She felt she still had a ways to go, but it was so nice to see a light at the end of her long, dark tunnel.
"I am different." She confirmed, almost proudly.
They caught up on Goldie's life, and she told her about Piz. She gushed about how he was the opposite of the ex and KSL, and complimented her, and how he just ended his marriage so they had something in common. "Well, I like him" Goldie said, and she felt better. She was making good choices. It was also nice to be able to freely talk about a guy she met. She could get excited without feeling like she was being kept a secret.
"But no sexy-time yet?" Goldie asked.
"No, just a short make out session in his car at 3AM as he dropped me off. I'm in that bubble of perfect happiness right now."
They had a full pool day the next day, and in the evening Mo came by to take her on an adventure for sushi burritos, drinks, and her favorite dessert. They laughed and joked and everything was just like old times.
When they were having drinks, he stopped what he was saying and said to her "You seem great, you seem so happy. You certainly aren't the same Penny who left here."
It struck her that he was totally right. She was a completely different person, had lived a million different lives in the last year and a half. She had gotten worse since leaving, but was on a hell of an upswing. She felt she still had a ways to go, but it was so nice to see a light at the end of her long, dark tunnel.
"I am different." She confirmed, almost proudly.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Beautiful Honesty Part 1
"Hi Penny, I am so sorry to have to do this to you but I have to cancel our date on Monday. I figured since next week is my last free week before school starts I better go to SoCal to see my friends and my sister. I'll be back next Sunday. Can we meet up when I get back?"
Of course she was bummed, but he did still want to meet up. She didn't want to wait that long, she felt like they would lose momentum. Then her director told her that Friday they were getting bottle service at a club, and to invite everyone that she wanted to invite. She took a deep breath, and texted him to ask if he wanted to meet up, even though clubbing was not either of their scenes. He was a good sport yet again and said that if he could spend some time with her, that would be awesome.
Giddy, she barely registered the opening night festivities as she mentally prepared to see him again. She had thought she had a few more days to prep for potential kissing, so she was trying to mentally get there beforehand.
She closed up the theatre as soon as she could and headed over with SD and Dawn. The bottle service was under her name, and they made her pay the $20 gratuity before even walking in the door. She was a bit miffed but just put it on her credit card. By the time she got in, everyone was at the reserved table, filling it up so that she and Piz could only sit on the couch beside them. She felt a little left out, but decided that this was good alone time for them.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a man in a giant cowboy hat. After another minute she glanced over at the dance floor and saw people line dancing. Dawn looked over at her with an expression that seemed to say "Is it country night or something?" She shrugged back, as she had never been there before. As she looked around she discovered that a lot of people in the bar were dressed in Western Wear.
"I've been here once before," Piz yelled over the godawful music. "My old boss took me, and I didn't realize at the time that it was a country bar."
"Oh god, it is a country bar? I'm so sorry, I would have never come to this or invited you if I had known." She was mortified that she was tricked into a country bar outing. Since they were stuck for a bit, they enjoyed a couple of free drinks from the bottle service and exchanged "I was so drunk once that I" stories.
He had gotten his new job, and she congratulated him on it and asked him about the details. He wasn't actually starting until December, which was fine by him because he was just about to start school for his Masters degree in Finance. Then he dropped the news on her, gently as possible, that he also had 7 months of training starting in March...that was in Arizona, light years away. She felt a pang but pushed forward, congratulating him on the job yet again while wondering where in the world that left them, and how he felt about it.
Of course she was bummed, but he did still want to meet up. She didn't want to wait that long, she felt like they would lose momentum. Then her director told her that Friday they were getting bottle service at a club, and to invite everyone that she wanted to invite. She took a deep breath, and texted him to ask if he wanted to meet up, even though clubbing was not either of their scenes. He was a good sport yet again and said that if he could spend some time with her, that would be awesome.
Giddy, she barely registered the opening night festivities as she mentally prepared to see him again. She had thought she had a few more days to prep for potential kissing, so she was trying to mentally get there beforehand.
She closed up the theatre as soon as she could and headed over with SD and Dawn. The bottle service was under her name, and they made her pay the $20 gratuity before even walking in the door. She was a bit miffed but just put it on her credit card. By the time she got in, everyone was at the reserved table, filling it up so that she and Piz could only sit on the couch beside them. She felt a little left out, but decided that this was good alone time for them.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a man in a giant cowboy hat. After another minute she glanced over at the dance floor and saw people line dancing. Dawn looked over at her with an expression that seemed to say "Is it country night or something?" She shrugged back, as she had never been there before. As she looked around she discovered that a lot of people in the bar were dressed in Western Wear.
"I've been here once before," Piz yelled over the godawful music. "My old boss took me, and I didn't realize at the time that it was a country bar."
"Oh god, it is a country bar? I'm so sorry, I would have never come to this or invited you if I had known." She was mortified that she was tricked into a country bar outing. Since they were stuck for a bit, they enjoyed a couple of free drinks from the bottle service and exchanged "I was so drunk once that I" stories.
He had gotten his new job, and she congratulated him on it and asked him about the details. He wasn't actually starting until December, which was fine by him because he was just about to start school for his Masters degree in Finance. Then he dropped the news on her, gently as possible, that he also had 7 months of training starting in March...that was in Arizona, light years away. She felt a pang but pushed forward, congratulating him on the job yet again while wondering where in the world that left them, and how he felt about it.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Coming Clean
"I think, now that it's over, I'm going to tell SD about KSL." She said to Dawn.
"That's a good idea...I think she knows something is up." Dawn replied. Guess that settles that.
---
"So....I know that you had an idea that something was up, and it's over now, so I wanted to...I wanted to tell you...KSL actually did end up having sex a few times."
The look of shock on SD's face was genuine, and she almost regretted having another person know. Clearly she had given her too much credit as to knowing something was up.
"Back....no, you need to back up. What happened?!?!"
"Well...it started the day I moved in." She said sheepishly.
"Oh, this is all starting to make so much more sense. This is all coming together in my head. What happened?" SD said.
She started the story at her move in day, when he had come and kissed her in the studio. SD didn't ask if there was anything leading up to it, and she didn't offer any of the pre-show information.
"We agreed there was this...disconnect of emotions between us. Though we were great friends, and the sexual attraction was there...the romantic wasn't. So, I'm a nerd and I typed up rules for us."
"Good for you!" SD exclaimed. She was being much more understanding than she could hope for.
The rest of the story came out. The tumultuous back and forth of the friendship, how he was in bed, and just how he could be in general. SD had known KSL for years, knew his patterns, and commended her for not falling into the "same trap" all his other girls had. When she told her about this latest sad girl, she shook her head and said "You see what kind of a person he is? He just...he knows what he's doing. He knows that he's hurting people."
"And he knows that I know too." She said. She pulled out her phone and showed her the last conversation they had. She had torn him apart, and their last message was one of formality. She had decided she didn't want to see him in order to get her stuff back, and to give it to a mutual friend, Banana, during the next Sunday movie day he had...the one she wasn't invited to because of his heinous roommate....if that was even the truth.
"I would still like to keep this vaulted for obvious reasons. No one needs to know that I banged the village bicycle like every other girl. Plus we have that whole fun HPV thing to contend with now. That's why I was so concerned with it."
"Oh shit, yeah!" SD remembered. "Don't worry pumpkin, I won't tell anyone, and I'm here for you."
It was a better outcome than she knew she deserved. She was lucky to have a friend like SD.
"That's a good idea...I think she knows something is up." Dawn replied. Guess that settles that.
---
"So....I know that you had an idea that something was up, and it's over now, so I wanted to...I wanted to tell you...KSL actually did end up having sex a few times."
The look of shock on SD's face was genuine, and she almost regretted having another person know. Clearly she had given her too much credit as to knowing something was up.
"Back....no, you need to back up. What happened?!?!"
"Well...it started the day I moved in." She said sheepishly.
"Oh, this is all starting to make so much more sense. This is all coming together in my head. What happened?" SD said.
She started the story at her move in day, when he had come and kissed her in the studio. SD didn't ask if there was anything leading up to it, and she didn't offer any of the pre-show information.
"We agreed there was this...disconnect of emotions between us. Though we were great friends, and the sexual attraction was there...the romantic wasn't. So, I'm a nerd and I typed up rules for us."
"Good for you!" SD exclaimed. She was being much more understanding than she could hope for.
The rest of the story came out. The tumultuous back and forth of the friendship, how he was in bed, and just how he could be in general. SD had known KSL for years, knew his patterns, and commended her for not falling into the "same trap" all his other girls had. When she told her about this latest sad girl, she shook her head and said "You see what kind of a person he is? He just...he knows what he's doing. He knows that he's hurting people."
"And he knows that I know too." She said. She pulled out her phone and showed her the last conversation they had. She had torn him apart, and their last message was one of formality. She had decided she didn't want to see him in order to get her stuff back, and to give it to a mutual friend, Banana, during the next Sunday movie day he had...the one she wasn't invited to because of his heinous roommate....if that was even the truth.
"I would still like to keep this vaulted for obvious reasons. No one needs to know that I banged the village bicycle like every other girl. Plus we have that whole fun HPV thing to contend with now. That's why I was so concerned with it."
"Oh shit, yeah!" SD remembered. "Don't worry pumpkin, I won't tell anyone, and I'm here for you."
It was a better outcome than she knew she deserved. She was lucky to have a friend like SD.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting
One of her actors had just turned 21, and they used the following Saturday night to really celebrate. They hit up a lounge that was for older people, but for some reason the theatre crowd liked to visit ironically. It had a dance floor, and bad drinking, but it made for a good time.
A mix of her old cast and new came along to celebrate, as well as SD. The drinks and shots worked their way into their systems as they talked, and she spent most of her time making sure 21 was having a good time. She let him into the women's restroom to see the good lighting everyone used for photos, and bought him shots with the understanding he would get the signature beverages for closing night celebration.
Once they had enough to drink, the dancing started. She mostly stayed with one person as the rest of them danced, but then SD convinced Acrobat to pull her onto the dance floor.
Acrobat was unlike any guy she had been interested in before. They had met last year on a show, and had been good acquaintances since. He was in the pre-show for her current show, and he was in her next show. They were about to be spending a lot of time together. The flirting started while she had her fever. He was making fun of her, then asked her for help shaving his legs for a future show he had.
"Listen, if I'm helping you shave your legs, we better be fucking is all I'm saying. Ask the stage manager for that show for help, not me!" He found that endlessly amusing, and continued to encourage her to say inappropriate things. He joked about how he was far from perfect, and she would counter with "Of course you aren't perfect...you aren't in love with me yet." The conspiratorial wink that followed cinched their flirtationship.
Alcohol only made their flirting more, and being theatre people, the touching only escalated. Not only for them, but for anyone else around. He encouraged her to "let go" and let him lead. She squealed and said she was trying. He dipped her low to the ground and everyone around them clapped.
They shut down the bar, and decided the fun shouldn't be over yet. They got into separate cars and decided on another bar. 21 and SD fought over who would drive while she sat in the back, convinced she wasn't the most sober one. SD flooded the engine twice in the parking lot before 21 took over and got them there in one piece.
The second bar had already had their last call. She bitched on social media about how last calls were horseshit, and they decided to walk down to the next bar that was sure to be open.
She ended up walking with Acrobat, with their arms around each other they talked about relationships. She boldly asked him if he had been with anyone intimately since he broke up with his girlfriend a year ago. He said no.
"What? Acrobat, you've got to get over her by getting under someone else, for real. I mean, I'm not volunteering or anything but...you should." She told him.
"You're not?" He joked with her, pulling her closer to his side. The comment, though made in jest, stung her heart. "No, I'm not the girl you randomly sleep with to get over your ex. I'm the one you have a relationship with." She might have said, or she might have just thought drunkenly.
The flirting continued at the next bar, with more shots and 21 going into the crowd and scoring more shots from someone else. SD left shortly after they arrived, ghosting and walking home. She got a from SD after she left. She was a little hurt, as they lived in the same building, that she wouldn't at least ask if she wanted to walk with her.
Acrobat quickly turned her attention back to him, buying them all a shot. He asked her to lean closer to him, as another actor sat between them. "I'm going to kiss you."
He did. It was a peck, nothing to it kind of kiss. She was too drunk to let it turn into some creepy make out session over another person. It was trashy enough as it was.
Then he said something to her that she emotionally blocked out right away. Maybe it was something about using her for sex, maybe it was something else. All she could remember was pushing him away and saying "If that's the case, then stay the fuck away from me." He laughed and didn't take her seriously, but she was very serious.
She and 21 decided to call it a night shortly afterward, and they walked back to 21's car. 21 insisted he was okay to drive, and he would drive her home. He did so successfully, and she said to text her when he was home safe. But because she was drunk, she fell into bed as soon as she closed her door. She knew the sun would wake her in mere hours anyway.
She woke to three text messages from 21; he had a flat tire, where was she, and then one final "I'm arrested."
She threw on some pants and walked around downtown to where he would have gone, wandering and checking parking garages for an hour. She called and texted to no avail. She became worried sick.
A mix of her old cast and new came along to celebrate, as well as SD. The drinks and shots worked their way into their systems as they talked, and she spent most of her time making sure 21 was having a good time. She let him into the women's restroom to see the good lighting everyone used for photos, and bought him shots with the understanding he would get the signature beverages for closing night celebration.
Once they had enough to drink, the dancing started. She mostly stayed with one person as the rest of them danced, but then SD convinced Acrobat to pull her onto the dance floor.
Acrobat was unlike any guy she had been interested in before. They had met last year on a show, and had been good acquaintances since. He was in the pre-show for her current show, and he was in her next show. They were about to be spending a lot of time together. The flirting started while she had her fever. He was making fun of her, then asked her for help shaving his legs for a future show he had.
"Listen, if I'm helping you shave your legs, we better be fucking is all I'm saying. Ask the stage manager for that show for help, not me!" He found that endlessly amusing, and continued to encourage her to say inappropriate things. He joked about how he was far from perfect, and she would counter with "Of course you aren't perfect...you aren't in love with me yet." The conspiratorial wink that followed cinched their flirtationship.
Alcohol only made their flirting more, and being theatre people, the touching only escalated. Not only for them, but for anyone else around. He encouraged her to "let go" and let him lead. She squealed and said she was trying. He dipped her low to the ground and everyone around them clapped.
They shut down the bar, and decided the fun shouldn't be over yet. They got into separate cars and decided on another bar. 21 and SD fought over who would drive while she sat in the back, convinced she wasn't the most sober one. SD flooded the engine twice in the parking lot before 21 took over and got them there in one piece.
The second bar had already had their last call. She bitched on social media about how last calls were horseshit, and they decided to walk down to the next bar that was sure to be open.
She ended up walking with Acrobat, with their arms around each other they talked about relationships. She boldly asked him if he had been with anyone intimately since he broke up with his girlfriend a year ago. He said no.
"What? Acrobat, you've got to get over her by getting under someone else, for real. I mean, I'm not volunteering or anything but...you should." She told him.
"You're not?" He joked with her, pulling her closer to his side. The comment, though made in jest, stung her heart. "No, I'm not the girl you randomly sleep with to get over your ex. I'm the one you have a relationship with." She might have said, or she might have just thought drunkenly.
The flirting continued at the next bar, with more shots and 21 going into the crowd and scoring more shots from someone else. SD left shortly after they arrived, ghosting and walking home. She got a from SD after she left. She was a little hurt, as they lived in the same building, that she wouldn't at least ask if she wanted to walk with her.
Acrobat quickly turned her attention back to him, buying them all a shot. He asked her to lean closer to him, as another actor sat between them. "I'm going to kiss you."
He did. It was a peck, nothing to it kind of kiss. She was too drunk to let it turn into some creepy make out session over another person. It was trashy enough as it was.
Then he said something to her that she emotionally blocked out right away. Maybe it was something about using her for sex, maybe it was something else. All she could remember was pushing him away and saying "If that's the case, then stay the fuck away from me." He laughed and didn't take her seriously, but she was very serious.
She and 21 decided to call it a night shortly afterward, and they walked back to 21's car. 21 insisted he was okay to drive, and he would drive her home. He did so successfully, and she said to text her when he was home safe. But because she was drunk, she fell into bed as soon as she closed her door. She knew the sun would wake her in mere hours anyway.
She woke to three text messages from 21; he had a flat tire, where was she, and then one final "I'm arrested."
She threw on some pants and walked around downtown to where he would have gone, wandering and checking parking garages for an hour. She called and texted to no avail. She became worried sick.
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